Band: D=OUT&Acme (ex. xTRiPx)
Pairing: Naoto&Shougo, mentioned Satoshi&Shougo
Rating: 17+
Genre: soft angst
Warnings: -
Note: Shougo explains, why he broke up with Naoto.
Prequel to "Old new love".
I asked someone about something stupid.
"Yoshito, do you sometimes have a feeling that your relationship is too ideal?"
And this person answered me in ecually stupid way.
"Ya usually don't talk about these things, Shougo. Ya must have some serious reason, hm?" he looked at me from behind his sunglasses, sat on the sofa and opened a beer can. "What are ya expectin' from me?"
"I don't know..." I replied quietly.
"Ya know, ideal relationships don't exist" he mumbled. "In our times even relationships don't exist. Luv is somethin' that our parents knew, but when I look at all these divorced aunties, I'm not so sure. And we? D'ya really think that we can fall in luv?"
"I love Naoto" I said firmly.
Or at least I wish I said it firmly.
"Ya voice is tremblin'" Yoshito sat down straddling and leaned back comfortably. "Listen, dude. Ya luv my bro. Okay. But d'ya think that for what he needs this studio apartament, which he rents to students?"
"Studio apartament?" I repeated.
"Yup, this studio apartament, where he lived until two of ya started datin" Yoshito drank half the can in one gulp and wiped his mouth with his hand. "He didn't tell ya that he still has it?"
"No..." I was so confused for the first time in my life.
Later, when I was with Satoshi, I was confused all the time.
"So he has luvers" Yoshito shrugged. "I have too. And K has. Evryone has. It's normal. We're rockers. We sleep around with fans mostly. With women and men. And sometimes with someone where I don't know what the hell they are."
"But... But this is Naoto. He wouldn't..."
"Cheat on ya? Oh, Shougo, don't be naive" Yoshito sipped the last drops of beer and pulled out cigarettes from his pocket. "Ya actin' as a fangirl that found out that her idol isn't a virgin."
"But it's Naoto!"
"And what?" Yoshito put one cigarette in his mouth. "My bro isn't some little god. Besides, ya talkin' with me, right? So I think that ya suspect somethin'."
"Yes, but..."
"Ya didn't ask me about it only for hearin' that ya Naoto is a saint and his penis bugs only ya bum, right?" Yoshito lit a cigarette and inhaled the smoke.
I wanted to point out to him that he should go outside with the cigarette, because even though I smoke too, I don't want to smell his stinky cigarettes in this room.
I wanted it, because Yoshito smokes indecently strong cigarettes and even this smoke irritated my sinuses and throat.
But I couldn't. I just stared at him as if he told me the Earth was triangular. And worse, my blind mind, panicked and, as Yoshito himself stated, naively believed everything.
"Oi, dude, are ya ok?" Yoshito waved his hand in front of my eyes, then took another puff and exhaled a cloud of gray smoke from his mouth. "Ya look like I made ya realize where brats come from."
Maybe I should talk to Naoto then. But all I could say about it was asking him, if he really hadn't sold his studio apartament.
And of course I got a positive answer. He saw no problem with it and I uttered words that I have regretted until today. That should never fall out of my mouth.
"It's okay. You won't be homeless then."
I remember a sadness in his eyes, when he finally understood, what I am talking about. But it's Naoto, so he only smiled and didn't ask, why. He just nodded and asked if I could help him with moving.
The interpretation of this was obvious to me at the time. He realized that I knew about his cheating. But now I'm aware of the fact that I was blind. The fact that our relationship was so great that we practically didn't argue at all, that it was downright boring and too good wasn't the result of pretending to be the most tender partner in the world. Naoto didn't want to hide a fact that he cheated on me. It was just love.
And I, like a real idiot, destroyed it.
The end
