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Band: Kagrra, Alice Nine, THE KIDDIE, D=OUT, vistlip, MoNoLith, D, Lack-Co., Sadie, Nightmare, D'espairsRay, Anli Pollicino, ViViD, Kra, Lustknot., Dir en grey, 168 -one sixty eight-, Migimimi sleep tight, THE MICRO HEAD 4N'S

Pairing: Isshi&Nao, Izumi&Shin, Tora&Akiya, Saga&Shou, Nao&Hiroto, Yusa&Yuusei, Sorao&Yuudai, Minase&Jun, Reika&Hikaru, Kouki&Ibuki, Tomo&Tohya, Umi&Yuh, Rui&Shuhei, Takafumi&Hayato, Ryu&Keita, Asagi&Ruiza, Hiroki&Hide-zou, Tsunehito&San, Tsurugi&Kei, Mao&Mizuki, Hitsugi&Yomi, Ruka&Sakito, Karyu&Zero, Tsukasa&Hizumi, Masatoshi&Yo-ichi, Kiyozumi&Takuma, Shin&Shindy, Ivu&Ko-ki, Ryoga&Reno, Yasuno&Yuhra, Keiyu&Mai, Satoshi&Takuya, Yuki&Sino, Die&Toshiya, Kyo&Shinya, Aoi&Ryohei, Kazuya&Ricky

Rating: 17+

Genre: comedy, parody

Warnings: -

Note: How does adawinry see each pairing? Take the trip to the bathroom as an example.

 "Save water, bathe with your girlfriend!"

* * *

Nao: Shino?

Isshi: Don't even think about it.

Nao: But Shino... *puppy eyes*

Isshi: Lavender or rose oil?

* * *

Izumi: Hashi, I bought you a yogurt.

Shin: Should I fill the bathtub with water?

* * *

Tora: Aki, I bought you vanilla scented bubble bath!

Akiya: What are you doing? Does it have anything to do with that commercial?

Tora: No, absolutely not.

Akiya: Let's go to the bathroom, you silly.

* * *

Saga: Kazuma, sunshine. I was shopping and I bought you all the soy milk flavors.

Shou: The bathtub is mine, Sakamoto.

* * *

Hiroto: What's in it for me?

Nao: Whatever you want.

Hiroto: "Dragon Ball" marathon and you're explaining Shou, why we skipped the band practice.

Nao: I could offer a dinner...

* * *

Yuusei: Ryohei, come on!

Yusa: Don't jump or you'll...

Yuusei: *slips on the the tiles*

Yusa: ...trip and fall.

* * *

Sorao: Yuudai, come on.

Yuudai: No.

Sorao: I'll give you a cookie.

Yuudai: *facepalm* Who am I living with?

* * *

Jun: Are we going?

Minase: Yes!

* * *

Reika: Come with me.

Hikaru: Okay, but don't put your selfie on Twitter after that.

Reika: Hikaru!

Hikaru: I go, I go.

* * *

Ibuki: Why are you carrying me?

Kouki: It's more romantic that way.

Ibuki: Honey, I don't need romance. I need sex. Now.

* * *

Tomo: Matsu?

Tohya: But you're providing me instant noodles for a year.

Tomo: Are you crazy?!

* * *

Umi: Umm, Yuu?

Yuh: Yes?

Umi: Uhh...

Yuh: Fill the bathtub.

* * *

Rui: *trips on a doorway*

Shuhei: *trips on Rui*

Rui: I guess that's it.

* * *

Takafumi: Hayato, can we take a bath together?

Hayato: I was about to ask you the same!

* * *

Ryu: Keita, follow me to the bathroom.

Keita: But I am seme.

Ryu: In your dreams, love. Come here.

* * *

Ruiza: Takahiro?

Asagi: Yoshiyuki?

Ruiza: So no?

Asagi: My uke is smart.

* * *

Hide-zou: *slips on the tiles and falls down*

Hiroki: Should I call an ambulance?

* * *

San: What do you think, Tsune? If my hair is blue and yours is red, will the water turn purple?

Tsunehito: Yes. Well treat it as our child and name Murasaki-chan.

* * *

Kei: Kenyo, for what do you need that phone?

Tsurugi: I need to post something on Twitter, right?

Kei: And maybe add a yellow rubber ducky?

Tsurugi: Good idea!

* * *

Mizuki: Masao, maybe we should turn the light off and light some candles?

Mao: In your dreams.

* * *

Yomi: Did something happen, Ikari?

Hitsugi: I wonder how long do I need to be underwater to get my piercing rusty.

Yomi: Better go buy that bubble bath, before they close the shop.

* * *

Sakito: *grabs Ruka's hand*

Ruka: *follows Sakito with poker face*

* * *

Karyu: Michio?

Zero: Yoshi, sunshine. No one's gonna fit in that bathtub with you. Do I have to sit on your lap?

* * *

Hizumi: *pulls Tsukasa's sleeve*

Tsukasa: I was thinking about that.

* * *

Yo-ichi: Masa-chan, Masa-chan!

Masatoshi: Only if you won't get into the washing machine.

* * *

Kiyozumi: Takuma, honey...

Takuma: There's practice tomorrow.

Kiyozumi: So tomorrow.

Takuma: There's practice the day after tomorrow. And there'll be practices as long as you won't change your mind.

* * *

Shindy: Akihide, where are you?

Shin: *waves his hand from under the pile of towels*

Shindy: *pretends to write a note* Day tweenty ninth. Akihide drowned in the towels for the third time.

* * *

Ko-ki: Maybe I'm a sexoholic, but a bathtub is a private space and...

Ivu: *lifts Ko-ki and carries him to the bathroom*

Ko-ki: Who did I try to argue with?

* * *

Reno: Tensei, are we going?

Ryoga: No.

Reno: Do you still think I know the word "no"?

* * *

Yuhra: Come take a bath.

Yasuno: No way! My hair will get curly!

* * *

Keiyu: Are you coming or not?

Mai: I don't really have a choice...

* * *

Satoshi: Takuya, water is getting cold.

Takuya: Wait a minute, I cannot take a picture.

Satoshi: Kami-sama...

* * *

Yuki: Sino?

Sino: No.

Yuki: Did someone ask you?

* * *

Toshiya: *grabs Die's arm and pulls him into the bathroom*

Die: I need to sell the TV.

* * *

Kyo: Shinya?

Shinya: I washed Miyu today.

Kyo: Nevermind then.

* * *

Ryohei: *looks at Aoi*

Aoi: I'm not your girlfriend.

Ryohei: But you're mine.

Aoi: No, honey. You're mine. Now let's go to the bathroom.

* * *

Kazuya: Poochie poochie, get in the bathtub.

Ricky: I can't. I'm waiting for the UFO.

* * *

The end

Love counselor

Band: Alice Nine, with Kagrra,, ViViD and Anli Pollicino in the background

Pairing: Saga&Shou, mentioned Isshi&Nao, Tora&Akiya, Shin&Shindy

Rating: 17+

Genre: comedy

Warnings: -

Note: Shou didn't want to become some love counselor, but his friends think that he's perfect on this position.

*ding dong*

Shou got off the couch and approached the door. He knew very well who was it.

"Hello" Isshi smiled lightly. "Will you let me in or are we going to talk here?"

"Come in, you meanie" Shou invited him with the motion of his hand. "I'll make us some tea."

Shou sat in an armchair and looked at Isshi with anticipation.

"Will you finally tell me who is it about?" he asked, when his friend didn't react.

"About Nao" Isshi gave a short reply. "He's acting a bit weird, don't you think?"

"Your Nao?" Isshi nodded his head. "Weird, you say. So you're worried about him. That's why you came here?"

"It's complicated" said Isshi.

"For you?" Shou laughted. "This is the first time I hear something is not easy for you."

"It's complicated, because I'm starting to act weird and it's getting annoying" explained Isshi.

Shou froze for a brief moment.

"You fell in love?" Shou's eyes became larger than normally.

"Is it that weird?" asked Isshi, fiddling his fingers.

"No" Shou laughed. "But you know. You're a vocalist. I always thought we know how to express our feelings."

"Well, looks like I'm an exception."

"You're scared."

"I'm not scared!" said Isshi.

"Don't tell lies, Isshi. Everyone is scared" Shou smiled lightly. "Just tell him about it. I have good feelings about this situation. Now drink your tea before it gets cold."

*ding dong*

"What now?" Shou got up from the bed and approached the door.

When he opened it, he saw Tora.

"Help me or I'll go crazy" said Tora.

"Amano Masashi, you incompetent human, it's 3AM. At this hour people sleep" Shou eyed Tora. "I know you're not 100% Japanese, but I'd like to let you know this is not normal situation."

"So I'm crazy?" Tora leaned on a door frame. " I didn't sleep for two days. Help me."

"If tomorrow we'll be unconscious on a practice, I'll kill you" Shou gave out a deep sigh.

Shou poured some tea into two cups and put them on the table.

"What's bothering you?"

"That's the problem. I don't know" said Tora. "Well... Shou. have you ever fell in love with a guy? It's surreal. You cannot love someone of the same gender or at least I cannot do it. Did you know Isshi and Nao are together? They are kissing. Did you understand that?"

"Tora, are you by any chance drunk?" Shou asked, hardly stoping himself from laughter.

"I'm not drunk. I'm scared" corrected him Tora.

"That's what so scary to you? Isshi's and Nao's happiness?" asked Shou. "If you want to know, I had a hand in the fact that both of them finally got together..."

"Not them. I scare myself" Tora exhaled.

"Kami, Tora, can you be more clear? I'm the vocalist here and I have no idea what are you talking about" Shou sighed.

"I feel warm when I see Akiya and I can't stop looking at his smile" explained Tora.

"And?"

"Is this normal? He's a dude, right? And I'm straight, right? Then what's going on?"

"Tora, how old are you?"

"Huh?"

"How old are you?" Shou smiled. "Twelve? FIfteen? Because no way you're almost thirty."

"Shou!"

"You'll wake up my neighbours, stop screaming" Shou smacked Tora's head. "Look around, Amano. There are mostly gays and bisexuals among musicians. Not a lot of straight people. Maybe Kaoru fro DIr en grey. Do you love Akiya? That's good, I'm happy. Tell him so everyone will live happily ever after. Now drink your tea and go to sleep or else Nao will kill us for being zombies on a band practice."

*ding dong*

"Good morning, Shou-san" Shin smiled. "Come in, please."

"They should pay me for doing this" said Shou, closing the doors behind him. "What happened, Shin-kun?"

"Have you ever fallen in love with someone you don't get to see around too often?" asked Shin, attempting to sit in the armchair, but judging the distance badly and falling down.

"No, and you could try to not kill yourself when I'm around" Shou smiled. "I don't want to go to prison."

"You really spent too much time with Isshi" said Shin. "I mean... I'll go make some tea!"

Shin got up rapidly and ran to the kitchen. Shou looked at him.

"No, Shou. Now is not the time for self-pity" he muttered to himself.

"Here you go" Shin came back after a while and put a blue mug with flower pattern in front of Shou.

Kazuma laughted quietly.

"So will you explain me why did you fall in love with someone unavalible again?" asked Shou, picking up the mug.

"That's not my fault" complained Shin.

"Man or woman?"

"Man... In theory" Shin laughed.

"So it's a guy in a dress, huh?" Shou smiled. "At least he won't get pregnant with other guy like Bunko or turns out to be a lesbian like Miyuki. And won't curse you for your orientation like Junko. He also sound like someone from our scene, so at least he won't run away only because you're a vocalist, like Mitsuki did. What are you waiting for, Shin?"

"You remember all my girlfriends?" asked Shin.

"Believe me, somehow I remember  everyone that clung to your arm when you opened me doors. But the nicest one so far was Mitsuru. Why did you two break up?"

"I told you, he got bored" Shin sighed. "But we're still in touch. He calls me with his problems and I call him with mine."

"And with falling in love with mister Y you couldn't, because...?"

"Yes. I'm gonna call my ex to ask him how to make someone take his place. That would be embarrasing" said Shin.

"He was the one who left you."

"It was mutual. Anyway, it's not about Mitsuru. It's about Shindy."

"Anli Pollicino's Shindy?" asked Shou.

Shin nodded his head.

"You would match each other."

"Kazuma, you forgot to close the door. They'll rob us again!" Saga stormed into Shin's flat. "Sorry for barging in, but my forgetful uke doesn't understand the purpose of door keys. Are you giving love advice again, Kazuma? Aren't you bored?"

"No" Shou shook his head. "Shin, it'll be the best if you try to confess Shindy your feelings. Now drink your tea. It's probably cold by now."

*ding dong*

"Leave them alone" Saga pulled Shou's hand, when he tried to get off the couch. "You don't have to do this. Leave them alone. They'll be fine."

"You know, Sakamoto? It makes me feel good when I help them" Shou kissed his cheek and left the room.

"You could talk to me, though. Because I'm starting to have doubts, Kazuma" muttered Saga, opening the newspaper.

"Shou, help me please!"

"Come in, I'll make some tea."

The end

„How to piss off Kyo?” A Guide by Daisuke Andou

Band: Dir en grey

Pairing: Die&Toshiya, Kyo&Shinya

Rating: 16+

Genre: comedy

Warnings: -

Note: Kyo hates being called cute or by his real name. And Die knows it.

Die leaned on his guitar and looked at Kyo, who for few days now acted like pleasant and nice Tooru, which is a side of vocalist unknown to his fans. He had enough of it.

"Hey, Kyo!" he called, when Kyo once again complimented sprout salad by "his beatiful Shinya, who he loves so much".

"Yes?" Kyo looked away from Shinya.

"Anata wa kawaii desu, Tooru-chan." said Die in a sweet voice.

"Let's pay respects to our dear friend, Andou Daisuke." said Shinya, knowing what'll happen next.

"ANDOU!"

Toshiya packed his bass, knowing that Kyo came back and his koi will be out of comission, when he'll finally come off the wall that vocalist will smear him into.

Kaoru only hit his face with his palm and cursed, then said:

"Who am I working with?"

Leader got up from his chair and approached the door.

"But Kyo, we need that guitarist." he said, seeing how Kyo grips Die's hair, then he left.

THE END