To cheer up an optimist

Band: Kagrra,
Pairing: Izumi&Shin, mentioned Isshi&Nao
Rating: 15+
Genre: angst
Warnings: death, slice of life
Note: How to cheer up an optimist, when you are pessimist?



I'm not a pessimist. For sure not. But what am I going to do, when the biggest optimist I know, sits in another room and finishes another box from my tissues supply? Especially when I don't know how to help him. I'm not gonna tell him, everything's gonna be okay. I can't because it won't.

I stand in a doorway, while looking at his red eyes. To make things worse, today messages from fans, friends and people we hardly know, started flowing in today... What am I going to do? Izumida went fishing, because he's done with all of this. And me? And I'm alone with that one big tear on my bed.

Doorbell rings. Another person, to make my mood even worse?

I open the door. Of course, he had to come.

"Tora told me." hardly hearable voice of a small vocalist reaches my ears.

He and quiet tone of his voice. He and red eyes. Almost like my friend in another room.

I feel like crying when Keiyu embraces Nao and they start crying together. I think I'm gonna join Izumida. If two biggest optimists I know... No, fine, I'll stay. And I'll think about how to cheer them up. But I know, I have no idea how.

The end

Drinks with umbrella

Band: Sadie
Pairing: Tsurugi&Kei
Rating: 15+
Genre: comedy
Warnings: alcohol
Note: Rpg wrote with Nishi.



Kei opened the big door leading to the label's building. Do they really have to be so heavy? Someone could get hurt one day.

"If I'll be late, Aki will kill me and Mao destroy me." he thought and ran up the stairs.

Mao waited for him in front of the door, like he was waiting for him.

"Look, you're only one minute late." he muttered. "Were you thinking aboud blonde-haired guitarist, Kei?"

"Better watch for yours guitarist." replied Keita.

Mao looked at him.

"Don't worry. Your crush is also late." said vocalist.

"I shouldn't have told Mizuki, who is my crush. That gossip boy..." thought Kei, entering the practice room.

Tsurugi got to the label's building after fifteen minutes. He didn't know he could run this fast. He opened the door, ignoring Mao's deathly stare and said "Hi" to everyone. He looked at a drummer for a moment, smiling.

"Tsurugi, do I have to buy you a watch for birthday, or maybe punch you in the teeth?" asked Aki emotionlessly.

He tried to be scary, but it didn't turn out good.

"I'd like the watch more. But remember - a gold one." grumbled Tsurugi, smiling to a bassist.

He hoped he could calm him down.

"Ha, ha. Verry funny." replied Aki, looking at some papers.

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. Is that enough?" asked Tsurugi, sighting loudly.

He saw his blonde koi with corner of his eye. He thought he looked cute today, though he always looks cute. He smiled, waving his head and sat on the couch.

"What do we have planned for today?"

Kei calmy listened to Aki's rambling about amount of work he has to do. Since bassist was speaking with his famous, slow and monotone voice, Kei started feeling drowsy.

"Good, now we can start." said slowly Aki. "Let's start with "Kagerou". We haven't practiced this one in a long time."

Tsurugi listened to leader's rambling, bored. He leaned his chin on his wrist, analising every word. He didn't even notice when Aki stopped talking. Let's say he came back to the world of mortals when Mizuki waved his hand on fron of his eyes.

"What? Oh, yes." he muttered, getting up ang grabbing his guitar.

Practice ended after two hours, when Mizuki somehow hurt himself with a string. Mao panicked, canceled practices for next ten years and ran with his koi, leaving everyone else confused. Kei wondered how it is possible to hurt yourself with a string... He sighted and approached the older guitarist.

"Wanna go out somewhere, Tsurugi?" he asked, smiling.

Tsurugi seemed to be still for a while now.

He watched with a smile all of this performance with Mao cast as a main character, all his "Breathe, stay calm, something hurts? Maybe I should call an ambulance?" shouts were funny. He sighed quietly, feeling they won't get anything done today. He looked in a drummer's direction. Kei was just approaching him. He straightened, when he heard a question.

"Go out? I mean, sure if you want to." he noded his head quickly, smiling.

Kei decited he won't jump out of happines untill he'll get home. He needs to dress and do his make up... STOP! Is he a teenage girl? They can go out right now. And he can kiss Tsurugi right now. Maybe not in Aki's presence. Especially because bassist been looking at him weirdly. Like he's... Jealous? No, Aki and feelings? Whatever, nevermind.

"So, we meet tommorow at 8 pm at "Midori" club?" Kei wanted to be sure, guitarist only noded. "Don't be late, Tsurugi-chan. See you."

And he walked away satisfied. He'll get Tsurugi today.

He looked at him curiously. He could see content on Kei's face. Like he did something very important to him. But all he wanted was a normal meeting, right? Or maybe not...

"Okay, so see you at eight." he said, repeating in his mind time and place of their meeting, so he wouldn't forget.

He followed Kei with his eyes, then smiling widely, he grabbed his jacket. He happily waved Aki, who looked at him like he was an idiot and left the studio.

Kei danced like an overenthusiastic teenage girl, like Mao used to call it, as soon as he got home. Vocalist lately acted very mean. Anyway, Kei at the moment was sitting in front of his wardrobe an thinking about what to wear. STOP. He really acted like a teenage girl. He grabbed any set of clothes, first making sure it's not that pastel one he got from Mizuki and went to dress up. He made his hair and... But where were his blue contact lenses?

Tsurugi was humming to himself, walking around his house and getting ready for the meeting. He smiled to his reflection in a mirror, when he was about done brushing his hair. He made a few steps back to judge his appearance. He looked at his watch, which showed half past seven. He grabbed his keys and in a moment he was on his way to the club where they alway celebrated with other bandmembers their birthdays. It was weekend, so it was probably pretty crowded. He hoped he wouldn't have to look for Kei. No, he would notice him for sure. How would he not be able to do this?

Kei was siting by the table. Two past eight. He needs to teach Tsurugi how to read a clock after they'll get up tomorrow. If they'll be able to. Maybe around noon and Mao and Aki will kill them, but that's a detail. Mizuki will calm down Mao with the only way of (not) calming down people he knows and they'll buy good sake for Aki.

"Wow, he finally came." murmurred Kei, when Tsurugi showed up.

He barged into the club and started to look around, when he finally rested his eyes upon the corner of a room, where Kei was sitting. He moved forward. A while later he was standing in front of him and managed to smile lightly.

"I hope you didn;t have to wait for me for too long." he said, moving his chair.

He looked at Kei's face and stopped at his eyes. They were... blue? Wait. Kei is wearing blue contacts? Why?

"It worked? I really managed to froze Tsurugi? How cool." Kei was laughing in his thoughts. "Easy, Tsuru-chan. You were only three minutes late."

"That's good." replied guitarist.

Kei after a momment patted Tsurugi's head.

"Are we ordering something?" he asked, smiling to confused guitarist.

Kei touched top of his head like it was nothing, which made Tsurugi froze.
"Sure, what would you like?" he asked, smiling back.

"Those drinks with umrellas look interesting." Kei lazily moved his finger through the menu. "But I'd rather flirt with Tsurugi sober. Or at least partially sober, so I wouldn't be surprised by my koi in my bed. Yeah, I need something lighter. Some low-alcohol drink with umbrella. That one with blueberry syrup would be perfect. I'll be fine if I'll drink half of it."

"Fancy a drink with umbrella,Tsuru-chan?" asked Kei, smiling widely.

When they'll be together, "Tsuru-chan" will become "Kenyo", but now he needs to act normal.

"Drink with umbrella is fine." he said, looking at the picture of colorful glasses.

It's good that Kei picked something low on alcohol. Tsurugi knew that if he'll drink too much, he doesn't control what he says. What if he'll say something along the lines of "Kei, to be honest I loved you for a while now, you know?" He looked at him. Why did he call him that, when he spoke to him? But Kei is a nice person, so he could call that Mao or Mizuki, or... No, he couldn't call them the same way. Guitarist frowned. He was thinking too much about it.

Pretty waitress in a lolita styled dress took their order and moment later bringed them their colorful drinks with umbrellas. Kei's drink's color was close to navy, while his umbrella was purple, while colors of Tsurugi's drink were switched, which was funny to the drummer. Kei put a straw in his drink and sipped some of it. Let the fun begin. But you got to start somehow...

"Tsuru-chan, I was watching Aki lately and I've been wondering if he has someone. He's acting weird lately, right?" Kei looked at Tsurugi.

Tsurugi thanked for the drinks, nodding his head. He also noticed colors of their beverages. Coincidence? He drank some of alcohol, trying not to look at Kei's lips which was almost impossible. He heard his question.

"Aki? Oh, right. He's acting strange sometimes. But Aki and relationships? It doesn't suit him. But who knows?" he answered, looking at a drummer.

"I think so too." agreed Kei, then he thought for a moment. "And I'm looking at you, Tsuru-chan, and I wonder why you still don't have anyone. You're funny, cute, handsome and you know how to lift up someone's mood. Only virtues. Maybe it's because you're always late? What do you think, Tsuru-chan?"

Guitarist didn't know what to answer. Kei was giving him... compliments? He looked down, playing with a straw in his drink.

"Maybe. It's probably annoying to have a partner, who's not in a friendship with his watch. Maybe that's the reason." he said with forced smile and still not looking at a drummer.

He could as well say "Because there's someone I love, but they don't know about it". Kei would probably get interested and telling him the truth would be too risky.

Kei sighed and looked at his drink. He didn't drink half of it yet. He sipped some more of it. Maybe he'll just get punched in the face if he'll do something stupid. But Tsurugi was flustered all the time, so maybe he was able to hook him up just a little.

"Okay, Keita, you're in your thirties and you're a man. Not a shy teenage girl with complexes. You can do it. And if it won't work out, you can always play it as a joke, right?"

"You know? I have an idea abut how to change your situation." Kei got up, put his hands on the table, leaning over Tsurugi.

"Do you know, what's my idea, Tsuru-chan?" he asked, looking confused guitarist straight in the eye.

Tsurugi looked at him slightly flustered, staring into blonde's eyes.

"What do you mean?" he asked, not looking away.

"I'm telling you that I love you, you silly boy." Kei smiled, put his hands on Tsurugi's face and kissed him.

Tsurugi didn't have the chance to say anything, because Kei shut his mouth with a kiss. He blinked a few times, confused, but then he closed his eyes and gave back the kiss.

Kei pulled away from Tsurugi and looked him in the eyes.

"Do you love me, Kenyo?" he asked, but it was a rhetorial question.

He smiled lightly, moving his fingertips across his cheek.

"You don't even know how much, Keita." Tsurugi replied quietly.

~~The End~~

"Your eyes are empty, when you're broody"

Band: Kagrra,
Pairing: Isshi&Nao
Rating: 15+
Genre: romance, light angst
Series: "Life with a Ghost"
Warnings: -paranormal existence
Note: Nao is broody, Isshi is worried.



One day, when you went to the studio, I thought about making a dinner. Remember, how we laughted, when you entered the kitchen and asked what exploded here? Other time, you took me for a walk in the rain and kissed me in the middle of the street, even though a lot of people were there. Later you moved my wet hair from my face and told me I look prettier than usual. You smiled so cute back then no one even knew you were able to smile like that. When I was away, you called me in the middle of the night asking me to come back, because you couldn't sleep. Even though I was angry at you, I smiled. When we were coming back from the studio in winter and I was wearing some thin jacket, you took off your coat and put it on me, then put your gloves on my hands. I said you'll catch a cold and you only shrugged, then kissed me on the forehead. Once you didn't want to get up and I knew very well your feet are very ticklish and used that knowledge. You got angry at me. Remember the day you were in one room with a book and I with the PSP in other? At one point you took the game away from me, put it away on the couch and kissed in a way that made me immediately stop being angry at you about not beating that stupid high score. Because you were there.

Nao snapped out from his thoughts when he felt Isshi's hand on his.

"Something happened, Shino?" he asked.

"No." replied Isshi. "I just don't like, when you get broody. Your eyes look so empty."

"Empty." repeated Nao, weaving Isshis fingers with his. "Do you know someone, who's eyes are always "empty"?"

"Kousuke's eyes used to be the same." said Isshi after a while. "Until he believed in love."

"Keiyu didn't believe in love?" asked Nao.

"No, he didn't." answered Isshi. "That's why, when you say something about him in drunk company, you can hear "Ah, that one. I slept with him"."

"I thought those were false drunk stories." said Nao.

"What? False stories?" asked Isshi.

"You know." started Nao. "We went hit Keiyu and Tora for a beer. Our small vocalist drank a little too much and that's how I learned how many partners he had and that he was your uke for a night. Let's change topic. I've had enough of this talk about bedrooms."

"I have to clean the dust." said Isshi, sitting on the bed. "Or maybe you want to do it?"

"Not so much." Nao smiled, leaning his head on Isshi's arm. "Look at our picture, Shino. And at that happines in our eyes."

That picture was made in January of 2009 by Akiya. It showed Nao sitting on a chair and embracing him Isshi. They both looked in eachothers eyes, completely ignoring the world. On some other picture they are kissing, but it was hidden in a photo album somewhere at the bottom of a drawer, so no one could find it. Akiya probably to this day remembers, how Isshi yelled at him, when he saw him with a camera and found out about those pictures. And now vocalist and bassist are glad that sometimes he moves a bit to far.

"That picture is beautiful, right, Shino?" asked Nao.

"You are beautiful." replied Isshi, turning into Nao's direction.

Bassist blinked a few times.

"What?" he said after a while. "You're telling me this without any metaphors? Wow."

"I don't need metaphors when I have you." whispered Isshi, laying Nao on his back.

Then he covered him with a quilt.

Clock on the wall ringed for midnight.

"Shino, it's December seventh." said Nao, looking at the calendar. "Happy birthday, honey."

"Thank you." Isshi kissed Nao's cheek. "Go to sleep, Yamiyo. You need to rest, right?"

"Yeah, I do." muttered Nao. "Goodnight, Shino."

"Goodnight, Yamiyo." replied Isshi, pulling Nao closer.

Nao slowly closed his eyes, hugging Isshi. Then he fell asleep.

This situation seems normal, right? Look around, then. Noticed something weird? Look at a calendar. Which year it shows? 2011, right? Then notice black ribbon pit on a picture frame, with picture mentioned before and go do something useful, so you won't stand like that in someones bedroom. Now, or else I'll be scaring you in your sleep.

The end

"I will stay with You forever"

Band: Kagrra, with Alice Nine and Kra in the background
Pairing: Isshi&Nao with Tora&Akiya and Izumi&Shin in the background
Rating: 15+
Genre: angst
Series: "Life with a Ghost"
Warnings: death, paranormal existence, slice of life
Note: 25th July, year 2011, the world learned about Isshi's death, who had died on 18th July. And nothing after that was the same.

~First person narration~

I'm standing in a doorway, while looking at your thinking face. You're sitting on the bed, looking in the abyss. The window is open and it's cold outside. I walk trough the room to close it. You snap out from your thoughts and look at me, but you're not saying anything and go back to your interesting activity.

I tell you, I'm making you tea. Your favorite. Green with prickly pear's fruit. I take out purple cup you got from me as a birthday present and I pour in some tea. I boil water, then pour it into your favorite drink, knocking off a teaspoon from the cupboard by accident. You enter the kitchen, pick up cat from the table and look surprised at volatilazing steam emerging from the cup. You touch hot vessel and jump away. You sit down for a moment, sigh, then you take the cup and go to your room. Cat immediately jumps on the table and falls asleep.

I go check on you. You're dreaming, like my ginger cat. But you're sleeping on the couch with empty mug in your hands. I take vessel from your hands and put it on a cupboard nearby. I cover you with blanket and look at your sleeping face. Then I stand up, pick you up and take you to the bedroom. Dogs are whining and jumping around my legs. I silence them with my stare. I don't want them to wake you up.

Next day, we go out of home. You're walking, sad and deep in thoughts, with boquet of purple roses in your hand. You know this color means longing? Perhaps no, but you wanted to show that way, those flowers are from you.

We enter the graveyard. We pass the graves of different people, known and unknown, until we reach the grave which was our destination. You put flowers on it. Your lower lip begind to shake, then you fall on your knees and start crying. This is too much. I hate when you're crying. I put my hand on your arm and you suddenly become silent. You slowly lift your hand and touch mine. I feel that you're shaking. You turn around and look me in the eyes.

"Shino?" you ask surprised, still looking at me.

Am I only visible, when I touch you? That would explain a lot.

I remember how in March of 2010 you went to your parents and I sat on a bed with results I got from the doctor. Kousuke came to me, because I called him. I had to tell someone.

"Shino, where are you? What happened?" Kousuke entered the hall and looked around.

Then he noticed me.

"Shino, I'm starting to worry. What happened?"

Kousuke approached me and I gave him the results. He looked at them, and then at me, terrified. Then I hugged him and started to cry

"Don't tell anyone." I said, still crying.

It was October, and you caught a cold as always. Izumi called for a band practice, so I left you with first aid kit, tissues and warm tea in bed and went by myself. After a practice I sat on a couch and looked ad packing friends.

"We have to dissolve our band." I said. All three looked at me, shocked.

"Are you insane?" Shin looked at me. "Why?"

"I'm dying." I explained with shaking voice.

Izumi sat down, Akiya froze with bottle of water in his hand, and Shin opened his eyes as wide as he could.

"You're... kidding." said Akiya "You're kidding, right?"

"I wish I was." I said feeling tears coming to my eyes. "Don't tell anyone. I'll think of other reason why we are disbanding. But don't tell anything Yamiyo. I don't want him to worry."

"But Isshi..." started Izumi, but I silenced him with a gesture.

"I want Kagrra, to disband now. Not when I'll be gone." I explained. "Please. Take care of Yamiyo. He'll need you."

I've never been hugged by three crying bandmates before.

Few months later I called Shin to take you somewhere. I was so weak I had no strenght to hide the truth from you. I lied that I'm only tired. I told you, I like when you call me by my full name, when you say you love me. I sent Kousuke a message telling him to come visit me. He couldn't so I asked Akiya. He agreed. And I simply didn't want to be alone, or worry you.

I looked at you, while you were taking off your blouse from a coat hanger. Even though it was middle of July, it was cold outside.

"I'm going to the studio with Shin." you said, smiling. "Maybe we'll record something, then we'll go for a beer. Yeah, it's a good idea."

"I love you, Yamada." I said, approaching you and kissing you lightly.

"I love you to, Shinohara." you smiled and went out of house.

I layed down on the bed. I heard the clock striking twelve o'clock then I've fallen asleep. I woke up for a moment and thought about writing something on my blog. I had just turned on my laptop, when I felt dizzy. I layed down again and drifted away after a while.

I woke up suspiciously calm. Nothing hurt me, nothing was wrong. I stood up and looked at my clothes. They were the same but... White. I turned around and saw myself, still laying on the bed. I died in my sleep, that's good. I approached the door and noticed they aren't locked. I must've forgot. But at least Akiya won't have to pry it open.

Literally few minutes later I heard knocking on the door. After a moment Akiya was standing in the doorway, with Tora behind him

"Opened?" wondered Akiya and looked at also surprised Tora.

He looked around the house. He noticed me. He looked at Tora, then approached my body.

"Isshi, wake up." said quietly Akiya, shaking my arm. "Kami, Isshi, wake up. Shinohara, please, wake up. Hitoshi Shinohara, can you hear me?"

Akya grabbed me by my wrist and froze.

"Amano... Amano, he's... He's dead. Isshi is dead."

Akiya fallen on the floor Tora, who was standing all this time in a bedroom's doorway, shocked, approached Akiya and hugged him. I never saw them cry so much.

 ~Third person narration~

Shin went ouf of from the bathroom, still drying his wet hair with a towel. He saw smiling Nao, siting in front of his laptop.

"I let myself write a post for my blog from our computer." Nao smiled even wider. "I can, right? I just checked if I have any comments. Now I'll go take a bath and then I'll go back home."

Nao passed Shin in the doorway and went to the bathroom. Then guitarist just now noticed, Izumi is looking sad.

"What happened, Izumida?" asked Shin, approaching his koi.

"Hashi, I..." started Izumi, and gave him his cellphone. "I can't believe it."

Shin took the phone from Izumi's hand and read the message from Tora.

Izumi. Akiya would've called you if you could understand, what he's saying. I decided to write, because my throat is clutched from crying and I couldn't say anything. Me and Akiya found Isshi yesterday... without a pulse. He died, Izumi. Isshi is dead. His family told us to not tell anyone else beside you. Try to explain it somehow to Nao.

Shin sat down from shock. He never wished Isshi death.

Nao wen out from the bathroom. He was confused, seeing Shin's and Izumi's faces.

"What happened?" asked bassist.

"Nao, Isshi was sick." started Shin, who was still shocked. "That's why he wanted Kagrra, to disband. I have to admit, he was a good actor."

"He didn't want to worry you and told us to also stay silent." explained Izumi with shaking voice. "Beside us, Akiya, Tora, Keiyu and Mai also knew. No one else."

"He's in hospital, right?" asked Nao, terrified. "Right?"

"No." Izumi shaked his head and hid his face in his hands.

"Akiya and Tora found him yesterday." explained Shin and sighted. "Nao... Oh, Yamada, he died. Shinohara died yesterday in his sleep."

Nao looked at Shin, then Izumi, then he turned around and ran outside.

"Nao!" Shin stod up, but Izumi stopped him.

"Let's give him a while." he said. "But while might be not enough. It will take him many years to get used to this. If he'll actually ever be able to. But I know right now he ran to his house."

Izumi was right. Nao ran as fast as he could, not noticing people passing by. Shino, his Shino is waiting for him for sure. He'll hold him tight, kiss and apologise for making him worry. Then he'll yell at them for this stupid joke.

Nao barged into his house, quickly opening locked door.

"Shino!" he called. "Shino, where are you?! Shinohara! Shino! Hitoshi Shinohara, where are you?! Shino?!"

Nao ran to the bedroom. On the cupboard he found piece of paper folded few times.

"Akiya." whispered Nao and unfolded the paper.

If you're reading this, you're propably Nao. If you're Nao, you're propably looking for Shinohara. If you're looking for Shinohara, on the back side I wrote you his cousin's number. She'll tell you where they took him. Take Izumi and Shin with you.
Remember, me and Amano will always be there for you and you should know that Shinohara loved you so much.

Akiya

Nao put back the piece of paper on the cupboard with shaking hands. He turned around and took from the shelf framed picture of him with Isshi. Then something fell out from behind the frame. It was a letter. Even though Nao cried, he recognized Isshi's handwriting from afar.

Dear Yamiyo.
I realise that if you grabbed our picture, someting had happened. It's me, who's cleaning the dust in our house, so I don't think something suddenly changed. I guess I've died, right?
Yamiyo, I'm sorry, I haven't told you about my illness, but I didn't want to worry you. I wanted you to smile till the end of my days. Now you also have to smile. Please, don't do anything stupid.
Yes, Kagrra, broke up because of me, but I didn't want to leave you with all the problems my death would've caused.
I love you. I will always love you, Yamada.

Your Shino

Nao, holding picture in one hand, and letter in the other, fallen to his knees. Loud, terrifying and full of despair scream probably heard every neighbour of bassist.

Shin and Izumi were standing in a doorway of Nao's bedroom. They saw Nao saying on the floor and shaking from crying, without any will to live in his eyes.

  ~First person narration~

You're standing in front of me, still holding my hand. We look each other in the eyes, trying to guess what the other one is thinking.

"Hold me." you whisper and hug me and I embrace you with my arms. "Will you stay with me, Shino?"

"I will stay." I promise, kissing your forehead. "I will stay with you forever, my Yamiyo."

Shinohara Isshi Hitoshi

7 XII 1978 - 18 VII 2011

Rest in peace, my Shino

  

 ~~The end~~