I can hear

Band: DIV; D=OUT in the background

Pairing: Naoto&Shougo, Chobi&Chisa

Rating: 17+

Genre: slice of life

Warnings: life in danger

Note: In one part of "Letters to days and nights" it was mentioned that Shougo was scared for Chisa and that inspired me to write this miniature.

I'm sitting against the wall. You're probably thinking that I can't hear it, but I can. Walls are thin. I have good hearing.

I can hear your ragged breath. I can hear you flipping things. Did you forget, where you put your inhaler again?

Maybe I should tell Chobi about it? Maybe both of you will start to think again. Before I'll kill you. Because if things will stay like this, you'll be dead and I'll be standing above your dead bodies and laughing like a psycho.

I can hear some strange noises. It's suspicious. Very suspicious. I write a short message to Naoto, because I don't want to confuse him, when I'm going to want to have sex for relax because of this situation. I'm going to your room after that.

Well, I just wanted to insult you or something. That you're doing this again and that you can't do this all the time and...

I don't know what else I wanted to do. But I didn't know that I'll be standing in your room, looking at you. You, laying on the floor, with blue lips and barely alive.

Fuck. This. Shit.

You'll probably mumble again that you don't need hospital. It's good that I know where you are hiding your medicines.

BUT YOU NEED TO STOP LOSING YOUR INHALER, BECAUSE NEXT TIME I'LL KILL YOU WITH THIS SYRINGE.

You ask me, what happened. I ask you too. Hugging you like my younger brother, who almost gave me a heart atack a moment ago.

Stupid Chisa. Stupid, stupid, stupid Chisa. What an idiot.

Chobi is an idiot too.

We're all idiots.

I can hear the key turning in the lock.

Naoto stands on the threshold of your room. He looks at me in tears and at you, already quietly breathing. He only sighs and asks, if he should take you to the hospital.

Of course you say "no".

And you say that everything is okay.

You've been saying it for months.

Or since forever...

Only Chobi had this talent that he could force you to tell the truth.

...

...I swear I'm gonna drown you!

The end

Take care of him

Band: D=OUT&Acme; Belle and xTripx in the background

Pairing: Naoto&Shougo, mentioned Reika&Hikaru, Masato&Akiya and Yoshito&K

Rating: 17+

Genre: comedy

Warnings: specific sense of humour, mild language

Note: Naoto let Reika to plan revenge on Shougo and Yoshito and it went so well as you can think.

"I can't believe, did he really say something like that?" asked Reika.

Naoto nodded.

"But we talked about it seriously" he said, trying to adjust the drum cymbal correctly. "I even reacted... not as calmly I thought I would. So you don't have to be mad at him."

"I'm not mad" denied Reika.

"Yeah, you're just furious" Naoto smiled to him. "Right, Hikaru?"

Hikaru, tuning his guitar, flinched, when he heard his own name.

"You mean he's mad at Shougo? Of course" he said.

"Typical Tuesday" said Ibuki, correcting notes to his new guitar solo. "Don't look at me like that, I'm just saying the truth."

"When Shougo broke up with you, we thought that Reika would kill him" added Kouki, folding some paper with probably a failed text.

"Once he really went to his house" announced Hikaru and his bandmates looked at him, surprised. "I mean, he didn't want to kill him, of course, but he wanted to tell him, how much he's pissed of. But Yoshi was the one, who opened the door and Minoru changed his mind."

Naoto blinked and looked at Reika.

"Mino... I'm an adult, I know what to do with my own life" he said calmly.

As always.

"Until it's not about Shougo, you know, right" Reika nodded. "But you kept leaving your girlfriends every time after meeting him again, when he was still your ex. Fascinating, don't you think?"

This time Dauto members looked at Naoto, who just sighed.

"If you think so" he said. "But when you're going to plan your revenge, think about the fact that Shogo is my boyfriend again and Yoshito is my brother, okay?"

"Okay" Reika patted his shoulder and clapped his hand. "Time to work! We have to practice >>Ran<<".

* * *

"Naoto, calm down. Breathe. Inhale and exhale."

"Reika... Why you always... Why name?"

"Because I know you so well I can."

* * *

Shougo came home and hung his hoodie on the hanger. When he was taking off his shoes, he noticed that those belonging to Yoshi's weren't there. But he recognised these old, repaired with glue, stinky sneakers immediately.

These dark green boots too. But in contrast of the sneakers, they were tidy, cleaned and put beside trainers with grey shoelaces.

Naoto and his brothers were sitting with him at the table, when Shougo entered the kitchen.

"Hey, Shougo!" greeted him Masato, followed by Yoshito, who just mumbled something.

Naoto walked to his boyfriend and kissed his cheek.

"Hi" Shougo smiled to them. "What are you up to?"

"Nothin'" replied Yoshito.

"We wanted to..." started Naoto, but then they heard a doorbell. "I'll open."

Shougo looked at Masato, confused. He just shrugged.

After a while, Reika entered the kitchen, carrying some package with him.

"Have you told them yet?" he asked.

"Not yet" replied Naoto.

Shougo really didn't understand, what's going on.

* * *

"Are you okay? What the hell happened?"

"Just a panic attack. I have them sometimes. But recently they're rare."

"What the fuck are you talking about? Are you kidding me? Nothing happened to make you feel like that."

"I feel like that for last six months..."

"You know what? You need a woman. Let's go."

* * *

"Are you kidding me?" asked Shougo, looking at the dress he was holding.

Masato was sitting on the floor and laughing his ass off. Yoshito was looking from Reika to his brothers, avoiding Shougo. And tried to pretend that Naoto didn't put a dress on his head. Like it didn't exist.

"Put them on. You don't even know, how difficult it is to find a dress in Yoshito's size" said Reika.

Yoshito kicked him, making Masato laugh even more. He tried to stop, but failed miserably.

* * *

"Naoto, wake up. Naoto!"

"...Reika? What..."

"Hikaru woke me up. He tried to wake you up too, but he failed. You haven't had nightmares for years. What happened?"

"Kouki... Kouki didn't tell you?"

"About what?"

"Ask Kouki, I'm going back to sleep."

"But Naoto!"

"..."

"...how did he fall asleep so fast?"

* * *

A dress was pink-red. With laces. A classic lolita dress.

Shougo was sitting next to Yoshito, who was as angry as him. His dress was yellow. With a lot of tulle and frills.

Behind the bathroom's door, where their friends stood, he heard only Masato's muted laugh.

"We must talk" murmured Yoshito. "Like some chicks."

"I feel lost" admitted Shougo. "I don't know, what's going on."

"I know" announced Yoshito, pulling out his cigarettes out of his pocket. "They mean that I've told ya stupid things some years ago."

"But why Reika takes part in it?" asked Shougo. "I understand Masato, but..."

"It's probably 'cause he's the same reason who punched my face today" replied Yoshito, litting up his cigarette. "Naoto is his the best buddy. He thought it's gonna be the perfect revenge or somethin'."

"You used to call me that too."

"Whut?"

"Naoto's best buddy."

"Oh. Yeah" Yoshito inhaled the cigarette's smoke. "Sorry."

"What?"

"I messed with ya head" Yoshito sprinkled ash on the tiles, not caring about frowning Shougo. "I was dumb."

"But why? Why did you do that?" asked Shougo.

"Ya were too happy happy. I was about to develop have diabetes becaue of that" replied Yoshito. "K scolded me as fuck, when I told him about the whole thing. I tried to do somethin' about it, but this asshole Satoshi appeared and I coulnd't do shit. And I was tired already because of my bro's sufferin'..."

"...suffering?" Shougo blinked.

Wait, what did Yoshito mean?

"Ya have always been as silly and naive as some chick" Yoshito sighed. "These chicks he had... He just thought that he luved them. And then he met ya and boom! Panick attacks, nightmares, breakin' up with them... And this stinky motherfucker even threatened him! I punched this stupid mug of him, wonderin' how it's even possible for some walkin' triangle like him to have such a girlie face, but he didn't change his mind."

Shougo frowned. He didn't know, what is Yoshito talking about. Especially that Yoshito has never been so talkative.

"He told him not to talk to ya. Ugh, I wanna smear some shit over his mug. Nobody threatens my brother" Yoshito spat on the floor.

Shougo couldn't stand it anymore.

"Don't make a mess!" he scolded him.

"I'll clean it with this stupid dress, don't shake like a mini pin" murmured Yoshito. "He's brave and patient. Really. He's more calm in stressful situations than me, Masato and our sister combined. But then it's about ya. I don't know, what's with ya that ya shake ya gay ass and people lose their minds."

Yoshito crushed his ciragette in the sink.

"Don't hurt him ever again, Inoue" Yoshito put his cigarette in the pocket. "He knows ya all his life. Ya can shout at him, ya can dump him like some trash. But talk to him, for fuck's sake. Or I'm gonna punch ya pretty face."

"How dare you?!" they heard Naoto's voice behind the door.

"Shut up!" Yoshito kicked the door. "Let me out, I'm done with bein' nice today!"

Yoshito argued with still laughing Masato and serious Reika for a while. Shougo didn't listen to them, though. He still tried to understand, what he learned during this conversation.

* * *

"Minoru?"

"What happened, Hikaru?"

"Shougo called Naoto yesterday. And they met."

"Damn. I started to like Chou... Wait. He did what?"

"Called him, because he felt lonely."

"Why Naoto didn't tell me anything?"

"He was worried about your reaction... Minoru, where are you going?!"

"I have to be sure that Shougo won't hurt him again!"

"Minoru! That's why Naoto didn't tell you anything, go back here!"

* * *

Yoshito followed Masato, who, smiling brightly, ran away with his older brother's clothes.

Sometimes Shougo doubted, how old Masato is. How patient is Wakita to even love him?

"Shougo?" called him Reika. "Can we talk for a moment?"

"Of course" Shougo followed Reika to the kitchen.

"I have a request" said Reika. "I know that you're more sensitive than Naoto, but... Take care of him. Can you do it for me?"

"You're so silly. You and Yoshito" Shougo sighed. "I love Naoto, Reika. I won't let myself be so insecure again. I won't leave him. I prefer to hide under someone's coat, thick, lether coat, not some fishnet, which certain people have. And even if we break up... I'm eight years older than then. I'm in my thirties. I'm smarter. I have more empathy. I won't cut ties with him again."

Reika smiled fondly and ruffled Shougo's hair, then he picked up his phone, when it started ringing.

"Hello, Hikaru. Yeah, I'll be back soon" Reika laughed. "Easy there. No one is hurt. Well, maybe Masato, if Yoshito decided to kill his own brother..."

* * *

"Naoto?"

"What?"

"Chobi told me that you never stopped loving me."

"I can even prove it, if you want~"

* * *

Shougo left the kitchen. Naoto was leaning against the wall, looking at his flip-flops.

"To be honest, I wouldn't guess that my brother is going to tell you so much" he admitted.

Shougo walked to him and put a hand on his cheek.

"I just think that it's nice to know that my strong, manly man has emotions and he isn't just an emotionless brick" he said. "I love you, you know?"

"I love you too" replied Naoto and kissed Shougo softly.

"But you know, what I hate?" asked Shougo, when they moved away from each other. "This dress. Why is this so girly?"

"If this dress bothers you so much, we can do something with that" Naoto smirked a little, unzipping Shougo's dress with one move.

"Can you explain, why downstairs I saw Reika, who tried to stop Yoshito from choking Masato and why Yoshito was wearing..." Yoshi stopped abruptly, when he saw Shougo and Naoto, who froze with the dress' zipper between his fingers. "Okay. I changed my mind. Don't explain."

And he walked to his room.

The end

Calm as a coursing river

Band: D=OUT&Acme

Pairing: Naoto&Shougo, mentioned Rikito&Haru and Chobi&Chisa

Rating: 17+

Genre: angry comedy

Warnings: minor violence

Note: Shougo tells Naoto, why did he break up with him last time and Naoto doesn't take it too well.

He wiped the dog-patterned mug with the cloth and put it on the cupboard. He poured strawberry tea into it and turned on the kettle. The other cup, with a big smiling ginger cat, was standing beside his. Green tea was waiting in it. Naoto doesn't like strawberry tea. But anyway, wanting to tease him, he drinks half of it. Such a small standard for them.

Naoto returned right after Shougo poured both teas. He took his jacket off his shoulders and hung it on a coathanger. Shougo felt as if Naoto was troubled by something, but he had no idea what was it.

"Hi, Shogo" said Naoto, sitting down at the table and laying down on it. "Explain to me, why I'm friends with such monstrous leader as Reika?"

"I have no idea" Shougo sat down next to him and put his hand on his shoulder. "Are you so tired?"

"Yes" Naoto muttered, looking at Shougo for a long moment.

It lasted far too long.

"Naoto?" Shougo looked at his beloved's eyes.

"Why?" asked Naoto, suddenly straightening up.

The guitarist felt completely baffled.

"But... But what?" he didn't understand, what Naoto's question was about.

"I've been wondering lately..." started Naoto, leaning back against the wall. "...why we broke up last time. You know... I would rather not make this mistake a second time. I would rather not lose you a second time, so if anything..."

"It was too good" Shougo interrupted him.

Naoto looked at him.

"You're kidding me..."

Shougo thought that he hadn't seen so much anger in Naoto's sight for a long time. Naoto has always been so calm that making him angry was almost impossible.

"And then Yoshito told me about your single apartament and..." Shougo continued. "And he asked, if I know about it and he started to talk about his mistresses, about K's mistresses and that everyone has at least one mistress and I'm the only one, who is loyal like a dog and..."

"Wait" Naoto interrupted. "You went to my silly brother with this, but you didn't tell me about it?"

"I tried to annoy you, but you're always so understanding that it didn't help" Shougo sighed. "I know it's stupid."

"Very stupid" Naoto stood up slowly and, resting his hands on the table, looked him straight in the eye. "Do you remember, when I told you that you play with people?"

"I'm playing with them?"

"You play. You want it to be your way, but at the same time, something has to be wrong, otherwise you start looking for tiniest mistakes" Naoto grabbed Shougo's wrists.

A bit too hard.

"Naoto...?"

"What do you want, Shogo? The adrenaline?" Naoto picked him up by the wrists, lifting him off the floor. "Would you prefer me to be more impulsive?"

"Naoto, what..."

"So here you go. I will be."

Shougo didn't like the way, in which Naoto smiled at this moment.

And he disliked the fact that his back slammed hard against the wall, which hurt him quite badly, even more.

"Na..." Shougo wanted to stop Naoto, but he grabbed his wrists with one hand and put the other hand on his cheek, kissing him so greedily that last time he kissed him like that was...

...well...

...the last time has ever been?

"Are you insane?" Shougo gasped as Naoto pulled away from him. "Are you crazy or what?"

"I'm pissing you off?"

"Naoto."

"So I made you upset?"

"A little..."

"Good, because now I'm upset too. We have to do something about it, right?

"Naoto, what are you..."

"Hmm?"

"...stop..."

"You didn't say that firmly."

"Shut up."

"Oh, it was more firm."

"You could stop breathing too..."

"What?" Naoto laughed.

Shougo was annoyed. He was especially annoyed by Naoto's hot breath blowing on his neck.

Because on the one hand it was pleasant, but on the other hand, his body should listen to him at least a little.

But what could he do about it?

Nothing.

It was so...

"For gods' sake, it's the kitchen! I'm eating here!" they heard suddenly and looked at the voice's direction.

Yoshi was standing in the doorway. He was outraged.

No wonder, actually.

Seeing flushed Shougo, with his hands still immobilized, shirt open, and Naoto's hand in his pants was definitely not a dream sight for their poor roommate.

"We're sorry, Yoshi" said Naoto, pulling out his hand from Inoue's jeans, then unceremoniously tossed him over his shoulder. "I'm taking him, where we won't demoralize you."

"Naoto! Let me go!" Shougo punched his back several times, clearly outraged by the situation.

"You can do the massage later, doggy" said Naoto, jumping to the bedroom. "For now we have to get away, because Yoshi is ready to kill us."

"And I'll let him kill you, he saw me..." Shougo didn't have time to finish, because Naoto threw him on the bed and hung over him. "What..."

"Never listen to my big brother again" said Naoto calmly, but extremely seriously.

"Naoto..." Shougo whispered as the drummer kissed him again.

This time gently and fondly. As always.

"WHEN YOU FINALLY LEARN THAT THIS DAMN DOORS SHOULD BE CLOSED?!" they heard Yoshi's scream.

He slammed their bedroom door and stomped furiously into his room.

He probably wouldn't be satisfied with the fact that Naoto's only reaction to this situation was laughter.

"Idiot" Shougo smacked his head.

"I'm sorry that I keep forgetting about things because of you" said Naoto, taking off his shirt off and tossing it ostentatiously on the floor.

As always.

* * *

"Shougo...? Hey, Shougo, wake up. Shougo, we have to practice. SHOUGO!"

Shougo was brutally awakened. He looked around a bit sleepily. He saw Chisa, both worried and slightly angry, next to him.

"You fell asleep for the third time" noticed the vocalist, taking his hand from Shougo's shoulder.

He probably shook him.

Again.

"What were you doing at night?"

"Do you really want to know?" asked Haru, laying on Rikito's lap and scrolling through Twitter on his phone.

"When I look at these abrasions on his wrists, I personally don't want to" said Rikito. "Although I have a theory."

"What theory?" Haru seemed to be curious about what the bassist will say, because he put the phone in his pocket.

"He and Naoto demoralized their neighbors" Rikito shrugged.

"Poor Yoshi" Chisa summed up shortly.

Shougo wanted to remind the vocalist, how many times Yoshi was complaining about him and Chobi. He also wanted to scold Rikito and Haru for commenting his sex life. But he was too relaxed to be angry. He just smiled and thought that if his punishments would look like this, he could annoy Naoto everyday.

The End

Sweet Liqueur

Band: D=OUT&xTripx

Pairing: Reika&Naoto, mentioned Naoto&Shougo

Rating: 17+

Genre: romance, soft angst

Warnings: melancholy, alcohol

Note: "My friend had strong nerves. Even too strong. And when something happened that surprisly strained him, only three things could comfort him - sweets, alcohol and sex."

I knew that I'll find him here.

My friend had strong nerves. Even too strong. And when something happened that surprisly strained him, only three things could comfort him - sweets, alcohol and sex. And nothing more.

That's why, as I walked down the stairs and saw a man in a sweater sitting at the bar, I knew it was him.

"Hi" I sat next to him.

"Hello" he replied.

He wasn't drunk. I've known him for so long that I know, how much he had drank. Ena has never liked alcohol and was drinking only because of special events or because of sadness.

I prefered calling him by a name.

"Second?" I asked.

He shook his head.

"First. You came quickly" he said.

He lied. I could recognize it.

"He still doesn't talk to you?" I looked at him.

"Still" he nodded.

"But you know, why he broke up with you, right?" I haven't asked him about it before.

"He doesn't want to explain it to me" replied Naoto and gulped down his half drink.

It was seriously bad. I didn't know that he can drink so much alcohol at once.

"So when he was in xTripx, he was still talking to you, but now..."

"But now he's not. Can we not talk about it?" Naoto's tone of voice was... Actually, what?

"I'm sorry, I'm just trying to help you" I said, putting my hand on his shoulder.

However, Naoto got up and smacked my hand.

"Nobody can help me" he mumbled and staggered.

I grabbed his arm, because I didn't want to see him fall. Sometimes he was dizzy because of stress. Especially, when he was a little drunk.

"Naoto" I even don't know, when I also got up.

All I know is that I was still holding his arm and this time he didn't protest.

"We're alone here" sighed Naoto. "Nobody came."

"Not a woman" I noticed. "But I am here."

I don't know at what point the unbuttoned shirt under the cardigan and Naoto's mouth became so sexy that, much to the disgust of the bartender watching us, I kissed my friend.

But I did it. And he kissed me back.

"Reika?"

"I can be Minoru tonight."

* * *

When I was laying in the bed at six o'clock, I was thinking, how bad it is. How exhausted psychically was Naoto that for the first time in his life he forgot about his man's pride and lallowed me to be on top. 

Maybe when they switched roles with Shougo, but yes, he was never anyone's uke.

Until this day. Mine.

It didn't surprise me that he mumbled Shougo's name in his sleep. But the fact that he sprang to a sitting position, breathing shallowly and with horror in his eyes... It wasn't normal.

I have never seen him having a nightmare. He didn't even tell me about any of them.

He was absent at breakfast. He didn't have a hangover, because he would have swear. And he just kept quiet.

"Are you okay?"

Naoto nodded.

"Do you like this onigiri?"

Naoto nodded.

"Did you know that Kouki is an alien?"

Naoto nodded.

He didn't listen to me at all.

* * *

I was leaning on the doorframe and I was watching as Naoto was tying his shoes. His eyesight was blank. As if something had eaten his soul.

My Buddha, how I wanted to punch Shougo for what he did to my friend.

For breaking him. Even if that terribly skinny dog person wouldn't have had a chance to defend himself.

I went to the wardrobe and took out a scarf.

"Naoto?" I called him.

He looked at me, confused.

"Yes?"

"We are men" I said, walking to him. "And that's why we can't show our emotions."

Naoto stood up and leaned over a wall.

"Society forces us to hide emotions" I continued. "Since we are little. Nobody wants see our tears. Even ourselves. And they don't want to hear our crying."

I pulled out my phone and headphones from my pocket. I put the headphones on.

"Cover my eyes" I handed him the scarf and he shook his head in disbelief.

"You are imposibble, Minoru" he said, but he took the scarf and tied it over my eyes.

I opened my arms and Naoto hugged me.

I didn't hear him cry. I didn't see. But I could feel, how my shoulder is getting wet and how he shakes.

Fourteen years of acquaintance.

Twelve of friendships.

Five of relationship.

For more than half of his twenty-five years, Shougo was somewhere nearby. And now suddenly he didn't even want to talk to him.

That hurt. I guessed it hurt a lot more than before.

Because there was always sex after eating something sweet and having three drinks. But for five years with the same person. And even if I wanted to, I wouldn't have had a chance to replace Shougo. If Naoto didn't even care about honor and being a seme, could anyone do it?

No.

A heart crushed into five million tiny crystals can't be put back together in one night.

The end

Ice

Band: Gotcharocka

Pairing: Jui&Jun

Rating: 17+

Genre: romance, hurt/comfort

Series: "Nine Elements"

Warnings: mentioned death

Note: Jui wonders, how it is possible that he started to feel something.

Long ago, I've frozen all my feelings.

Absolute zero. There's no lower temperature.

There was only that one day, when the ice cracked. Emotions were falling apart one after another. Ice floated into a river, which took it to the sea. Even if it was summer.

Then I became frozen again. Crack, crack, crack. Until another year have passed and I've started thinking about it again. The thoughts about what if Yuka was alive.

I didn't let anyone approach me. I've been stuck in the nostalgy. In the emotional coma. Only to explode one day.

I've never been in a long relationship. I didn't like it. I didn't want it. I didn't feel the need.

So how did you unfreeze me?

Huh, Jun?

Knowing you, you broke that ice unintentionally out of pure clumsiness.

The End

Metal

Band: Ganglion

Pairing: Sagara&Oni

Rating: 17+

Genre: romance, soft angst

Series: "Nine Elements"

Warnings: depression

Note: Oni is reminiscing about Sagara's smile.

I heard music. I followed the melody and got on the stage.

You were sitting on the chair with your guitar and practicing the songs from today's setlist.

You pulled the strings, making them move. Usual shaking of metal that entertains millions of people.

Including me.

"Hey, Sagara" I said and you looked at me.

You smiled.

I love your smile. It's so... Honest. Like there's no truer smile existing.

"Let's practice together" I asked and took my guitar.

You nodded your head.

We played "Distance" perfectly synched.

We could always cooperate. In the band, on the stage, in life and even in the bed.

And there was always your smile.

And now I'm back from the tour with random people. You're laying on the couch, covered with an unwashed blanket, with greasy hair. You're not smiling anymore. You're staring into the void.

We'll see a doctor tommorow. Time to change the medicine, because that one is not working anymore.

I hope to see you smile again someday.

The End

Wood

Band: D=OUT&Acme (ex. xTRiPx)

Pairing: Naoto&Shougo

Rating: 17+

Genre: romance, fluff

Series: "Nine Elements"

Warnings: -

Note: Naoto and Shougo reminiscence about the past and present.

Planks creaked under my feet, when I went to the terrace. I liked your parent's house. It was calm and quiet. You could relax and breathe in some fresh air. It's much harder to do in Tokyo.

You were sitting on the steps and throwing a stick for Vainilla. Old dog, but ran like a puppy after it.

"How are you?" I sat next to you while you leaned for a stick and threw it again.

"Fine" you replied. "My parents just let you in like that?"

"We've known each other for twenty years" I shrugged.

Vainilla approached me this time. I scratched her behing the ear and she layed down next to me. With her head on my lap.

"Even your dog likes me" I pet her head.

"Do you think they know?" you asked.

"Your dad? He let me know a few times that Satoshi is stupid and I shouldn't be stupid like him, so yeah. He knows" I laughed.

"Mum wouldn't even notice if we kissed in front of her" you said.

"We did it once" I reminded you.

"We were in highschool and were young and dumb" you noticed. "We didn't even have feelings for each other."

"Yeah, I didn't notice how pretty is your smile yet" I embraced you with one arm and pulled you in closer.

"Stop it" you muttered.

"So stop running away" I asked, blowing into your hair.

"I won't run away" you whispered, closing your eyes. "You annoy me too much this time."

"Eh?!"

Geez, you're such a tsundere.

The End

Darkness

Band: CatFist

Pairing: Yoshi&Meiko (CatFist&OC)

Rating: 17+

Genre: romance, fluff

Series: "Nine Elements"

Warnings: -

Note: Yoshi's girlfriend's thoughts about him and darkness she lives in.

I've been swimming in the darkness since I can remember. I don't know if I liked it or not. I didn't know anything else. I had no choice or something to compare to it.

I got used to it. I liked to listen. I liked to sing. To give shows for the audience while in the school choir.

I didn't see an issue with my disability. I'm blind anyway, hehe.

I liked listening to my brother. His stories. His music. The way he played. Just not his singing. My ears are too sensitive for that.

Once he took me to meet his friends from the band. I felt in the way he talked with one of them, there's something more between them. But I ignored that since my brother was straight.

At least that's what he thought.

But in that friend's flat there were you. Their roommate.

And for the first time I felt like surfacing from the darkness and saw the light.

At first you were just polite. You took me to park and the restaurant. We even went to the cinema a few times. You found it funny how I bumped your arm and asked what's happening.

And when you kissed me for the first time, you got punched in the face. Since then you always warn me when you're about to do it. But I got used to it a little.

Unlike my brother, who's still threatening you. And sex is cool. Even his "friend" caught us a few times.

I still have no idea, if I like the darkness. But I don't need sight to see you. My fingers are enough. I know every inch of your body. Every piece of you. My beloved man.

The End

Light

Band: Nightmare&Kalafina

Pairing: Ni~ya&Hikaru

Rating: 17+

Genre: romance, fluff

Series: "Nine Elements"

Warnings: -

Note: Ni~ya comes back home late and Hikaru is already asleep.

I turned on the light.

You moved on the couch.

I instantly pressed the switch again and you burrowed yourself more into the blanket. Were you cold?

I lifted you off the couch and brought to the bedroom. I cleaned the plate and the wine glass, then went to take a shower. When I left the bathroom, you were standing in a dressing-gown rght outside the door. I almost hit you with it.

"Aren't you asleep?" I asked.

"You came back late" you put your hands on my cheeks. "Something happened?"

"No, just traffic" I explained, kissing your forehead.

You hugged me. I felt the citrus scent of your shampoo.

I embraced you with my arm and closed my eyes.

"Are we going to bed, Hikaru?"

"Just a minute" you whispered. "I want to remember that moment."

"You're a hopeless romantic" I said, blowing into your hair. "But only mine."

I always agreed with you. Just for the peace of heart. Even if I really wanted to go to sleep.

But you're my dream and my light. I don't need to leave it on.

The end

Air

Band: 168 -one sixty eight-&Migimimi sleep tight

Pairing: Aoi&Ryohei

Rating: 17+

Genre: soft angst, slice of life

Series: "Nine Elements"

Warnings: melancholy, nostalgy, mentioned death of parents

Note: "But this house is too quiet. Too empty. Too much dust and spiderwebs."

No one lives in this house anymore. It's empty since a lot of years ago.

Old rusty gate screeches, when you lean on it. It opened by itself.

You turn in my direction. You smile, inviting me inside.

There's a smell of flowers in the air. Sweet and calming. Wind blows in our hair. It's peace and quiet. Not like in the city.

But this house is too quiet. Too empty. Too much dust and spiderwebs.

No one bakes pies in the morning. Little kids aren't running down the stairs to eat it with milk straight from the cow. No one runs to the fields to make flower crowns and bring them to their mum. No one swings on a swing higher and higher to the sky. To the stars.

I take a deep breath. Only then I hear that my parents' house is still alive. But not with them. With someone else. With people, who bought it from my sister.

"Ah, right. Satou-san's sister called me" you talk to the man standing in the doorway.

Little girl hugs his arm.

"Come inside, you can see, how nicely we renovated the bathroom, Satou-san."

Control visit. My sister wanted to know, if everything's alright. She sent us.

And I wasn't suprised at all that tiles in the bathroom were pink.

The end

Earth

Band: Kagrra,

Pairing: Isshi&Nao

Rating: 17+

Genre: angst, slice of life

Series: "Nine Elements"

Warnings: character death

Note: Purple roses symbolise longing.

You brought me flowers. Yellow tulips. They smelled like an apology. I forgave you. We had a fight about something stupid and there was no point dwelling about it.

You tried to grow irises in a garden once, but their blue lasted only for one season. I didn't know, how to take care of them.

You hated cutting the grass. You liked it to be tall, so you could lay in it and write lyrics until the dusk. Then you rolled on your back, stretched, took a cigarette out of your pocket and smoked it. It was like a prize for a work done today.

You always thought that red roses are overrated. You liked white ones more, but the purple ones were your favorite. They symbolised longing and you loved some melancholy and nostalgia.

That's why I buy them. I put the bouquet on your grave, take out the phone to take a picture of the sky like I do twice a year.

Because I still miss you.

The End

Fire

Band: The Guzmania&Acme (ex. DIV)

Pairing: Chobi&Chisa

Rating: 17+

Genre: romance

Series: "Nine Elements"

Warnings: -

Note: Chisa came out to his brother and it didn't work too well, so Chobi had to handle it.

Flames cracked in the fireplace. Covered with a blanket I sat on a pillow and looked into them like I was hipnotyzed. Like I was trying to warm myself from the inside.

"Tea?" I looked up.

You smiled, holding two cups in your hands.

"I made jasmine one. There weren't anything else, actually. Every Kurihara drinks jasmine tea?"

"My mum prefers chocolate one" I said, taking green cup with a picture of a dog.

You sighed and layed on the armchair, leaning your legs on the armrest.

"He'll understand" you said. "Meiko had to think about it for a while."

"I'd rather not argue with my brother about me being a weirdo" I muttered.

"Sachi!" you scolded. "Stop it. You're almost thirty, but your self-esteem is on a floor level. Drink your tea insteat of telling nonsense."

"Whatever you wish" I drank some tea.

Its warmth flowed through me, but I still felt like I'm frozen.

I didn't notice when you left. I realised it, when you came back.

With Hotaka.

"Here" my brother gave me a beer can. "We drink. Like guys. Yeah?"

I looked at you confused. You leaned on a doorway, smiling with satisfaction.

"Don't stare at your prince charming. Look at me or I'll change my mind!" screamed Hotaka.

"Alright, alright" I said, punching his arm lightly.

You laughed. How can you be warmer than fire, Hiroki?

The End

Water

Band: Moran

Pairing: Soan&Hitomi

Rating: 17+

Genre: romance, slice of life, soft angst

Series: "Nine Elements"

Warnings: mentioned character death

Note: Soan is overthinking again about Zill's death.

Waves crashed on the shore. The sounds of the sea sounded over the unpleasant thoughts. I thought it was much quieter than them.

On one hand I liked coming here. I could rest from the busy city and bland reality. On the other...

This was the place where those thoughts came in waves. They took over the good and pleasant feelings. Flooded my mind with memories, nostalgy and melancholy.

"Don't sail away" I heard suddenly, feeling someone's hand on my shoulder.

Hitomi didn't let me finish my thoughts. Like he was my personal sea, taking away all the evil in my life and sending it far away beyond the horizon.

The smell of hot chocolate in the thermos mixed with the sea breeze. I closed my eyes, wanting to keep this moment forever. Our joined fingers made me sure it's possible.

The End

Advertisement 3

Band: Kalafina, Nightmare, Ganglion, Band-Maid, CLOWD, Broken by the Scream

Pairing: Ni~ya&Hikaru, Wakana&Keiko, Sagara&Oni, Vivi&Ebi, Saiki&Akane, Misa&Kanami, Ryohei&Miku, Io&Yae, Kagura&Ayame, Miyavi&Melody

Rating: 17+

Genre: parody, comedy

Warnings: -

Note: How does adawinry see each pairing? Take the trip to the bathroom as an example. Again.

"Save water, bathe with your girlfriend!"

* * *

Hikaru: You wanna take a bath with me, because the TV said so?

Ni~ya: Yes, that's what I've meant.

Hikaru: But you'll talk me during the supper instead of staring into your food.

Ni~ya: . . .

* * *

Keiko: *hisses* *growls* *scratches*

Wakana: I guess it means no.

* * *

Oni: Sagara, you're so handsome~

Sagara: And you're drunk. No.

* * *

Ebi: *chuckles*

Vivi: *also chuckles*

Ebi and Vivi: *they both chuckle and forget what they were supposed to do*

* * *

Saiki: Akane?

Akane: *blushing* Okay...

* * *

Kanami: *grabs Misa by the hand and jumps to the bathroom*

Misa: Eh, okay. *follows her*

* * *

Io: YAE!

Yae: Why are you screaming?

Io: BATHTUB! NOW!

Yae: ...I'm a little scared.

* * *

Kagura: *growls*

Ayame: Okay, no means no...

* * *

Ryohei: Miku, honey~

Miku: I'm coming, sweetheart~

* * *

Miyavi: Melody, let's make a third baby!

Melody: In a bathtub?

Miyavi: Yes!

* * *

The end

Advertisement 2

Band: THE KIDDIE, heidi., UNiTE., Kameleo, Gotcharocka, Moran, Matenrou Opera, Dio - Distraught Overlord, CLØWD, Purple Stone, Yusai, Lost Ash, Shounenki, Crimson Shiva, LACK-CO., Garak's

Pairing: Sorao&Jun, Yoshihiko&Kiri, Kohsuke&Nao, Lin&Sana, Haku&Mio, Hikaru&Yui, Daisuke&Kouichi, Takeshi&Takashi, Jui&Jun, Tero&Toya, Soan&Hitomi, Ivy&Vivi, Sizna&Sono, Iori&Kou, Keiya&Fuma, Gaku&Orochi, Saku&Yoshi, Mikaru&Syu, Kei&Erina, Dye&Sai, Rei&Kou, Nao&Eiki, Tokiya&Natsuki, Higiri&Milk, Narumi&Juri, Nagi&Rumina

Rating: 17+

Genre: comedy, parody

Warnings: -

Note: How does adawinry see each pairing? Take the trip to the bathroom as an example. Again.

 "Save water, bathe with your girlfriend!"

* * *

Jun: Shinobu, Shinobu, Shinobu!

Sorao: I'm coming! Man, you're so impatient...

Jun: If you weren't so slow, I wouldn't have to be impatient!

* * *

Yoshihiko: Kiri-chan~

Kiri: *throws drumstick at Yoshihiko*

Yoshihiko: *dodges* You could just say "no".

Kiri: It didn't work yesterday.

* * *

Kohsuke: Naohisa, I have a question.

Nao: No.

Kohsuke: *takes a bug out of his pocket* I'll throw this under your shirt.

Nao: ...I'm going to buy the bubble bath.

* * *

Lin: Sana, Sana~

Sana: *laughs hysterically* No.

* * *

Haku: *stands in front of the shelf with bubble baths* Should I take the flower scented one, forest scented one or the sea scented one? Or maybe orange or strawberry? We didn't use the cherry one in a while, but the lavender scented one sounds nice and we didn't try it yet. But Ryosuke complains about his lower back pain, so maybe the aloe one? Or maybe something sweet? Cocoa, cola or bubble gum? Cinnamon is more fit for the winter...

Mio: *got so lost in his thoughts that he can't hear whatever Haku is talking about*

* * * 

Hikaru: I want to ask you, if...

Yui: No.

Hikaru: I know you'd say that, so...

Yui: *smacks his head*

Hikaru: Hey, I didn't ask in the end!

Yui: But you wanted to.

Hikaru: . . .

* * *

Daisuke: Can we take a bath together?

Kouichi: Okay, but don't make bubbles.

Daisuke: . . .

Daisuke: . . .

Daisuke: . . .

Daisuke: Oh. Okay.

* * *

Takeshi: *sits in the bathtub with a fried chicken*

Takashi: *shrugs* *gets into the bathtub and eats some chicken with Takeshi*

* * *

Jui: *pulls Jun to the bathroom*

Jun: Junichi! Last time I tripped and fell and you fainted and it wasn't yay. Do you really think it's a good idea?

Jui: I'll make tomato miso, if you agree.

Jun: ...you won.

* * *

Toya: *hugs the bathtub*

Tero: I get the idea, but all you needed to do is ask.

* * *

Soan: *hugs Hitomi from behind* Are we going to take a bath together, Hito-chan?

Hitomi: Sure, but maybe leave the undressing for when we get to the bathroom.

Soan: *undoing the last button from Hitomi's shirt* Don't question me, Hito-chan.

* * *

Vivi: Toshi, put down the pasta. We're going to take a bath.

Ivy: Can I bring my pug-shaped sponge?

* * *

Sono: CAN YOU GET THIS SQUIRMING CAT OUT OF THE WATER?!

Dura: Meow!

Sizna: No?

* * *

Iori: Kou?

Kou: *looks at Iori*

Iori: *already undressed*

Kou: I like that idea~

* * *

Keiya: Fuma, listen...

Fuma: *takes a picture of Dora* Will you let me be seme?

Keiya: What. No.

* * *

Gaku: And then we'll wear those fluffy bedrobes from Keiya and Fuma and... Are you listening to me?

Orochi: *fell asleep*

Gaku: . . .

* * *

Yoshi: *does a frontflip on his way to the bathroom*

Saku: I'll pretend I understand...

* * *

Mikaru: SYU, ARE YOU FUCKIN' READY?

Syu: I'M READY FOR FUCKIN'~

* * *

Erina: *clings onto Kei* Kei-chan~

Kei: *eats gummies* No.

Erina: But.. But Kei-chan!

Kei: *puts gummy into Erina's mouth* No.

Erina: . . .

* * *

Sai: *pretends to be a princess*

Dye: You want to encourage or discourage me?

* * *

Kou: I wanna be a flower~

Rei: What does it have to do with it?

Kou: Lily?

Rei: Aah... Okay.

* * *

Eiki: *trips on the tiles*

Nao: *sighs* Normal.

* * *

Tokiya: Do you have to drink coffee even in a bathtub?

Natsuki: *takes a picture of coffee*

Tokiya: I have no questions about that...

* * *

Higiri: Why is the water white?

Milk: I poured some milk in it.

Higiri: What.

* * *

Narumi: I poured the raspberry bubble bath, lit up the candles, turned on romantic music and you...

Juri: *higging plush Minion* I really cannot bring him with me?

Narumi: *heavy sigh* Why do I even try so hard?

* * *

Rumina: *he didn't even see the commercial, because...*

Nagi: *...watches vistlip's live DVD for the hundreth time*

* * *

The end

The Historian's Son

Rating: 17+

Genre: heavy angst, slice of life

Warnings: terminal illness, death

Note: For my favourite lecturer from the university.

He was an only child. Like all only children, a bit spoiled. But still well mannered. Or so he thought. After all, he was a good student. He had only As and Bs. Except for just one subject.

Ironically, history.

Why is it ironic, you will ask. Well, because he was the historian's son.

"Why do I need this?" he has been always asking his Father.

The Father has been sighing and trying to explain this, but the Son could not understand after all.

He won't like history. No, period.

Boring, stupid, useless.

He already preferred to solve equations on math or read another lecture on literature lessons.

He knew that his Dad was disappointed because of it. That his own Son did not share his passion. Because he had to admit one thing to Dad - history was his Dad's life passion. He could talk about it for hours. First he worked at school, then at the university. His students loved him for his ability to put himself in their shoes and act like a human being rather than a deity.

Dad traveled a lot, mostly to the United States. He loved this country, he fell in love with its culture and economy. He was very knowledgeable about every topic related to this country.

But the Son still hated history. He didn't need it to live. At most for computer games. But besides that, his life was happy without it.

One day, however, this bubble burst. The doctor told them about diagnosis, a crushing diagnosis.

Mum was crying. For a long time. In a pillow. She thought no one saw her tears, but her Son saw them. He even heard them.

Dad didn't cry. He was sitting in the kitchen reading a book about the USA and drinking lemon tea. As if nothing happened.

The Son was angry with his Dad. He sat down across from him, a bit offended.

"Why don't you hug her at least?" he asked firmly, trying to force his voice to not tremble.

He tried to be a strong man, after all, he was eleven years old.

"She asked me to give her a moment to settle down" replied the Father, taking a sip of his tea.

He looked at his Son and ruffled his hair.

It was too much for eleven years old boy. After a moment his cheeks were wet.

"I don't want you to die" he whispered, clutching his fingers into his Dad's plaid shirt. "I don't want it!"

Dad didn't say anything. He just patted his head.

He was silent.

Actually, he was silent for several years. He was silent about his illness all this time.

He told some students. Others didn't know. Others knew only a little of the truth.

That he is sickly, that his immunity is weak, that he has had five operations.

The Son remembered each of them well. He was always afraid that his Dad wouldn't come back.

But he was coming back. Always.

He came back on Friday too. He ate lunch, told them that the students were trying to avoid passing the exam again. That he would let them cheat anyway until the first person returned the test, so they don't have to panic. That he made an appointment with a student for Monday's duty, because she had one extra absence. And that his colleague from work greeted him five times and that his friend offered fudge to everyone. He got one too. He claimed that the fudge was good, although it stuck his teeth together for a good minute.

Then came Saturday. Dad was strangely moody and a bit broody. But they watched a controversial documentary together and played a game that was supposed to be historical. Apparently, because Dad had a lot of reservations about the correctness of the events presented.

This time it was the Son, who was silent. He didn't want to upset Dad by interrupting him, because he honestly didn't care what really happened. Besides, actually, Dad had a special gift for storytelling. You could listen to him for hours. Even as if he was analyzing a telephone directory or some quantum physics question.

During the night, Mum called an ambulance. Dad felt bad. Bad enough to complain about it.

The Son laid down on the bed next to him and looked up at the ceiling, searching for the right song in the playlist.

"What are you doing?" asked the Father.

His voice was weak.

"Music is said to ease the pain" replied Son, taking one earphone from his ear and handing it to Dad. "Take this. Maybe it will help you."

Dad smiled gently and ruffled his hair as always. He put an earphone in his ear.

They were laying like this and waiting for ambulance, listening to the music. Son almost fell asleep, but then a music stopped suddenly, which woke him up.

"What happened?" he was confused.

He looked at phone's screen. It was black.

"Crap, it discharged. I forgot to charge it."

Son looked at his Dad. A slight smile wafted across his face. His eyes were still closed.

But something was wrong. Son felt a strange coldness. But not as a temperature, but an atmosphere.

When paramedics entered his parents' bedroom, they didn't have to tell anything. At least they didn't have to tell him. He had already known that his Dad fell asleep forever.

Maybe even in the moment, when his battery's energy discharged.

Mum has been crying again. This time even longer.

A newspaper that Dad got from a friend from USA, was left opened on the kitchen table. In the sink there was still the mug that his Son had given him for his birthday. Plaid shirts and his favorite black jacket still wore his scent.

But he wasn't here anymore. He was somewhere else, somewhere beyond, unavailable, unattainable.

He vanished, as if he disappeared in the air.

Meanwhile one question appeared in the Son's mind for the first time, when he sat at the table and brushed an american newspaper with his fingers.

Maybe... It's time to start liking history?

The end

Memories as white as snow

Band: Acme

Pairing: Rikito&Haru

Rating: 17+

Genre: slice of life

Warnings: hospital, illness

Note: Sickfic about Rikito's illness.

Based on true story.

Pain.

I remember only that.

This pain.

And after that, nothing.

As if they turned my power off, took out my batteries and threw me off the balcony on the sixth floor.

Later I remember the hospital. Doctors, parents and my siblings. And a full dose of medicine. In a drip. It would be too dangerous in pills.

I was dumbfounded by them. I didn't fully understand what was happening to me and where I was.

I opened my eyes and saw a white ceiling.

I closed them and it was dark again.

I wanted to be with you. On the stage.

But I couldn't.

I just wanted to be with you just like that.

But I couldn't do that either.

I wanted to be with you. Talk. Hug. Anything.

But I couldn't do that either.

Perhaps you visited me. Maybe you said something. Or maybe you were just bringing flowers.

Or maybe you stayed longer and whispered in my ear that we would be playing together again soon.

But I don't know that. I don't know, because I don't remember anything. Too strong drugs. As if I was in a trance. As if I was alive and dead at the same time.

Maybe you were holding my hand, maybe you even kissed my hand or my cheek. Maybe you were humming something as you put fresh flowers in a vase, taking out the old ones first.

Maybe I even told you something. Maybe I told you something I shouldn't have and made you upset about it. Or maybe just the opposite, maybe I made you happy with some trifle?

I don't know. I don't remember. Memories are like blank white cards. White like that hospital ceiling and snow falling outside the window.

Snow? Yes. Snow.

I remember now. It was snowing.

I was looking out at the world behind the window, standing by the windowsill, waiting for something. Or someone. Probably for you.

I don't know, if you came, because I fainted. That's all I know. That's what I remember from doctors' conversations. They muttered among themselves that I would stay here for a long time and wondered, if I needed a transplant.

I didn't know, what was going on around me at all. As if I was losing my mind.

I wanted to stop seeing that goddamn white ceiling and breathe in that hospital air that had been filling my lungs for weeks.

Or maybe months?

I don't know. I even didn't know, what year it is. Was it January 1st already? Have you at least texted me?

You probably didn't come. You must have spent this New Year on stage.

Somewhere in my head there is a memory in the fog. The memory of the mirror I looked into. I think it was in the bathroom. I stood leaning against the white sink and stared at my pale face and the roots on my hair.

Then I was on the floor again. Cold. White. In hospital.

But the doctors said it was better now. I was in such good condition that they could reduce my dose of medication.

Awesome.

But I woke up again to see a white ceiling. I was still here. Still in the hospital. Still alone.

"Oh, you're awake" I heard suddenly and turned in the direction of this voice.

You were sitting on the chair. Your long hair fell over your shoulders, the green ends contrasted perfectly with the blackness of your clothes and the whiteness around.

"It's good, because I brought you something" you said, giving me some book. "When you'll feel better, you can read it."

You smiled and patted my head.

"I have to go" you said, standing up. "We'll talk, when you won't mumble under your breath about pink unicorns in maid's outfits. These drugs are strong... Well, see you later."

It's been the first memory, which wasn't blurry. Black and green among whiteness everywhere.

You started walking towards the door, but I grabbed your hand and stopped you.

Your hand was warm.

"What?" you looked at me, confused. "What happened?"

"Stay" I said as loud, as I could in my condition back then.

"I can't" you smiled apologizely. "You have to forgive me, but I can't."

I pulled you to me and you fell on the bed.

"I seriously can't" you repeated. "Can you let me go?"

I didn't want to let you go. I wanted to make you stay or take me with you.

Because I wanted to hug you all the time, not only now.

"What are you doing?" you asked. "I have to go, seriously."

I let you go. You smiled once again and left my room.

This memory is colorful. Clear. And vivid.

Memory lapses were over. The waiting has begun.

Now I knew calendar date. I already knew, how many days have passed since your last visit.

Memories slowly regained colour. Not only with you, although these had the most vivid colours.

And one day, after you have just left, I jumped out of bed, grabbed the drip stand and followed you out into the hall as much as possible.

"Haru!" I called you.

You turned back, surprised.

Maybe you wanted to ask, what happened. Or maybe you wanted to scold me for running. Or maybe for leaving my bed.

But you didn't have time to say anything, because your just slightly repealed lips have been closed by mine.

Maybe it wasn't the smartest thing, but I didn't care back then.

And you didn't care as well, because you kissed me back.

The ceiling was still white. Hospital pajamas too.

But behind a window I saw first flowers and green trees.

Spring finally came.

The end

Thunderstorm

Band: D=OUT&DIV

Pairing: Satoshi&Shougo, mentioned Naoto&Shougo

Rating: 17+

Genre: comedy, melodrama

Warnings: brief violence

Note: Naoto meets Shougo during an interview and his mind flips, because he's still not over him.

Good thing that he has some control over his emotions, not like some other people.

When Reika was arranging an interview with Kouki and me at NicoNico, I didn't protest. Another meeting where you will have to talk about new releases for a bit. Nothing special.

Worse, it turned out that not only our band was invited.

DIV was invited too.

And of course Shougo and Satoshi had to volunteer.

I have nothing against spending time with bandmates. Or spending time with Shougo. But Satoshi on the other hand...

I think he's seriously suspicious. As if he would leave the band as soon as he dislikes something.

Worse, Shougo is completely crazy about him and sees no signs that there is something wrong with the drummer.

"Hi~!" Kouki greeted them and hugged them both.

Satoshi looked like he had a stroke, Shougo just laughed and hugged Kouki back.

"Hi, Naoto" he said, smiling fondly, when Kouki let him go.

"Hello, Shougo" I replied.

Satoshi didn't say anything. Nor to me and Kouki. 

All I could see was that all he was focused on was not to grab Shougo's hand or hug him.

You can always explain it with a fanservice, man, if you happen to be caught by a photographer.

Really.

I know what I'm saying.

I sat down next to Kouki who took his seat next to Satoshi. Shougo sat next to him and the broadcast could finally begin.

I've been trying to think about my girlfriend and our date tonight. I forced myself to focus on interviewer's questions and on Chou's short, green dress, which she bought recently. She probably would wear these thigh highs with it as usual.

But I've known already that I lost again. That again, after meeting with Shougo, after seeing his smile and probably after going for a beer with him later, when I get home, I'm gonna break another innocent, female heart.

I can't get over him. Even after all these years.

"So, you're in D=OUT now, Naoto?" Shougo asked me after the interview.

We were still sitting on our chairs. It was good, because if we weren't, my mind would become more chaotic than ever.

"Yes. I'm trying to be the good replacement for Minase" I smiled friendly.

"You shouldn't be a replacement, Naoto" Shougo got up and pushed his chair up to the table top. "You should be yourself. It's the best for you."

He shouldn't have said it. Not because I felt nice and the same time painful sting in my heart, but because I didn't know that Satoshi could frown as much.

"You know, Shogo, I don't want to be mean, but just being himself might not be enough for him sometimes, right?" he looked at me with disdain, this time grabbing Shougo's hand and squeezing it a little too tightly, because my childhood friend yanked it out with indignation on his face.

Eventually he was mad because of this unreasonable jealousy.

"Be careful because you can ruin everything by just being yourself" I said before I could think what I was saying.

Kouki looked at Satoshi then at me.

"You don't know Shogo like I do. Nobody knows him that well" Satoshi pushed Kouki away, who swayed slightly and blinked in confusion.

"You think you know Shougo better than I do?" I asked, frowning. "Do you know, how old we had been, when we met for the first time?"

"I don't care" he muttered, clenching his palms into fists.

Is he gonna hit me?

"STOP!" shouted Kouki, pushing us from each other. "I don't know, what's going on, but stop already. Or Reika won't let you go home for a week, Naoto."

"Chobi won't let you as well" said Shougo quietly. "Satoshi, stop."

That moron just looked at him and sighed.

"Ugh, okay" he snorted, turning around and leaving the room.

"Satoshi, wait!" called him Shougo, following him.

Kouki was still keeping a hand on my shoulder.

"What the hell is going on?" he asked.

"Shougo is my ex. And it seems that someone knows about it and has a problem with it" I explained.

"Geez" Kouki shook his head with disapproval. "But I have to admit that I'm amazed."

"By what?" I was confused.

"For the first time I saw him showing any emotions" explained Kouki, making me laugh.

After we said goodbye to the journalist, I thought that nothing would surprise me anymore. Kouki went to do something else and I headed for the exit.

Yet something surprised me. Satoshi was standing by the wall and he seemed to be waiting for us.

"Shogo went out to smoke. I don't feel like inhaling this poison" he said, even if I didn't ask him.

Just like I didn't make him grab my shirt and hit me against the wall.

...my back.

Wait, what?!

"What the hell are you doing?" I looked at Satoshi, confused.

"Don't call, don't send messages, don't talk with him. Just pretend that you don't exist" he growled.

"What?"

"You heard me. Stay away from Shogo. He's mine now and he'll never be yours again" he drawled through his teeth. "Do you understand?"

"Dude, I have a girlfriend. Calm down."

I didn't lie to him. I really still had a girlfriend.

"You don't love her" he said.

Who is he, the soothsayer? The clairvoyant?

"You'll break up with her soon."

"Where did this idea come from?" I was surprised.

"I heard about you changing girls like shoes. Why, are you bored, because they're not like my lover?" the tone of his voice was really disturbing.

"You're silly " I said.

"Naoto?" Kouki approached us.

Satoshi let me go and walked away.

I smoothered my shirt. What the hell happened here?

"Can't you be left for five minutes?" sighed Kouki. "What did he want again?"

"Make rules about talking to Shougo" I replied.

"What rules?"

"There's one: don't do this" I shrugged.

"But you made him realize you're taken?"

"Yes."

Kouki hit his face with his hand.

"We should go already, before he throws you into the sewer or something" he grabbed my arm and started to walk into his car's direction.

What a stupid moron...

But he was right about one thing. I don't love my girlfriend.

I love Shogo. For all this time, constantly, since ten years...

The end

Illusion

Band: Alice Nine&Kagrra,

Pairing: mentioned Tora&Akiya

Rating: 17+

Genre: romance

Warnings: references to addiction, references to depression

Note: A dialogue between Akiya and his sister-in-law, explaining, what really happened in the past.

* * *

Sayuri is my headcanon name for Aoi's sister. I also have headcanon that she's Akiya's sister-in-law. She was mentioned before in my other fics, especially in my "Vanilla&Raspberry" series.

"...and she got medicine. It's working" said my sister-in-law, pulling a box from her bag. "I have it just in case she'll forget."

I took the package from her and looked at it. I knew these pills. And they actually worked well.

Too well.

"You know the dose, right?" I asked.

"Yes. Three pills daily" replied Sayuri. "My brother used to take it. After our dad's death."

"One. Maybe two. After three some strange things start to happen" I gave her back the package. "I think that you don't want to know, what things."

"Oh" Sayuri hid the pills in her bag. "Is it so bad?"

"Yes. Especially when you take it longer" I confirmed. "You can... Hmm... Have something  like a group hallucination. You can see the things that don't exist. Hear voices, even feel someone's touch... You know, like schizophrenics."

"And this hallucinations last long?" asked Sayuri.

"Until you're taking the pills" I replied. "And when you stop... Well. You suddenly realize that all this time it was only illusion and..."

"And?" Sayuri seemed worried.

"You regret it" I laughed fakely. "You really regret that it was only an illusion. That it wasn't real. But you're happy, anyway."

"Happy? Why?" my sister-in-law was confused.

"Because you realize that these situations would be the same, if they were real. Because you know these people" I shrugged. "And it's a good feeling. That you know someone so well."

"Have you been taking these pills for a long time?" she asked finally.

"About a year and a half" I replied, standing up, because I wanted to make some tea. "Keiyu became addicted to it."

"Oh" Sayuri was really worried now. "Addicted?"

"Yes" I confirmed. "You know, everything that gives you happiness in rainy days, can become addiction. No matter, if it's alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, pills or trope in story, which makes you happy. Everything is for people, but if you lose yourself in it, what is it for?"

"Right" Sayuri nodded.

I went to get the tea and came back after a moment.

"Your tea" I gave her a cup.

"Thank you" she smiled a little. "In addition to that year and a half, have you ever taken them again?"

"In December, I took a few at once. It wasn't smart" I laughed. "Don't do it at home."

"It was so bad?" she asked.

I shook my head.

"It was too good" I corrected. "But it was that moment, in which I needed to relax. To realize that Masashi won't leave me. Even if a only a ghost of my best friend, who I only imagined, told me this..."

The end

Too much light causes blindness

Band: D=OUT&Acme (ex. xTRiPx)

Pairing: Naoto&Shougo, mentioned Satoshi&Shougo

Rating: 17+

Genre: soft angst

Warnings: -

Note: Shougo explains, why he broke up with Naoto.

Prequel to "Old new love".

I asked someone about something stupid.

"Yoshito, do you sometimes have a feeling that your relationship is too ideal?"

And this person answered me in ecually stupid way.

"Ya usually don't talk about these things, Shougo. Ya must have some serious reason, hm?" he looked at me from behind his sunglasses, sat on the sofa and opened a beer can. "What are ya expectin' from me?"

"I don't know..." I replied quietly.

"Ya know, ideal relationships don't exist" he mumbled. "In our times even relationships don't exist. Luv is somethin' that our parents knew, but when I look at all these divorced aunties, I'm not so sure. And we? D'ya really think that we can fall in luv?"

"I love Naoto" I said firmly.

Or at least I wish I said it firmly.

"Ya voice is tremblin'" Yoshito sat down straddling and leaned back comfortably. "Listen, dude. Ya luv my bro. Okay. But d'ya think that for what he needs this studio apartament, which he rents to students?"

"Studio apartament?" I repeated.

"Yup, this studio apartament, where he lived until two of ya started datin" Yoshito drank half the can in one gulp and wiped his mouth with his hand. "He didn't tell ya that he still has it?"

"No..." I was so confused for the first time in my life.

Later, when I was with Satoshi, I was confused all the time.

"So he has luvers" Yoshito shrugged. "I have too. And K has. Evryone has. It's normal. We're rockers. We sleep around with fans mostly. With women and men. And sometimes with someone where I don't know what the hell they are."

"But... But this is Naoto. He wouldn't..."

"Cheat on ya? Oh, Shougo, don't be naive" Yoshito sipped the last drops of beer and pulled out cigarettes from his pocket. "Ya actin' as a fangirl that found out that her idol isn't a virgin."

"But it's Naoto!"

"And what?" Yoshito put one cigarette in his mouth. "My bro isn't some little god. Besides, ya talkin' with me, right? So I think that ya suspect somethin'."

"Yes, but..."

"Ya didn't ask me about it only for hearin' that ya Naoto is a saint and his penis bugs only ya bum, right?" Yoshito lit a cigarette and inhaled the smoke.

I wanted to point out to him that he should go outside with the cigarette, because even though I smoke too, I don't want to smell his stinky cigarettes in this room.

I wanted it, because Yoshito smokes indecently strong cigarettes and even this smoke irritated my sinuses and throat.

But I couldn't. I just stared at him as if he told me the Earth was triangular. And worse, my blind mind, panicked and, as Yoshito himself stated, naively believed everything.

"Oi, dude, are ya ok?" Yoshito waved his hand in front of my eyes, then took another puff and exhaled a cloud of gray smoke from his mouth. "Ya look like I made ya realize where brats come from."

Maybe I should talk to Naoto then. But all I could say about it was asking him, if he really hadn't sold his studio apartament.

And of course I got a positive answer. He saw no problem with it and I uttered words that I have regretted until today. That should never fall out of my mouth.

"It's okay. You won't be homeless then."

I remember a sadness in his eyes, when he finally understood, what I am talking about. But it's Naoto, so he only smiled and didn't ask, why. He just nodded and asked if I could help him with moving.

The interpretation of this was obvious to me at the time. He realized that I knew about his cheating. But now I'm aware of the fact that I was blind. The fact that our relationship was so great that we practically didn't argue at all, that it was downright boring and too good wasn't the result of pretending to be the most tender partner in the world. Naoto didn't want to hide a fact that he cheated on me. It was just love.

And I, like a real idiot, destroyed it.

The end

Weakness

Band: Alice Nine&Kagrra,

Pairing: Tora&Akiya

Rating: 17+

Genre: soft angst, hurt/comfort

Warnings: heart attack

Note: Written after Tora's heart attack.

He doesn't remember a lot from the previous day. Just some flashbacks.

Calling, information and a sudden change of his position. More precisely, he changed his position from vertical to horizontal. He woke up after a while, feeling someone patting him on the cheek. He didn't even know Shin knew so well about first aid and sedatives.

He spent all day with a cup of lemon balm tea in his hands. He knows it, because he still can feel a taste of lemon balm in his mouth. He still has it in his thermos. Now he's sitting in the waiting room, thinking about this horribble situation. How did the trivial pains in the sternum end up with open-heart surgery?

He's looking at the ceiling. Nao is making the most phonecalls to him today. Their Nao, Naoki Yamada, not Naoyuki Murai.

Nao knows. He knows well. Too well.

Even if he repeats to himself that everything is gonna be okay, he doesn't believe it. He doesn't believe in it, because it happened in the past. He remembers this moment, when he found Isshi and he remembers his cold skin. He remembers everything. Even a taste of his tears that day. Even the fact that then they all fell into a collective hallucination caused by a side effect of pills and the strong belief that the Shinohara wouldn't have left them like that.

He closes his eyes. Tora is gonna be okay. It's just a routine operation and he already woke up from anesthesia. But they still don't let him see his beloved. After all, he is just a friend. An ordinary friend, not a family.

He won't see Tora first anyway. Shou announced that he would do it. He promised to tell them everything. That he would calm them down.

It's hard to believe him, because his hands are trembling so much. But maybe he's right. Maybe they will stop trembling, when Tora will talk with him.

Izumi and Shin are sitting next to him. Izumi on his right and Shin on his left. They talk less than Naoki on the phone anyway, but they are here. They wouldn't leave their friend in this situation.

Hiroto is walking through the corridor, trampling a tiled path. You can hear his nervous footsteps. Even Saga doesn't want to joke this time. Nobody wants to joke. Nao even doesn't smile. He's just sitting here, lost in thoughts, not caring about Hiroto, who talks to him everytime, when he passes by.

They're waiting. Seven of them and Naoki on the other side of the phone. They're getting a lof of warming words through direct messages, short messages and phone calls. The first was Aoi. No, not Aoi from the Gazette. This Aoi from Ayabie, who took Naoki's phone from him and said that if Tora led Akiya to a state like Isshi Nao, he would remember him badly.

In fact, Kazuhiro never heard that Aoi was ever so upset about anything, except when things were really bad in his life.

Shou enters Tora's room first, as he told them. He came back after a short moment. He knows that he has time, but Akiya needs to talk with Tora more than him. But Kagrra,'s ex-guitarist doesn't want to talk. He only hugs his beloved one and closes his eyes. He waits as Tora hugs him too and sighs, mumbling that he doesn't want to see him in this state again. That he doesn't want to be so scared again. He doesn't know if Tora understands him. Because of the tightened throat, he speaks with such difficulty that he can hardly hear himself.

But when he feels Masashi's hand, stroking his hair, he knows that everything will be alright. He's Tora, isn't he? It's Tora with whom Akiya feels safe. It's Tora in whose arms he regains his calm.

Even if the weak Tora's heart is beating much quieter now, it still has for whom.

The end

I didn't see, though I was looking

Band: Nexx

Pairing: Tsukasa&Chisa

Rating: 17+

Genre: AU, angst

Warnings: major characters death, self-harm, suicide attempt, depression, blood

Note: "If our souls reincarnate, will we meet again?"

I stand in front of you and watch. I see your closed eyes, a faint smile, which froze on your face. I look at your pale skin, in this moment even more white and cold.

Blood isn't flowing. The heart doesn't beat. You're not breathing. You lie on your bed. Dead, but as beautiful as before.

You probably didn't know how to do it, because I can see a scarlet line on your wrist. Did you give up after making it? You realized that it's too much pain? Answer me!

Oh, right, I forgot. You died. And I stand in front of you, I'm looking at you and I can't see. As I didn't see, though I was looking, when you were alive. I didn't see your depression and I didn't see your despair, in which you were diving everyday.

I still hold a phone in my hand. I had to call the ambulance. I had to tell them that I found a suicide victim.

I touch you again. Cold. I can feel only cold. Sheer cold. But maybe I can save you? Maybe you'll open your eyes, even if your lips are blue? Your sweet, soft lips, ideal for kissing. So often stretching to a full smile.

Because you laughed. You had fun, you were sleeping with me and you were meeting with friends. You were watching anime and silly sitcoms, because actresses were beatufil. We were fooling around and... Why?

"Tsukasa?" doors to your hotel room opened suddenly. "Tsukasa, why are you cr..."

I cry? I didn't notice.

Hayato is standing in the silence, frozen in half of the word, looking at you, frightened. Does he also not see, even if he's looking? Did he also not see, though he was looking?

We're both standing, looking and not seeing. And you're laying and shining with whiteness of your skin and redness of your blood, which shines on your wrist.

Empty package of pills stands on cupboard next to the bed. It looks evil, as if it wants to tell us "I killed him!". But it isn't true. You killed yourself, alone in your despair, alone in your loneliness.

Why you didn't tell us anything? Why you didn't want help? Why you didn't show us that you feel bad?

Hayato falls to his knees. And I don't even have the strength to have strength, however strange it sounds. I just stand, stroking your ice-cold cheek, brushing bleached hair off your face and wiping away tears that still haven't dried.

You were crying, because you were dying or you were dying, because you were crying?

Hayato stood up. He's quiet. He didn't realize, what happened, yet.

I realize that if they take you, I will never see you again. I want to close the door and stay with you in this room. I want to hug you, to put my face in your plain shirt and inhale the scent of jasmine tea that you had to drink to swallow these drugs, because I can still smell it in the room. And you smell of it.

Instead, I just kneel by the bed and hug your hand. You have such short fingers for a man. But I always found your hands beautiful.

Wake up. Don't leave us here. Not in such a way. Not forever. Don't leave us. We need you. I need you.

Hayato is looking at me with tears in his eyes.

"Fifteen minutes ago" I say queitly.

He nods and goes out. He tries to calm down. He knows that he has to go and bring medics here. He knows that he has to tell our friends, what happened.

You don't know anything now. You drown in deep, black abyss and you won't swim out. You won't come back, you won't smile. You won't look at me with your beautiful, big eyes, you won't tell me that you love me, you won't hug me, you won't make love with me... You won't do anything.

If our souls reincarnate, will we meet again? I hope. I want to apologize to you for not seeing, though I was looking. I just want to apologize to you...

The end