Mistletoe

Band: Purple Stone, mentioned Yusai/Zin

Pairing: Keiya&Fuma, Orochi&Gaku in the background

Rating: 17+

Genre: romance

Warnings: -

Note: A sweet and cliche Christmas story.

Christmas, Holidays or whatever you want to call it. In Europe or the United States - one of the most important Christian holidays. In Japan - an opportunity for romantic trips in the glow of colorful lights and accompanied by sugar-sweet songs about mistletoe and other sugar canes. Generally love everywhere, Valentine's Day for the more sentimental. And of course, thanks to this, you can experiment in the kitchen with spices typical of that period, and in bed with the costumes of Snowflake and Santa Claus... But you haven't read this last sentence. Especially the kids.

In fact, the Japanese like to organize sweet Christmas parties, to which they invite friends and give each other gifts. And that was the point of the whole problem.

Fuma was standing in front of the shop window, wearing gray, fluffy earmuffs and thick leather gloves. He already bought pralines for Gaku and jelly beans for Orochi, but he didn't know what to buy for Keiya.

">>Something cheap and sweet<<" he was repeating Gaku's words in head.

He invited him and Keiya to his apartament. Everything was his idea.

"Cheap and sweet. What I should do? Give him a kiss or what?"

Fuma laughed a little hysterically at the very thought. Him. Kissing. Keiya. Him kissing Keiya. Probably in dreams. Bassist's dreams, of course.

Fuma wasn't shy or something. He didn't also known Keiya too briefly to even think about falling in love with him. The problem was in a very prosaic fact that didn't matter at all for Fuma's heart.

Well, Keiya, as you could see right away and at first glance, was a man. Fuma was one too. And the bassist had no idea if there was any possibility for Keika to look at him in any way different than as his friend.

And he doesn't want to ask Keiya "Hey, Keiya, listen, there's a case. Are you gay or at least bisexual?". It's too private thing and if the vocalist wanted to, he would have came out a long time ago!

Going for advice to Gaku, who is in a happy relationship, also wasn't a good idea, because this band babble, which by some miracle became their leader, would surely immediately tell the whole music world that Fuma has a crush on Keiya.

"At least it's not Sana" mumbled the bassist, staring at a cat-shaped figurine.

He remembered, how ended musicians, who told Sana about their secrets and he trembled.

Such terrible fate...

Fuma sighed and then he saw a tiny music box that was in his hand. It was sweet and cheap, so Murakami smiled brightly and headed towards the cashier, glad to find something okay.

The bassist came home, took off his shoes and said "hello" to his cat, then went into the kitchen and boiled some water for tea.

Fuma opened the cupboard and took out green tea with orange, cinnamon and cloves, then poured a few teaspoons into the star-shaped infuser, put it in the kettle and when the water boiled and cooled a little, he poured the tea and carried it to the bedroom. He took a mug with a cat in a cap from the kitchen, went into the bedroom, got comfortable on the bed, played a medley of Christmas songs on his mobile, put on his headphones, then picked up the book and began reading. Meanwhile, Dora laid down on his lap and he lost himself in his world, in which he lacked nothing.

Apart from their somewhat crazy vocalist...

* * *

Gaku lived in the center of Osaka, on the third floor of a skyscraper. Fuma had to remember it from time to time, because for a long time the guitarist had an apartment on the fourth floor in the same building and the bassist sometimes forgets about it.

Fuma checked again that he hadn't forgotten any of the "sweet and cheap" gifts for his friends, then walked briskly inside. As he made his way to the elevator, he felt a tap on his shoulder, almost having a heart attack.

He turned to see Keiya smiling radiantly.

"Hi, Fuma" said the vocalist, pushing a button to call an elevator. "How are you?"

"I'm okay" replied Fuma. "And you?"

"Awesome!" yelled Keiya, entering an elevator and pulling Fuma in.

"Can I ask, what happened?" asked Fuma.

"It's nothing" Keiya smiled nervously. "You'll see. I'm talking about one of the gifts."

"Oh, okay" Fuma nodded and left the elevator with Keiya.

Gaku opened the door. He had flower patterned apron. Keika laughed because of this, so the guitarist smacked his face with the cloth.

"I baked cookies. What, the guy can be dirty, huh? Only a woman can keep clothes from getting damaged?" Gaku growled, before smacking Keiya again, this time in the back of the head.

The reason was simple - the singer continued to chuckle.

"Hey, Orochi" Fuma greeted Orochi sitting at the table, mournfully eating his dough in colorful sugar slivers.

Gaku made tea for everyone, put cups before them and sat down in the armchair, announcing that it's the time for unpacking the gifts.

Fuma got a pack of sweets from Orochi and a toy mouse for Dora from Gaku. Keiya grabbed his hand and pulled the bassist to the kitchen, as if his gift was the only one that deserved a better light or a change of surroundings.

"This is for you" Keika gave him a little box.

Fuma sighed. He was expecting everything inside. Even fake bug, Keiya could do something like that.

He was completely confused, when he found a mistletoe inside.

"A mistletoe?" he looked at Keiya, surprised.

"A mistletoe" the vocalist pulled it out from the box and hung on a chandelier. "Oh, Fuma, listen. We stand under the mistletoe..."

"Keiya, this is awfully bla..." Fuma fell silent, when Keiya put a finger on his lips.

"Maybe so, but I have to kiss you" said Keika and kissed surprised Fuma.

Murakami finally shook off the shock and gave back this "sweet and cheap" caress, losing himself completely in the situation that had arisen.

* * *

"I had to run from my own house. It's scandalous..." mumbled Gaku, sitting on the balcony and wearing headphones.

Orochi was leaning over the barrier and laughing for fifteen minutes already.

"Orochi! Stop laughing or you'll be bottom tonight!"

It worked.

The End

I Won't Say

Band: DIV

Pairing: Chobi&Chisa

Rating: 17+

Genre: romance

Warnings: -

Note: Chobi is like Megara from "Hercules".

He won't say that he loves Chisa.

I remember this first impulse which told me that I should ask you if everything is okay. I remember your sad smile, which you sent me and nodded and I said that I believe you. Later you admitted that something was bothering you, but this thing was trivial and we could quickly solve it.

But the impulse came more and more often and I didn't understand what was happening. For almost thirty years, I was sure that I was straight and didn't allow myself to think that this could be something stronger than friendship.

"Chobi, please" Shougo sighed, looking at me as he wanted something.

We shared a room that day. You were in the other room with this i... Ehem, with Satoshi.

"What do you want from me? I have to buy you a fourth dog or something?" I asked, confused.

Shougo groaned miserably and covered his face with a pillow.

"What?"

"I'm talking about Chisa" he said firmly, throwing his pillow at me. "About Chisa, dummy. You follow him like a cat after a mouse, but you don't do anything about it!"

"I don't follow anyone" I said, tossing the pillow to him. "It's just a friendship."

"Friendship..." Shougo snorted and layed down on the bed again. "Friendship can turn into love, you know? And it's stronger than the one made from strangers to lovers."

"Yes, especially you and Naoto's love" I muttered. "And your big break up."

"Chobi, maybe get interested in your own love life, huh?" Shougo looked at me. "What was between me and Naoto is over. Now I'm with Satoshi."

"You're interested in my love life, I'm interested in yours" I shrugged. "Can I ask, why did you break up?"

"I don't want to talk about it" said Shougo.

"But I'm a blabber and I like talking" I replied and Shougo threw a pillow at me again.

"You know that feeling, when you feel like your relationship is too perfect?" asked Shougo.

"I know" I nodded. "And what?"

"Yoshito told me... Eh, it doesn't matter anyway. It's over" said Shougo. "Talk with Chisa, if you love talking so much. Or I'm gonna smash your heads against each other and send you both to hospital."

"But I don't love him."

"But you have a crush on him."

"I'm straight!"

"And I'm the Ukrainian ballerina in sneakers."

"What?"

"Nothing. Go to sleep, if you still don't get it" Shougo covered his head with a quilt and turned his back to me.

I didn't understand him then. And I hadn't understood him for a long time.

I hadn't understood myself. My reactions about your beautiful smile, about your slim hands, about your big, cat eyes with puppy look, which makes them forever sad. And your hair falling over your tiny shoulders, and your low voice and...

Yes. The biggest problem started in the moment, when I started to see your traits of character that charmed me in some strange way. The fact that you were so kind to everyone, that you were hellishly intelligent, though you didn't want to show it, and that it was so easy to embarrass you. This last feature made me want to protect you, I wanted people who cause panic in your beautiful eyes to burn alive. Or at least make them apologize.

Shougo wasn't the only one who tried to tell me that something isn't okay with my behaviour. Hikaru, Lin and Ivy also were calling, sending me direct messages and telling me in my face "Do something with it, Ishizuka Hiroki".

And I, like some kid in denial, were running into a cold shower and stared blankly at the tiles, trying not to imagine that the drops of water were your forever cold hands.

It never worked.

"Kurihara Sachi, what are you doing with me?" I whispered once, hitting the tiles with my forehead a little too hard, because it made my head dizzy.

I just wanted to resist, not to concuss myself, for gods' sake!

And Meiko just laughed, sticking a kitten patch on my forehead, that life of clumsy boy has to be crazy.

And I lived like that, trying to get as close to you as possible, though I just wanted to pull myself away completely, and finally, by a coincidence of many circumstances, I kissed you while you were asleep and you were completely unaware of what I wanted to do.

But you know what? Your real hands are nothing compared to that cold water. Especially since you're a graduate of art studies and can play many instruments.

And a candy you delay tastes much better than one you take without hesitation.

The end

Silver Moonlight, Golden Sunlight

Band: Moran

Pairing: Soan&Hitomi

Rating: 17+

Genre: romance

Warnings: -

Note: Soan has his own way to fight insomnia. Strange way, but it works.

Everyone has problems with sleeping sometimes. Some people try drinking water, others think about something pleasant, others make something trivial to calm their mind...

He also has his own way to fight insomnia. Strange way, but it works. And it's the most important.

He stood up, went to the window, watching his step, because he didn't want to hurt the dog. He opened the blinds, letting the moonlight into the bedroom.

Silvery rays slowly moved across the floor and lazily climbed over the quilt onto the bed and shone over sleeping Hitomi, who didn't care about this fact. As if he gave a silent consent to the symbiosis with the moon.

Soan smiled a little and sat on the windowsill, observing the vocalist. Hitomi was asleep, he was hugging a quilt and didn't know that his face is reflected in Tomofumi's deep eyes as in a fairy-tale mirror.

Soan leaned over the glass and sighed. He didn't know, why looking at Hitomi calmed him everytime. And why he felt so safe. But he knew that he could give anything to be able to look at Hitomi for the rest of his life. However generic and bland it wouldn't sound.

But what he would do if they break up? Would he be able to fall asleep without thinking about Hitomi, who is sleeping and dreaming for both of them? Or without being able to call him even in the middle of the night and ask Hitomi to lull him to sleep with his voice?

"You're acting like uke, Tomofumi" he scolded himself. "You are seme here. Don't panic."

"Panic is your speciality" he heard suddenly, feeling a hand on his shoulder.

He looked at his right side and saw Zill. But he's... What?!

"Saburou" whispered Soan. "What are you..."

"He won't leave you. Believe me" Zill smiled friendly. "He loves you. Nobody loved me like that..."

"Do you have someone specific in mind?" asked Soan, but Zill shook his head.

"Even if, it doesn't matter" he said. "Sleep well, Tomofumi."

Soan wanted to say something more, but Zill disappeared. Just like seven years ago, when Death took him with her.

* * *

"Tomofumi?" heard the drummer, feeling someone's hand on his head. "You fell asleep on the windowsill. Your back will hurt again."

Soan opened his eyes and saw worried Hitomi.

"Hito-chan?" Tomofumi turned around. "I had a strange dream..."

"Strange or scarry?" asked Hitomi, opening the window. "I won't be surprised if you had a bad dream. It's very stuffy here."

"I dreamed about Zill" explained Soan, throwing his legs on the floor and leaning on windowsill. "He said that you won't leave me."

"And he was right, my panicking koi" Hitomi laughed, leaning his head on his hands. "But it's so bland. As if we were in some romantic comedy or song lyrics."

"Maybe" nodded Soan. "But sometimes..."

"I know" Hitomi sighed, ruffling his hair. "I won't vanish like Saburou. Maybe after my eightienth birthday."

Soan laughed and looked at the sky, letting the sunshines light his face.

Even if it was only a dream, Zill was right. He can't be so nervous.

The End

Probably

Band: CLØWD

Pairing: Iori&Kou, mentioned Iori&Ryohei and Ryohei&Kou

Rating: 17+

Genre: romance, h/c

Warnings: mentally instable characters

Note: Getting together with your lover's ex after breaking up with him isn't probably the best coping mechanism, but Iori knew that Kou needs someone to take care of him in such dark moment in his life.

"Ryohei, have you seen my jacket?" asked Iori, walking into the living room.

He thought that the bassist still was in his apartment, but he was wrong. Iori sighed and sat in the armchair.

Ryohei never informed him that he's going somewhere. He also never told him that he loves him. They just started dating at some point and Iori was okay with this, at least for a while. But recently he started wondering, if Ryohei thinks about their relationship seriously. Even when Iori used to ask him, when they're going to tell others about them, he always would reply "Someday" and change the topic.

But Iori was already a little tired of being not able to kiss Ryohei, when they were with their friends and everytime he heard "Someday" or "Not now" or "Not yet". That's why he sometimes, when he was looking at Ryohei's lips, he didn't want to kiss him, but punch him. Maybe they should break up? Well, for a while Iori doubted, if he still had feelings for his partner, so...

Iori looked at the ceiling and then he was pulled out from his thinking about Ryohei's strange behaviour by some melody. Did Ryohei forget about his cellphone?

When Iori found the source of this annoying sound, he looked at the screen and saw "Aunt Momo" on it.

Oh no, it's that aunt, who constantly wants something from Ryohei. She likes to call him especially, when they're sitting on the sofa, probably in the middle of foreplay or watching a movie.

Iori knew that he has to pick up, because this aunt won't leave them alone for the next year, if she doesn't know, where is her favourite nephew!

Iori pushed the green button, but before he managed to say something, he heard a voice on the other side.

"Ryohei, where are you? I've been waiting for you for an hour, dinner is almost cold, champagne lost its bubbles and dough for pizza we wanted to bake in the evening is ready since a while. I'm worried, are you okay? By the way, do you want me to wear..."

Iori decided that he heard enough.

"Shut up, Kou. It's Iori. And I don't want to hear anything about your evening plans from you."

It was so quiet on the other side of phone line that if this silence had weight, you could crush someone's teeth, if you dropped it on them.

"Iori? Why did you pick up Ryohei's phone?" Kou sounded surprised.

"Tell me, what were you talking about first, for fuck's sake" growled Iori.

Okay, maybe he wanted to break up with Ryohei for a while, but... But... Cheating?! How old was he?! Because not almost thirty for sure, like his ID shows!

"I don't understand, what you're talking about, Iori..." said Kou, visibly confused.

"You're talking about dinner, champagne, pizza and something to wear, just like you were Ryohei's partner, not me" explained Iori calmly, even if he wanted to remove both Kou and Ryohei's intestines and make a garland out of them. It would match their heads above the fireplace. He doesn't have a fireplace, but after this double murder he'll buy a house in Alps, change his name to Antonio Spaghetti and start breeding goats.

Kou fell silent again. Iori could hear just his breathing.

"Iori..."

"What?"

"Iori, he said... He said that..."

"He said what?" Iori blinked.

Kou's voice was trembling. Kou's voice doesn't tremble. Never! Besides, when he's on scene, of course.

"Kou?"

"Come to my house, we have to talk" said Kou and hung up, leaving confused Iori with his own thoughts.

Is it possible that Kou... didn't know anything?

* * *

Iori was standing in the doorway of Kou's apartment. Kou was just staring at the floor. Iori has never seen him in such condition. He looked like shit. And probably felt like one too.

"Kou, what happened?" asked Iori, when the vocalist closed the door. "Kou, listen, I wanted to be mad at you and murder you for being Ryohei's lover and him for cheating on me..."

"Iori..."

"Alright, alright, sorry, I won't murder anyone" Iori flinched, when he heard Kou's devastated voice.

For gods' sake, he doesn't understand anything!

"Iori, how long have you been with Ryohei?" asked Kou, sitting on the chair beside the table, on which there were some papers, scattered around.

"For three months" replied Iori.

Kou whined and hid his head in his hands.

"Kou?"

"Iori, Ryohei didn't cheat on you with me" whispered Kou so quiet that the guitarist barely heard him. "He cheated on me with you."

Iori laughed hysterically, making Kou sigh. The guitarist leaned against the wall and looked at the ceiling.

"So that's why he didn't want you to know..." murmured Iori.

"In my case it was me, who didn't want you to know" explained Kou. "I didn't want you to hate me or something. I don't know you well enough to tell you that I'm in a relationship with our friend without a problem..."

"I understand" Iori nodded. "Well, I wanted to break up with him anyway. I had enough of him not treating our relationship seriously."

"Well, it seems he didn't treat any of us seriously" Kou leaned his head on his hand. "Half of the year of a relationship, Iori. Half of the year living in lies and illussion. What's wrong with me that I didn't notice it? What's wrong with me that he treated me like a toy? Am I so ugly, so annoyng, so stupid or what?"

Iori blinked. What the hell Kou is talking about?

"Kou, don't be stupid" the guitarist walked to him and leaned on the table. "You're handsome, kind and smart. Don't say such things only because..."

Door opened suddenly and Ryohei walked in.

"Oh, hey, Iori" he said. "I didn't expect you here."

"I didn't expect that I'm just your lover" growled Iori, crossing his arms on his chest.

Ryohei looked like he saw a ghost. For a moment he was silent, then he laughed nervously.

"You... know?"

"Yeah, we know" confirmed Iori.

Kou didn't say anything.

"Sorry" mumbled Ryohei and scratched his head. "I just couldn't decide. But I didn't promise any of you that it's something serious, right? I didn't tell any of you that I love you. For me these were just open relationships. Even if I knew that you're going to be mad."

"I don't give a shit about it, Ryohei" said Iori. "I just don't care. I wanted to dump you anyway."

"So we agree that we should break up" Ryohei bowed deeply. "And I'm sorry."

"It's okay" Iori nodded. "Just explain everything to Kou. See you tomorrow at rehaersal."

Iori left Kou's apartment. Yeah, he was mad at Ryohei. But he never liked conflicts. And just decided to ignore and forget about the whole situation. The only thing he regretted was that he didn't break up with him earlier. Kou probably wouldn't even know about their romance.

And he wouldn't have to see Kou so devastated and looking like his heart broke into million pieces...

* * *

Iori was sitting with can of beer in his hand in front of TV, watching some series. One character decided to drown himself in the lake, because everything was too fucked up.

"What a looser" he said, sipping his drink, when he heard knocking on the door. "If it's Ryohei, I swear I'll punch him."

He still was mad at Ryohei, but how he couldn't be? Well, in fact, he was more mad because of Kou, not because of himself. How someone can do something like this?!

Iori put his beer on the table and walked to the door. He looked through the peephole and saw Kou.

"Kou?" he said, confused, when he opened the door.

And then he was kissed.

Yes, he was kissed. In the lips. By totally drunk Kou, who clang on him like a towel on a hanger.

Iori froze and closed the door without thinking. He locked the door and kissed Kou back. He knew that the vocalist needed it. And he knew that they're going to regret it. But why not? Why he shouldn't give Kou the impression of normality after what Ryohei has done to him?

But maybe, just maybe he would prefer seeing him sober...

"Kou" Iori grabbed his wrists and pushed against the wall. "You're drunk."

"I am. And what?" Kou laughed hysterically. "When I was kissing Ryohei, I was sober. And how it ended?"

"You can't jump into someone's bed just after finding out that your partner had an affair" said Iori. "At first I wanted to let you to do it, but now I think that you shouldn't. Don't be as stupid as Ryohei."

"You don't understand. You don't love him" Kou slipped from Iori's embrace and sat on the floor. "You don't care. And I wonder, why? Why, Iori? Why, for fuck's sake?!"

Iori was just staring at Kou, who probably had some kind of mental breakdown. Iori sighed, sat down beside his friend and hugged him.

"Stop crying. He's not worth it" said Iori. "Really, he's not. But we can pretend it's because you're drunk, right?"

Iori heard just some mumbling nod. Kou leaned his head on his shoulder and... fell asleep. Iori picked him up and carried him to bed. He took off Kou's shoes and covered him with a quilt. He grabbed a blanket and decided to sleep on sofa.

* * *

Several months have passed, during which it turned out that hiding his sexuality from bandmates by Kou wasn't needed, because Tatsuru and Touma told them they're a couple. Meanwhile Ryohei had a girlfriend after a lot of boyfriends. Iori wondered, if he had two in the same time again.

Meanwhile Iori cared about Kou more and more. And recently started even thinking about their kiss. But Kou lost his trust towards everyone, since that day, when Ryohei broke his heart and he broke Ryohei's tooth.

* * *

Iori was sitting in the armchair, watching his favourite TV series again. This time he made himself tea and a character in this episode was kidnapped. Well, he doesn't have a peaceful life.

Iori flinched, hearing knocking on the door. He put a mug on the table and walked to the door.

"Kou?" he was surprised.

This time Kou was sober. Iori didn't smell any alcohol, when Kou kissed him and embraced his shoulders.

He was sober. And still unhappy. He needed comfort, sex, just being close to someone and wanted Iori to give it to him. He wanted Iori to glue the pieces of his broken heart.

And this time Iori didn't stop himself from leaning over naked Kou in his bed and kissing him once again. And from giving him exactly what he needed.

"Better?" asked Iori, embracing Kou with his arm.

Kou still couldn't calm his breath.

"Kou?"

"Perfect" he said finally. "We have to do it again someday."

"We can do it everyday" said Iori.

"So let's do it everyday" Kou smiled slightly. "You love me, don't you?"

Iori flinched slightly.

"For now I can say that I have crush on you" he replied after a while.

Kou laughed.

">>For now<<. Oh, it sounds so pretty" he smiled slightly. "It gives hope. It allows you to be just a little bit sure about the future. And what do we have from it?"

"Now? Us" replied Iori.

"Yes, now we have us. But are we going to have us tomorrow?" asked Kou. "We can't be sure of tomorrow. Or even an evening. Because even if you planned everything with your partner, you're spending it in the bar and in your friend's home and then you don't remember anything."

"Kou..."

"What? It's true" Kou hugged him tightly. "I'll give you a chance, Iori. But bring my heart together. You don't have to use super glue. You can use just some tape or clay. Anything to make me forget that I can be thrown away like some old cloth."

"Can I do it with love?" asked Iori.

"You said yourself that you just have a crush on me at this moment" reminded him Kou.

"But it can change into love and then I'll repair your heart quickly" Iori kissed his forehead. "Okay?"

"Okay" Kou smiled fondly.

He'll probably forget about these painful memories. He'll probably fall in love with Iori. Someday everything, what happened between them and Ryohei, will probably stop being important. And they'll probably start new life. Together.

The end

Spider's Web

Rating: 17+

Genre: drama

Warnings: self-harming

Note: A short story about depressed musician.

It all started innocently. Probably in the elementary school, where other kids for the first time labeled me as "strange". Friends left me, because nobody wanted to be friend with this outsider, who prefered spending breaks in library, because he could avoid his bullies like this.

I started elementary school as a happy and funny kid, but I ended it as shy and asocial teenager. I tought that when I'll go to another school, everything would change. And it changed. But for worse.

Name-calling, locking in lockers, throwing things on the floor or taking my backpack and making me chase my bullies have become the norm. And I was able to deal with it less and less, I wanted more and more help. Parents didn't notice anything. The teachers didn't react. Well... They don't have to.

In high school nothing has changed. Still in love with the books, I had to throw the needles out of my shirt several times a day, and be careful at every PE so as not to get hit by a ball, at least not in the stomach. I vomited from the impact once and caused myself even more trouble. But at least the PE teacher did intervene. What I also got hit for...

I came back home and looked in the mirror on a cupboard. I took it and started to stare in the tired face of a seventeen years old boy. In middle school, I wanted to disappear, become invisible. Now I wanted to kill myself.

I threw the mirror at the floor. It broke and one piece fell from it. I picked it up with trembling fingers and pushed against my skin. I hesitated for a moment. I realized that I was sitting on the bed. In clothes. Blood is difficult to wipe from materials.

I took off my clothes, sat against the wall and pushed the glass into my wrist.

First cut for elementary school.

Second cut for middle school.

Third cut for high school.

I watched the blood trickle down my arm like tears down a girl's face in a bad romantic comedy. For some strange reason, it seemed beautiful to me.

I smiled. For the first time in a long time.

From that day on, it became a ritual for me. Breakfast, school, lunch, reading, dinner, more cuts, sleep.

My wrists were beautiful. As if they were covered in spider's web. I wanted to decorate the whole body like that, I wanted it to look like this. But I realized that people would notice, that they would ask questions and I don't want them to worry.

One day, however, I was so fed up that I decided to kill myself. I took a lot of pills, but unfortunately my father found me and called an ambulance.

The mental hospital is an interesting place. Sometimes you feel like you're more normal than all of them. Even than the staff. Funny, isn't it? I remember one girl who didn't have anything sharp on hand, so she broke her hand on the edge of the bed. Just like that, she hit it with all her strenght. And then, as if nothing had happened, she went to sleep.

I left the hospital after a month. Or two. I don't remember now. I had a lot of catching up to do in school, but I managed to finish it.

Exactly. I graduated. Due to this beautiful day, I decided to go to the club to have a drink and forget the whole damn world.

And then, sitting at the counter and telling the bartender about my hopeless life, I decided to become a musician. Yay! Maybe if no one can really give me such a feeling, then at least I'll get the platonic love of female fans?

My only friend from school had a band and one of the musicians left. So I joined them. And honestly it was great. Until the disband.

And then another and another, because nowadays it is difficult for a band to live long. You have to get really big fame in a short time, and if you do, you suddenly find out that you don't get along with your friends in terms of music you make. And again disband, disband, disband...

Breakfast, rehearsal, lunch, book, dinner, knife, sleep ... Oh yeah, that's it. It's so nice to be able to put on a happy rock star mask, smile at the cameras and bandmates and then come home or to a hotel room and cry. My world, my knife, my lines on my wrists. The psychiatrist only forbade me to kill myself, but no one said I couldn't make a few cuts a day. I mean, they said... But it doesn't matter, the lines keep popping up. More and more of them, after so many years I stopped counting.

And finally, in one of the bands, I met you. I don't know, why I fell in love with you. What happened that my heart at first stopped and then started beating as if it wanted to pop out from my chest. Well, it is like that sometimes. Stupid, hopeless, bisexual weirdo in love.

I loved you with all of my broken, crushed, scattered, torn apart heart. I loved you with all of my weak soul. I loved your eyes, your smile, your lips, your soft hair, your hands, your strong arms...

But I didn't love myself. And because of that I was sitting again on the floor with a knife in hand, when suddenly you entered my room. For the same reason you mistook the rooms as I forgot to lock the door. We were too drunk. And we both sobered up right away. Me out of fear, because you discovered my secret, and you...

"Are you insane?!" you shouted so loud that probably all visitors in the hotel heard you.

You ran to me, grabbed my bleeding wrists and looked in my eyes.

"Are you crazy? Tell me that you're just crazy."

"I don't know..." I mumbled. "Let me go. It hurts."

"But you wanted it, right?" you clenched fingers on my wrists. "You wanted the pain."

"But I wanted to hurt myself" I replied. "Other people have hurt me enough in the past. Let me go."

And you let me go. You looked at me as if I was the biggest idiot on this planet. You embraced my shoulders and led to the bathroom.

You washed my wrists with hydrogen peroxide from my own first aid kit, which stang as hell, bandaged them and led me to bed. You forced me to sit on it, you put me in pajamas, though you just put the bottom over my panties... And you put me in the bed. You covered me with the quilt, then gave me a kiss on my forehead and told me to wait.

You left my room and I waited like the child waiting for his mother to say goodnight.

You came back, also dressed in pajamas, you covered yourself with the quilt and hugged me tightly.

To be honest, I didn't understand at all, what was happening.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I love you" you said. "And I won't let you hurt yourself, okay?"

I blinked. You were serious. When I realized this, I started crying. And I was crying for a long, long time, maybe even for an hour. And you were stroking my head and repeating that everything will be okay.

And it is now. My wrists are still covered with spider's web, but white. This red spiderweb has never appeared again.

The end

Wing to Heaven

Rating: 17+

Genre: slice of life

Warnings: death, based on real life

Note: Dedicated to every fan, who lost their idols.

Silence. A complete silence when I read that information.

I stared into the letters like a child who's only learning to read in English. The letters one after another formed the word "died", then "suicide".

My mug slipped out of my hand, crashing and staining the floor and my feet with the tea.

"He's dead?" I repeated so quietly I couldn't hear myself.

I could hear more clearly the sound of my breath and the heartbead, who speed up so much like it wanted to break free from my chest.

Suicide? Suicide?! In a such an unhonorable way for gods' sake!

"He's dead" I repeated louder, like I'm trying to explain this to myself, what am I reading. "He's dead."

I heard the sound of the door opening then the footsteps. I still stared into the laptop's screen, when you embraced me and pulled me closer to yourself.

"I saw those news" you said, before I could ask you, if you know. "Go wash your feet and change your socks, I'll clean the floor and pick up the pieces of the mug."

"Sorry for breaking it" I whispered, when you pet my head.

"I got it from my ex, so no problem" you said calmly.

I sighed and closed my laptop. I grabbed clean socks then went to the bathroom, watching out for the pieces of that broken mug.

The day was so happy and light. I felt like I could fly. But he was the one, who was flying. From under the ceiling to the heaven.

The end

The power of smile

Band: The Guzmania&Acme (ex.DIV)

Pairing: Chobi&Chisa

Rating: 17+

Genre: romance

Warnings: -

Note: Chisa is trying to describe, why he's attracted to Chobi.

It's easy for me to say what I feel for you. I can talk about this for hours in my mind. But can I see you?

Maybe it's strange, but first thing which someone can notice about you is strength. A powerful will to live, radiating like a bright light, overflowing onto those around you. You can drown in it, sink like in the water.

Then someone slowly gets to know you and notices more acceptances of your personality and appearance. Your hair is usually messy, even if you try to control it, some strands will have a life of its own. You don"t have much depth in your eyes, but I can see a spark of hope in them, as if they were burning with a thirst for adventure. And I love your smile from all these things. Just angelic smile, not revealing what is really hidden in your little body.

You're short, it's a fact. But who cares about it in our times? If these people exist, they should seriously think about their priorities. And I'm not much taller, after all.

You have full mouth and beautiful hands, even if your fingers aren't slim. But they have something in them making one unable to stop watching them.

You often joke that we are together because our hands are beautiful. And you don't understand, why I think that my aren't. But you don't understand a lot of my opinions about my appearance.

I could have a girlfriend with big tits, slim legs and fluffy hair. I could have a manly, muscular boyfriend. But why? Nobody understands, why I chose you. Sometimes even I don't understand.

And then you pick me up and carry me. Just because. Because you are strong after all and you could punch someone harder than many muscular drummers. Satoshi can confirm. This bruise under his eye, which you made because of Shougo, is an evidence. Even Naoto praised you back then.

But I don't see a difference between you punching Satoshi and you picking me up from the floor, when I faint or when I have so strong asthma attack that I can't find my inhaler.

And you know what? When I tell you that you're handsome, don't reply that I am the one who is supposed to be pretty in our relationship. It offends my taste, Hiroki. Okay?

And nothing is more exciting than your rough warm hands sliding over my cool body. Sometimes it's good to have sensitive skin.

The end

Calm

Band: Moran

Pairing: Soan&Hitomi

Rating: 17+

Genre: romance

Warnings: -

Note: Hitomi feels calm, when he's with Soan. And he's glad for having him in his life.

Fans think that our life is carefree. After all, we do what we love, we've always dreamed about it, we don't sit all day in the office and we are our own bosses, right?

Unfortunatelly, it isn't like that. Of course, we love music, we love making it and sharing it with fans, but... We often sit at the table, on the bed, lie on the floor or even hang upside down with our legs thrown over the back of the chair because we can't find any inspiration and the company wants us to do this album for yesterday. In addition, the above-mentioned fans expect from us three photo sessions at once and probably two dozen selfies posted on Twitter.

How to take a breath in this chaos? How to find some time for hobbies besides music? Sometimes I scroll the Internet and I see stories, when we only sing, play instruments, go for rehearsals and even live in the same house with all band members and all our pets. But what about movies, TV series, books, animes, mangas and computer games? It seems like the programmer could only be interested in everything, which has to do with computers, but animals would be forbidden for him. Because how he could watch shows on Animal Planet? The programmer? It's a scandal!

So I like the most days, when we return after the tour to home and we can take a relaxing bath alone. Yes, alone. Voices of bandmates and even of our beloved ones are annoying after all this time and we need to have a time only for us. Our thoughts, our souls and our bodies.

I am almost fourty, so it isn't a shame for me to admit that I like sex. I like orgasms and I like your rough as hell hands on my body. But you know what? Even if I'm almost fourty, I still often can't admit that it isn't the most important thing.

It's about the calm. The calm in my heart, which I feel, when I'm with you. Or even when you're in the next room, or in the kitchen, making tea. Your presence is calming me, I feel like I had my own bodyguard, who will save me from this cruel world. The world outside and the world inside. I often have the impression that the greatest enemy of us are we ourselves. And I don't mean wars, but our minds. It's our brain that sends us conflicting signals and we feel stressed even though nothing is happening. It's as if we're afraid of the future, losing ourselves in the past and wasting the present.

But in your arms it's different. It's calm. After a tired day, after a long travel, after tiring tour. I love falling asleep like that. Hugging you and listening to your heartbeat. With Maa-kun laying between us in the bed. Thinking about how good it is to have someone to look after you, who cares, who cheers you up when you have a bad day and who runs after you in flip-flops, because you forgot your gloves, when you went to the studio. And maybe you often panic, maybe you're mad easily and maybe sometimes you're an egoist, but Tomofumi... I wouldn't trade you for anyone else. No one else would cover me with strong wings like you have.

I feel calm. You still whisper something to me, still patting my head, but I'm already falling asleep. I dive in the river of dreams.

See you tomorrow, Tomofumi.

The end

Mask

Band: Moran

Pairing: Soan&Hitomi

Rating: 17+

Genre: romance

Warnings: -

Note: Soan's thoughts about masks, about Hitomi and generally about life.

Everyone is wearing a mask. Somethimes they have even more than one. It depends on who they are with.

One mask for family. I smile to my father, even if I know, that we're gonna fight about some stupid shit in a moment. I thank my mother for a dinner, even though she overcharged it, but I blame it on the distraction caused by bad events in her favorite series. I laugh with my brother that I'm forever alone, even if he probably guesses that it's not true.

Second is for fans. A serious drummer, who loves everyone in spite of everything, holds no grudge against anyone, knows half of the rock scene in Japan. But the fans piss me off a lot, I'm not that serious at all, I'm still not expert about playing drums and I just don't like some of the people I take selfies with. However, I think that certain enemies must be kept closer than friends, because they can be useful. I'm only human and humans are manipulators.

Third mask is for friends. I'm always helpful, always give advices and take from the party, when it's bad weather or they're so done that they even don't have a strength to go get a bus drive. I'll go to the shop, when they're sick. I'll go for a walk with their dogs and feed their cats. I smile all the time, it's not a problem doing these things. I repeat it again and again. But I often feel tired and annoyed because of my friends, even if I care about them so much. Everyone wants to be alone sometimes and think about his own daily problems.

For you I don't have to put on a mask. You love me 

You love me as I am. You fly to me like a butterfly into a spider's web. You don't pay attention to the fact that you can get entangled and that the spider will never let you go from his arms again. You trust me. And you say you feel safe with me.

You know what, Hitomi? To be honest, I don't like this point of view, when people told us, who is seme and who is uke. Who is more manly and serious and who is more childish and girly. In our case it's not like that. Of course, I'm more manly than you, but I'm not serious at all. You're a thinker here. You have more logical mind and you can see and fix up my mistakes. I feel safe with you, but in a little different way. You said that you can fall asleep in my arms, because of it, but me... I see a future, Hitomi. And there's no pain, no loneliness, no tears because of quarells. That's what I mean, when I say that I feel safe with you. That I can look forward to the future with a smile, don't have to worry about the past and enjoy the present.

And everything because of you. That's why I don't need a mask, when I'm with you. I don't have to pretend that everything is okay, when is not. I can cry, I can laugh and I can be mad, even at you! Because I know that you will only smile and pat my head, telling me that sometimes you feel that you're older. 

Then I will probably get mad for a moment or pretend that I was offended, so that we would start rolling on the floor like some not-so-serious teenagers, when you would jump on my back and I intentionally fall over. I will lean on my arms over you and ask if you are really almost forty and you will burst out laughing. And that's how our seriousness and all of the masks we put on will disappear.

And I love this reality, Hitomi. The reality, where you are.

Thank you.

The end

Velvet

Band: The Guzmania&Acme (ex.DIV)

Pairing: Chobi&Chisa

Rating: 17+

Genre: romance

Warnings: some erotic scenes

Note: Chobi's thoughts about women and Chisa.

Or just a sensual miniature.

I always thought that women are beatiful. They have the perfect bodies and skin soft like silk. It was true. But then I met you and female part of the population didn't interest me anymore. Even though I was hundred percent sure I was straight.

My fingers move along your velvet skin, making you shiver. I lean over you, with my black hair lightly touching your face. Your bright hair spread over the pillow. You look at me with your big, black eyes, touching my warm cheek with your cold hand and kissing me passionately.

You have a habit of grabbing me by my wrists, which always ends with scratches, looking like I tried to give a cat a bath. And that's usually my cover-up story. Because while our friends laugh to themselves, our fans wouldn't understand.

An you know what? When I fall asleep next to you, feeling your warm breath on my skin, I think to myself that I don't care about all those women with perfect bodies and silk skin. I definitely prefer velvet.

The end

Letters to days and nights

Band: DIV, D=OUT in the background

Pairing: Chobi&Chisa, Naoto&Shougo, Yoshi (ex. CatFist)&Meiko (OC)

Rating: 17+

Genre: romance

Warnings: -

Note: Chisa's diary.

 "Friday, 11th November"

It's raining. I think that it's a good day to start writing this diary. Maybe it's immature. But it's not a bad idea... Right?

I like rain. I like, when it hits the iron windowsills, splashing drops in all directions. I like the greyness outside the window and the feeling that the sky is crying about the passing time.

I like rain. I like getting wet. It cleanses me. The rain is cool, running through my hair, soaking my hot cheeks, cooling my hot soul. I like rain.

But sometimes it's too cool. Then it gets cold, my bronchi don't like the cold, they don't like the rain, they hate being exposed to it. I get home, use my tiny fingers to take my inhaler out of my pocket and I calm down my dear friend asthma, who has said that my love of rain is wrong. Forbidden.

You say so too, drying my hair with a towel, even if I could do it myself. I love you, but your overprotectiveness infuriates me. We even stopped going to our favourite coffee shop. I want to drink cocoa there again on a frosty winter day and eat a vanilla fruit cake. But I can't, because you think I'm definitely going to have an attack. That's why we go there on warm days, drink tea and eat chocolate cake with nuts, because they don't serve it in other seasons than autumn and winter. It's a seasonal cake. And they don't make cocoa in the summer, because it's a custom.

Sometimes I feel like you're like rain. That I love you and hate you at the same time.

"Sunday, 27th November"

Yesterday was UNiTE.'s anniversary live. It's weird to be on stage with just Shougo. We wanted you to play with us, but Meiko was in the hospital. You panicked like always, even if it's just an appendix. You're as worried about her as You are about me. She once told me she's tired of being treated like a child. Like a doll that will break when you drop it.

I'm fed up with this too. More and more. I know her pain.

But I love You and I can't tell You that. I've never been able to tell anyone what is bothering me. I've always suppressed it. And then I reached for a knife.

I was stupid. A teenager, who thought that if he dies, it'll be better. It won't. It'll be worse. Especially for those, who love him.

It scares me that it's not just teenagers these days, who feel this way. But I can't help them. All I could do was pour my feelings into the lyrics of "Answer".

Fans wonder, why I'm crying. They blame that reaction on the fact that it was our first release. First music video. First look.

It's not true. They don't know anything. They only think they know. That they knew everything about us by reading Twitter posts and watching YouTube comments.

They're wrong. They don't even know, how much. And how much pain and misunderstanding is often hidden behind black marks on snow-white paper...

Besides, there is no us - our band. There is only a project with Shougo and You with coffee in a blue mug, sitting with a cat on your lap in an armchair, reading manga.

* * *

"I'm in my twenties! You don't have to treat me like an egg. My parents were like this and they're still like this. >>You can't do that, you can't go there, give up<<. I can deal with it, really. I'm not a child!" screamed Chisa, hitting the table with his bare hands.

Well, according to Chobi, he didn't have to and shouldn't do that.

"I don't treat you like a child. It would be at least weird."

"But you have to show me that you're older every now and then! We're both adult and the fact that when you were in your first band, I was drawing some butterflies in my sketchbook doesn't mean that you can act like my nanny!"

"Don't overreact or..."

"Or what? I'm going to have an attack? Okay, I can have it! It's nothing! I've been born with an asthma, I've spent a lot of time in the hospital, I know, what I have to do. Do you understand? I know! I won't die because of some stupid trip to the shop or running downstairs! I've been playing games during P.E., before Hayato showed me his guitar. As long as I have my inhaler with me, I'm safe!"

"But it's not pleasant for me or you!"

"Right, especially you, hmm? You're worrying about my asthma more than me. You're overreacting. And don't deny it!"

"I'm just worried about you!"

"You'll develop anxiety, if you’ll worry like that. And heart problems. Combined with coffee and cigarettes, you have it for sure."

"I don't know, what are you talking about just now..."

"I quit, you can quit too."

"It seems that you're overprotective too."

"I just want to show, how it is."

"But I have a good reason, not such stupid things!"

"Stupid things? You're doing stupid thing, Hiroki. If you didn't argue with Satoshi over everything, our band would still exist."

"Satoshi is a psycho. He gave Shougo some psychotropics!"

"You're paranoic. You're going to blame Satoshi for opening Pandora's Box soon..."

"Should I blame Satoshi for asthma's existence? Good idea."

"Hiroki!"

"What? I don't understand. You're screaming at me, because I'm worried about you. Should I be the emotionless human being like Satoshi?"

"I don't want to be treated like an egg."

"I'm not treating you like an egg."

"You do! We can't go to the coffee shop, because it's Winter and I can have an attack. You left our band, because your quarells with Satoshi were stressing me and I had attacks more often. You also don't like to arque with me and you agree with me almost all the time, because you can't even think about making your Sachi mad. He can have an attack, right? But you're such a perfect partner, so Sacchan says, Sacchan gets! If I tell you to bring me Satoshi's head, are you going to cut it off?"

"I can't do that, he's too strong... But maybe I should stab him first? Or should I use some tranquilizers? Like veterinarians use to deal with wild animals."

"Hiroki, please. Be serious."

"I can bring you Yoshito's head. I can win the fight with him really quick."

"Hiroki."

"What?"

"You're trying to change the topic."

"Yup, I'm trying."

"Stop it. We're not talking about serious topics and that's why everything is like that right now."

"I don't know, what you mean. You're overreacting, so sit down, I'll make you your jasmine tea, then we’ll watch some anime and everything will be okay" Chobi smiled and went to the kitchen.

"You still don't understand, what I mean..." Chisa sighed, following him.

"Yes, I don't understand. And I probably won't. But I'll try to accept this."

"But you shouldn't just accept it! Just yell at me, scream, do something! Why do you always scold me only for overworking myself?!"

"But I don't want to yell at you."

"Because I'll get angry and have an attack?"

"Yes, but..."

"Stop it."

"What?"

"Be quiet. Just be quiet. Oh, right, you can't be quiet."

"Sachi."

"Are you finally annoyed? Come on, scold me or something" Chisa shook his shoulder.

"Sachi, stop. This argument is leading us to nothing" said Chobi, opening the cupboard. "What cup do you want for your tea?"

"And you really don't understand anything what I just said?"

"Do you want a green one?"

"Are you ignoring me?"

"Can I give you the one with a doggie?"

"Hiroki!"

"I told you that I accept your opinion. Now calm down, before you're seriously going to have an asthma attack. Or just start crying."

"I'm not such an emotional looser as you think!"

"I don't think that you're an emotional looser."

"You're acting like you do think that. You're treating me like an egg. Like a child. You're trying to ignore the fact that I don't like it. Do you really think I'm just a small boy?"

"It would be really weird, if I thought about you as a small boy."

"Stop joking!"

"And you should stop acting like a real kid!" Chobi turned around and looked at Chisa. "That's bollocks, what you've been talking about! I used to think like this, when I was in high school! Sit down, before..."

"If you say that I'm going to have an attack, I'll punch you."

"You're not strong enought to punch me."

Chisa blinked. He looked at Chobi, then drew in his breath through his teeth, turned on his heel and ran to the bedroom.

"Where are you going? Sachi, come back here! Sachi! Kurihara, for fuck's sake!" Chobi ran after him.

"Shut up" groaned Chisa, taking his belongings off the shelves.

"What?"

"Just shut up."

"What are you doing?"

"I'll visit you tomorrow and take the rest. Or maybe in the next week. When I cool down."

"You can't live without me for one day."

"I can, when we have lives with Shougo. I don't need you 24 hours per day" Chisa pushed Chobi off his way, left the apartment and closed the door so abruptly that a calendar hung up the wall dropped on the floor.

"Nameko..." started Chobi, looking at his cat, who just woke up and walked to him. "Did he just slammed the door? Tell me that..."

He sat down on the floor.

"...that he didn't just break up with me."

* * *

Shougo freed himself from Naoto's arms, hearing the doorbell. He walked to the door and looked through the peephole. He opened it confused and let Chisa inside.

"What happened?" Shougo was confused. "And why did you use the doorbell, you still have keys."

"My hands are shaking too much" replied Chisa, then he coughed. "And this overprotective idiot was right this time."

He walked to his room to calm down his asthma attack.

"He has a bag" noticed Naoto. "Shogo, they're..."

"Well, I think they did it" Shougo looked like one of his dogs just died.

"Gods, first you, now them" Yoshi hit his face with his hand and walked to the kitchen.

He had to drink some beer. Why his housemates have to have neverending love-related problems...?

* * *

"Monday, 28th November"

I'm laying on the sofa. I'm in Shougo's apartment again, I had three asthma attacks and my hands are shaking. I'm pretending again that I'm the manly man and nothing can hurt me. Fans know nothing, I'm not tweeting about my bad mood and other sad things.

Everything is fine, Sachi. Everything is fine. Everything is fine. Everything is fine. Everythinwg is fwine. Everythinwg is fynee. Everuthlpg js frzladi. Wwydhi ihrd eoirsdfku...

"Tuesday, 29th November"

I woke up in the middle of night four times. I counted it. Everytime because of the same reason.

I can't breathe.

It's like you were my breath. My personal inhaler, which makes my bronchi finally work as they should.

I had to rewrite this entry. I barely could read the original one. It's like instead of grabbing an inhaler, you pick up a pen.

Idiot.

"Sunday, 4th December"

Today is Your birthday. I didn't send You even a shortest message. Stupid "Happy B-day!" on Twitter. Nothing.

We're not in the same band. We don't have to be friends. We don't have to try. We don't have to talk.

Shougo keeps scolding me. He says that I can't live like this. That I'm hurting myself too.

Yoshi just stares at me. Just stares, calls Meiko and talks behind the wall, knowing that I can hear everything. That she won't tell You anything, because it would make things worse.

If it can be even worse.

...

It can. I can't breathe again.

Asthma, please, not now.

"Monday, 5th December"

All these things I bought yesterday are empty. They're laying on my desk, they're documented in my phone, on my Twitter and probably on laptops of some fans, who download all photos we make.

Empty like me. Like my soul and my heart. It was my decision, but was it right? Maybe I shouldn't slam the door and leave.

Or maybe when you kissed me back then, in the middle of a starry night, I should've just pushed you away?

Or maybe I just... Yeah. I shouldn't get so close to You. Nor You or Shougo, who doesn't know that I'm home. I'm quiet, quiet like a small mouse. I'm laying in my futon, I'm listening to music playing from my headphones and I didn't switch the light on. I even locked the door. Nobody knows that I'm here. It's dark, I almost don't see, what I'm writing.

Besides, if Shougo knew that I'm home, he wouldn't be so noisy...

Naoto has to be a fricking good lover.

"Tuesday, 13th December"

I went with Yoshi and Meiko to the coffee shop. I ate vanilla cake and drank cocoa. It's winter, isn't it?

But it tasted like paper. Casual, grey paper. Dry, dry like my soul and my skin, which dried out because of weather. My soul is dry because of something else, my soul is dry, because I don't have any tears left. But I'm a man, I can't cry, men can't cry, we can't have emotions. We can't have traumatic experiences, because men aren't bullied, abused, raped, we're strong and what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. There is semen in our veins, not blood. Right?

We can't miss our younger sister, nor some cousin, who died a long time ago. We can't remember our beloved grandma's voice, when we go to sleep. We have to be strong, manly and eat meat, especially raw. Our hair has to be short, we have to buy clothes only in super manly shops, we can't wear colours, because we can like only black, white and all shades of grey. And if we don't have a job for men or if we're in the relationship with another man, we're not men anymore. We're women. Just like when we're talking about emotions. Well, we can't even talk, because women are the ones, who are blabbering non stop, and you have to shut up. You're a man, you can't talk, you can only nod and discuss about the last sport show you saw. Or sex.

And cocoa tasted like salt. Salty like tears, for fuck's sake.

"Thursday, 22nd December"

My throat hurts, I probably caught a cold. It's not a surprise, I had been wandering around the town for three hours. I’ve met a lot of people, I was passing them and they were passing me by and then everyone walked towards their own destination. We returned to our normal lives, more or less happy. My life is happy, I think.

Everything is fine, Sachi. It's just a break up, you broke up with a lot of women and one man before, this break up shouldn't be a problem for you at all! You're going to forget that you loved him, you're going to forget, how he used to whisper into your ear, calming you down, when you had nightmares, how he took a knife away from you, even if it's just a metaphor. You weren't holding it in reality, but you wanted to, because at this one short moment you got back to the past, when you were sixteen-years old idiot. How he used to take care of you, when you were sick, how he used to kiss your lips and how he used to take you to the land of lust, when you had sex during such December evenings just like this one, during a healstorm.

You're going to forget. You forgot about these women, you can't forget about Tsukasa though, because he doesn't let you. You're friends with him, even if he still loves you. But you're not sure and that's why you dumped him. You dumped him, because you didn't know when his jokes were becoming serious declarations.

And you're going to forget about Ishizuka Hiroki. You're going to forget, because you don't pick up his phonecalls and you don't read messages from him. You're going to forget, because you have to throw him away from your heart. You'll forget. Someday. For fuck's sake...

"Sathurday, 31st December"

New Year's Eve. We have a live gig in few days. My hands are shaking, because it won't be you again. I won't see you, when I turn to the bassist.

I shouldn't care about it.

I can hear my Mum cooking in the kitchen. I can smell gingerbreads she always bakes on the New Year's Eve. Dad is watching his favourite TV show about motorbikes. Hotaka and Bunko aren't here, because Bunko doesn't feel well. She'll give birth soon. And I'm sitting in my old room, I'm looking at my turtle and wonder, what she would say, if she could talk. She would probably tell my parents about my sex life, about my suicidal thoughts from the past and about the fact that I was crying with my face covered with a pillow, because I broke up with you a month ago. And we're both men. I would probably sleep on a train station, because I don't think there is a chance to catch amy train on a New Year's Eve.

I'm going to help my Mum with making a second batch of gingerbreads. And then I'm going to cover them with frosting. Maybe I will forget that I'm a dishonour for Kurihara family, because I can't get over a break up like some stupid teenage girl.

"Sunday, 1st January"

Happy New Year, Sachi. Maybe you should buy this new figurine you saw on Ebay? Buy it, buy it. You'll put it on the shelf and then you can stare at it all day, all night.

Mum asked me, why I'm sad. Is it so obvious. I don't want to hurt her. She probably already remembered this day, when she found me crying in the kitchen, when tears were streaming down my cheeks and when I couldn't calm down even, when she hugged me. She probably tried, I'm sure of it, not looking at the knife laying under the wall, she tried to not to think about how her son pulled it out from the drawer and chickened out at the last moment, she tried not to think, what would happen, if he didn't. She wouldn't sit on the cold floor, letting her almost adult son cry like some small child, she wouldn't be hugging him, she wouldn't be whispering to him that she'll help him, that everything will be okay, whatever happened.

And even if Mum didn't remember this day right now, I did. I hugged her and told her that everything is okay. That I'm just tired and that I have a lot of work. She patted my head and said that this girl isn't worth it for sure.

Yeah, you're right, Mum. She isn't. A girl.

"Sunday, 23rd January"

We came back from tour. I'm exhausted, sleepy and I'm tired of Naoto. I mean, I like him, I like Shougo, for Izanami's sake... Reika almost died from laughing, when we had to save them from trouble. Two men in their thirties locked themselves in the broom storage, because they were horny. It reminded me lof when Tsukasa suggested a simillar idea, but I was stubborn and talked him out of it. By the way, I wonder why the idea of being uke with me is so scary...

Women don't whine. You don't either...

"Wednesday, 26th January"

I've slept for three days with some breaks. I think that Meiko squeaks sweetly and Yoshi isn't very observant. I have the light on, but I don't think he noticed that I was here, behind the wall. Good thing I have music on my phone and headphones.

Maybe tomorrow I'll go for a cake with them too? I want cocoa.

I just need to buy gloves, because something happened to every pair i owned. Either I lost it or they have holes. And I gave some to Meiko, because she really liked the material they were made of. Oddly enough, they fit her hands. Maybe mine are really that tiny?

"Thursday, 2nd February"

I don't know, how to start. Maybe from the end? If I start from the end, I'm going to say that Naoto slapped my face. It hurt. It felt like hot needles were piercing my cheek, like it was burning and like it was forming into a shape of his hand. Hand, not fist, Naoto wanted to stop me from cursing everyone around me, not sending me to the hospital.

I started from the end, so maybe I should return to the beginning. I snapped at poor Shougo, I was screaming about everything, which bothered me and told him that I should have never meet both of you. That DIV shouldn’t ever exist, that this band is the worst thing that happened to me and that I'm fed up with singing songs, which don't mean anything to me anymore. Shougo was furious, but he tried to be calm. Until I started insulting Meiko only because she's Your sister. And a week before I was eating cake with her and she, a sweet young woman in blue dress, has never done anything to me. Never.

And, to be honest, I deserve this hangover. This moral hangover too. Where are my painkillers? I'm going to be sick. Again.

"Friday, 24th February"

I went to the coffee shop with Meiko. Alone. I tried to take her there a few times, but she refused everytime. I wasn't surprised. I acted like an asshole, alcohol talked through me and Takeshi shouldn't let me drink so much.

Okay, maybe I shouldn't blame Takeshi, he just wanted to be a good friend. He wanted to cheer me up, grab my hand and pull me from this abyss - the well without a bottom, where I fell and I can't stop falling. I'm just deeper and deeper, there's less and less light, but I'm forgetting, I'm trying to forget, forget about kisses, promises, rough hands on my body, about all orgasms and rythm in which Your heart was beating, when I used to listen to it, laying with my head on your chest...

I was supposed to write about Meiko. So I could see sadness in her black eyes, I could see that she was eating her cake like she wasn't sure, if she should be here. She couldn't see me, for her the world is black. It's the only colour she knows. She's floating in black water, in liquid darkness, which embraces her and prevents her from touching the light.

She spoke finally. She told me that you still love me and that we have to get back together, because it's nonsense. That we're suffering like someone, who got too small dose of painkillers and we're wasting too much time. That it's some big, unfunny joke for her and she wants everything to go bact to like it was before. She was always treating me as Sachi, not Chisa. She didn't call me "Chisa" even once.

But it won't be like before, Meiko. It won't be until your dear brother learns something.

And until my fragile, weak and stupid heart won't admit that you're right...

"Wednesday, 15th March"

Yesterday I played bass for the first time since years. Reika thinks that I did it well. Rui and Haku too. But I think that they're wrong. Because when I was playing, I saw Your face.

I'm not doing well. And I won't.

"Sathurday, 18th March"

I can't find my inhaler. I don't even know, how it's possible that I can write without a problem.

"Sunday, 19th March"

I don't want to see Shougo so frightened anymore, like yesterday. I don't want to hear my breathing, when it sounds like this.

I'm tired. I'm tired so much that I want to do stupid things. Or sleep all day. Or eternity.

"Tuesday, 21th March"

I've been laying on the grass for two hours and staring at the sky. People were glaring at me, some of them asked, if I'm okay and they walked away confused, when I confirmed. It was beautiful weather this day and I couldn't wash away my emotions with rain.

Why the sky doesn't want to cry? I need it. I need tears, but mine are dried up. Again.

I took my cellphone with me just because I wanted to decline calls. I picked up a phone only, when my Mum called me. It was a nice talk. She told me about neighbours' cat, who gave birth to four sweet kittens. One is crazy, it's always running around the yard and bringing mice. Second one is always scared and a one third is living in its own world and it's no problem to catch it. It's also clingy and Mum is thinking about adopt it. The last one is grumpy and is always walking its own way, other three are playing together.

When I was talking with Mum, the Grumpy and the Crazy started fighting, which ended with the Clumsy one being hurt too, because it wanted to help. Only the Scaried one didn't get hurt.

"Thursday, 30th March"

It's been raining since morning. And I have enough. I want to leave home and go to You even by feet. I want to laugh with You, talk with You, do stupid things with you. Hug You and think about everything and nothign and feel Your hand on my head.

Hiroki, Your sister is right. It's an unfunny joke. Let's return the past to the world.

* * *

Insomnia. Tiredness. Hate for the world. Silence. This This boundless dead silence that seems to have no end.

"It's normal" they say, when I wander between furnitures, not even turning on the light.

Why I should turn on the light, if I feel as if I've lost a light bulb, candle and even a lighter?

Although I still have a lighter. I mess it up in my hand, playing with it and wondering, if any of the promises I make to people make sense.

I promised you our relationship wouldn't be affected by the disband of the band. So what do I get from it? What do I get from it, I'm asking?

Nothing. The promise crumbled to dust. Everything is gone. You disappeared. From my life? I think so. Forever? Probably not...

I kick the chair as if it was guilty. Poor piece of furniture, it didn't do anything wrong and it still is taking my anger.

I sit on the windowsill and look at this cloudy world, plunged in gray. It's raining, large drops fall on the iron windowsill and splash, creating new ones.

Like disbanded bands, right?

I bang my head on the glass and stay there. My ears ring for a moment, and I feel like I hear the doorbell.

The glass is cold. Coffee on the table too. The room is dark. Meiko would say that now I finally know, what I always wanted to understand. What is it like to be her.

The bell rang again. So it's not me hitting the glass a little too hard. Doesn't matter. Let it ring.

Silence again. Maybe it was the postman? At most, I will find a delivery note in the mailbox, it's not a big problem.

I open my eyes. It seems to me that I can see your silhouette in the pouring rain. You're staring straight at my window, watching me closely as if you are waiting for something. The rain runs down your completely wet hair, seeps into your clothes, caresses your cheeks like I did until recently...

Wait a minute.

I straighten up and open my eyes.

You really stand like that pillar of salt in the rain, looking longingly at me.

Without umbrella! You're getting wet!

I jump off the windowsill and run to the door, stumbling over that unfortunate chair I kicked earlier. And for Izanami's sake, you had to do it to this poor furniture, Hiroki? You had to? You're stupid and that's it, underdeveloped bassist in his thirties with three cats.

Okay, maybe I can find a second shoe and not be overwhelmed by my thoughts.

I run down the stairs and open the door to the stairwell, clutching my umbrella in my hand. You aren't here? Have I had hallucinations? In fact, I've been sleeping maybe three hours a day lately...

I sigh, then decide that after I left the house, maybe I'll take my daily dose of fresh air and go to the store. Only after a while I realize that I didn't take my wallet.

And then I hear the dull creak of a swing from a nearby playground.

I turn that way and I see you again. You sit on a swing and swing, judging by your moving lips, to the beat of the melody you humming under your breath.

Forward, backward, forward, backward.

I walk calmly, as if I still don't believe I can see you and wonder what to say to you.

"Sachi" I say your name, even if I don't know, if I still have the oportunity to do this.

You stop so suddenly that you almost fall from the swing. You look at me, I look at you, you at me and it continues for a while, because we don't know, what to do next.

"You're getting wet" I say, eyeing you up and down. "You're soaked to the skin. You'll get sick and, on top of that, you will also get an attack."

"That's why I didn't take my umbrella" you say, getting up from the swing and approaching me. "I wanted to get sick. I wanted to have an attack. I wanted..."

To vanish? You wanted to say this, right?

"Hiroki..." you sigh.

You don't like talking. You prefer listening.

"I know. I'm sorry" I put hand on you wet hair.

You're gonna be sick. I know it.

"I'm sorry too" you say quietly. "Hiroki, you look like you haven't slept since a few days..."

"You too. Except I'm dry" I fold my umbrella and drop it to the ground. "But that can be changed."

"You'll get wet" you notice revealingly.

"I know" I smile softly and put my fingers through your hair. "But will you let me do something hopelessly trivial before your asthma and non-existed immunity show up?"

"Life isn't a romantic comedy, Hiroki."

"Indeed, it's far from comedy" I say and kiss your cold from the rain lips.

You're all cold. And you often compare me to fire. Are we opposites of eachother?

Me, an extrovert with a cup of coffee in my hand, running to another meeting with my friends.

You, an introvert with a cup of tea in your hands, sitting on the windowsill and looking out the window.

Okay, maybe you have friends too and today I sat on the windowsill for half an hour, but isn't it like those dots in the middle of the white and black parts of the Yin-Yang sign?

"Let's go back home" I say finally and grab your ice cold hand.

You're going to be sick tomorrow. I'll be listening to you whining and sobbing that you're poor and sad because of that.

Today, probably in half an hour, if not sooner, you'll have an asthma attack and I'll have to make you a cup of tea, when your breathing returns to normal.

But at least I can finally turn on the light in the room.

* * *

"Friday, 31th March"

It's raining. Again. It's been raining for two days almost constantly. I'm a little sick and I had an asthma attack yesterday, but I'm okay. I'm really okay.

It's okay, because You're with me and looking behind me as I write. It's okay, because Your rough hand is stroking my head. It's okay, because Nameko jumped on the bed and tries to stop me from writing, constantly nudging my hand.

We both learned something. You've learned that you shouldn't be so overprotective, I've learned that I have to ask for help sometimes. And repeating that everything is okay is a lie, when it isn't at all. When all in our hearts, minds and lives is chaos. When everything isn't as it should be.

But now it really is. Our neighbours can confirm this too, because they for sure heard us yesterday. Maybe we should give them some cookies tomorrow and apologise, shouldn't we?

The end

You don't walk into the same river twice, but four times

Band: Dio -distraught overlord-/Black Line/G.L.A.M.S

Pairing: Mikaru&Syu

Rating: 17+

Genre: romance

Warnings: -

Note: Denka knows that Mikaru is a womanizer, but he finds himself in his arms again and again.

What will happen first? Mikaru realising, how much he's hurting Denka (and himself) or Denka pushing away Mikaru for good?

Syu was half-laying in the armchair, leaning on one armrest with his legs over the other, scrolling through Twitter, when Tetsuto entered the dressing room. He sat down on the sofa and sighed, pressing himself into the fabric of the sofa.

"What's going on?" asked Syu, looking at him.

"Erina" replied Tetsuto. "Maybe I should tell Kei that he's hitting one me?"

"Our dear guitarist is just like that. Don't worry about him, he won't seduce you" Syu smiled slightly. "He likes to pretend that he has a crush on someone and then burst out laughing and say that it was just a test. It took some time before Kei realized that in his case it wasn't a joke. It's Erina's fault, of course."

"Isn't Kei mad at him?"

"Of course that he's mad" Syu laughed loudly. "But usually it ends with Erina's wallet being empty because of gummies and his ass hurts."

"And this is really the norm?" asked the bassist once again.

Syu nodded.

"I wonder what his fangirls think about it..."

"He doesn't play like this with his fangirls" replied Syu. "And he doesn't like to look for fanboys in the crowd of girls."

"What do you mean?"

"He likes boys. Only" explained the drummer. "He has an aversion to women in general. It's probably because of all those fangirls, who want to adopt him and don't treat him like a grown man, but a child."

"I understand" Tetsuto nodded. "But Mikaru seems to like fangirls very much."

"Yeah, he likes them..." Syu stiffened at the mere mention of how greedy the vocalist is for the touch of his fans. "He very likes them..."

"Actually, Syu... Are you a couple or not?" asked Tetsuto. "You know, to be honest, I'm confused about your relationship."

"Sometimes we are, sometimes we're not" replied Futaba. "That depends on how long I can stand his behaviour."

"What behaviour?"

"Let's say that Masaya is... specific. And I don't have enough patience to support all his ideas."

"How many times have you broken up?"

Syu thought for a moment. How many times they broke up and got together again?

"Three" he replied and then Erina burst into the garderobe.

"Hi, Tetsu~!" he called him, sitting on his lap. "How are you?"

"Awesome. Do you want to go on date with me?" asked Tetsuto, at which the guitarist chuckled.

"It's just a joke, Tetsuto. I'm with Kei, you know?" Erina patted his head. "It's just a baptism of fire. You're not in love with me, are you?"

"I have a girlfriend. Much prietter than you" replied the bassist.

Erina snorted and looked like an offended five-years-old girl, which made Syu burst of laugh.

* * *

It was the day, when they announced Dio's disbandment. Denka was sitting in the rehearsal room, sadly poking his drum plate. Ivy and Kei were bustling around the room gathering their stuff.

"What if you persuade Erina to come back?" asked Ivy, looking at the guitarist.

Kei looked at him with strangely empty eyes.

"Let's say he's stubborn like a mule" replied Kei, taking his bag and picked up the guitar case. "I'll go now. I still need to buy jelly beans, because I'm out of them. See you tomorrow."

And he left, leaving his younger bandmates alone.

"Do you know that Soan and Hitomi are finally together?" asked Ivy, at which Denka just froze with a drumstick in his hand.

"Who?"

"Soan and Hitomi. From Moran. They're together" repeated Ivy.

"Oh, right, them. Yeah, they've been staring at each other for half a year, I think" Denka smiled sadly and returned to torturing his drumset.

"So maybe you should do the same?" asked Ivy and Denka just dropped his drumstick.

"What?"

"You and Mikaru. You know, kiss kiss, I love you, the big love story and everybody happy" Ivy smiled brightly.

"Don't you have to go home already, just like Kei? Hanami is probably worried about you."

"She'll last a day without me" Ivy shrugged.

"But maybe she made pasta?" suggested Denka and Ivy thought for a moment.

"That's a good argument" he said, pulling out his phone. "Hey Hanami~! What's for dinner? Oh, that's great! Did you know our drummer is a clairvoyant? Bye bye then, Denka!"

And he burst out of the room, almost hitting the treshold with his bass.

"Crazy boy" mumbled Denka, returning to abusing the drum plate.

In fact, he didn't know, why he's so touched by this disband. But he suspected that it can be due to what Ivy was talking about.

Since when he loved that person crazier even than the bassist? That prince of darkness with wings on his back?

In this moment the door opened queitly. Denka sighed.

"Did you forget about something, Ivy?" he asked, not even looking at him.

"Ivy didn't forget anything, unlike me" the drummer heard Mikaru's voice.

He looked up. The vocalist was standing there and staring at him.

"What?" asked finally Denka, putting the drumstick on a table. "We announced disbandment. Do you expect me to spread the sparkles of happiness?"

"No" Mikaru leaned on drumset. "But I can give you a reason."

And before Denka could even react, he kissed him. At first Futaba didn't know, what to do - if he should push him away or scold him for kissing him just after smoking, but he kissed him back in the end. And he slept with him. On the sofa. In both ways. Good that they locked the door before doing this.

After founding of Digras, Denka had enough. Enough of Mikaru's fangirls and enough of not being sure, what was their relationship status. Was that even a relationship or just sex?

"You're overreacting, Denka" said the vocalist, when he scolded him angrilly. "We're adults. Don't be jealous because of such stupid reasons/"

"This woman put her hand in your pants" Syu glared at him. "You said that we're adults. But you're acting like a kid, who wants everything for himself. And you don't care about people, who are important to you."

"You're whining" Mikaru streched lazily. "I'm going to smoke. If you really don't like my habits, you can go home."

And he was so sure that his lover won't do it that he just left.

But when he came back, he realised that even Syu's toothbrush disappeared from his bathroom...

But Syu was weak. When Mikaru decided to start a new band named Black Line, the drummer immediately agreed. He had some flings in meantime, but nothing more. He remembered too well the vocalist's harsh voice, whispering to his ear, to remember at least a name of his lovers.

Again there were ambiguous gestures and again Syu felt a wave of heat wash over him every time Mikaru smiled at him. He's a guy, but in the presence of this lunatic, his body (and mind) completely ignored this fact and he was flushing like a thirteen-year-old girl!

"Masaya..." he started after one of concerts.

The vocalist looked up at him.

"I'm listening, Syu" he said, putting away a book about rabbits, which he was reading.

The drummer took a deep breath, walked to the vocalist, grabbed his arm and slightly pushed him against the wall.

"Wow, how manly" Mikaru laughed and Syu kissed him greedily.

The vocalist grabbed his shoulders and kissed him back, pushing himself and Futaba on the chair.

"You owe me a tenner" they heard Yudai's voice after a moment.

Right, this time they forgot to lock the door. Good that Mikaru only managed to take off his shirt and undo Syu's belt.

They were curious, about what Jun and Yudai had their bet, so they asked them about it. Jun and Yudai explained that they were wondering, if Mikaru and Syu will first get together or if they're going to catch them during spicy time and then Mikaru and Syu would tell them about their relationship. Mikaru and Syu of course smacked their heads, but just like some type of a joke. They laughed about it later.

This time the vocalist acted better. This time he wasn't flirting with fangirls so often, this time Syu didn't have to punish him so often for this and this time Syu's patience ended after three years. But it still hurt. Mikaru's eye, when Syu punched his face. But Syu's heart a little too.

He cut back on talking with him to minimum for a year. Until B7Klan didn't ask them, if Dio wants to go for a tour around Europe with Dirtrucks.

"I don't know..." mumbled Denka, laying on the bed and listening to Ivy's blabbling about what a great opportunity to meet again on stage it is.

"But Denka, please! Don't be mad at Mikaru just for a while. It's gonna be awesome!" exclaimed the bassist.

"Dude, even Erina agreed" told him Kei a few minutes later. "Ivy was trying to persuade you to do it for three hours and you're still not sure?"

"How do you know that we we’re talking for three hours now?"

"Because that's how long I tried to call you" explained Kei, making Denka laugh.

He agreed. He wanted to be finally left alone and he was also curious, how it’s gonna be like to play together.

He found out by the way that Kei and Erina, who some times after Dio's disbandment broke up, got back together.

"Syu?" he heard behind him.

He turned around and saw Mikaru, who was smiling a little sadly.

"What happened? Your bunny died?" asked Denka.

"What? No! I was just... Thinking" replied the vocalist.

"Oh, that’s new" Denka smiled a little meanly.

"I'm trying to be nice."

"And I'm not."

"Syu!" Mikaru grabbed his shoulder. "I miss you. If you want it or not, I can't stop thinking about you."

"But you're going to miss not me, but your fangirls" mumbled Denka.

"I won't do that."

"Do you promise?"

"I promise" Mikaru nodded and kissed him.

"I knew that they're gonna get together again!" exclaimed Ivy, standing in the treshold and pulled out his smartphone. "Heiichi, they're together again! Hey, don't call me >>kid<<, I'm older than you!"

And he went to the other room to continue his conversation.

"Next time we should close the door."

"Good idea. But there won't be the next time."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

And he broke his promise. Dio's tour ended, just like Denka's patience. Probably because Mikaru gave him a promise and broke it anyway. Just like Denka broke Mikaru's tooth, when he punched his face. Good that the dentist could fix it.

Now Syu agreed to play as support drummer for G.L.A.M.S. Of course he could deny Mikaru's offer. But no! His heart was as stupid as his love interest.

After returning to the hotel, Syu laid down on the bed and looked at the ceiling. They broke up probably... one month ago? And now he had to see him everyday again. Why isn't he assertive at all?

He heard knocking on the door. Recently Tetsuto often was visiting him in the evenings, because he wanted to whine about Erina, but this prank has already ended. So who...?

"Syu, open the door. Please" he heard Mikaru's voice. "I just want to talk."

The drummer thought for a moment, got up and opened the door.

"Did something happen?" asked Syu.

"Can I walk in?"

"But what happened?"

"Can you let me in? I want to talk inside, not in the hall."

"It's a hotel, walls have ears here."

"Syu!" Mikaru glared at him. "Please."

"Okay, come in" Syu pulled him inside and closed the door. "So what happened?"

Mikaru sat down. He looked at the floor. As if he seriously thought about something.

"Masaya?"

"I'm an idiot" he said firmly. "I'm an idiot. I let you leave me everytime. I shouldn't do that. I care about you, Syu. Really."

"Am I that good in bed?"

"I care about you being in my heart, not bed" Mikaru stood up so abruptly that his chair fell on the floor. "Syu... Listen..."

"I'm listening."

"You love me, right?"

"Did you realise that after six years? Congrats" Syu clapped his hands. "I love you more than anything, but you prefer fangirls."

"I don't prefer fangirls" replied Mikaru. "I prefer you."

"In bed?"

"Stop talking about bed!" Mikaru growled, grabbing his arms. "I love you, Syu. But I realised it a little too late."

"A little? Wait, what?" Syu blinked.

Mikaru was serious. His eyes were blurry, his breath was shallow and his hands were sweating. He really was serious!

"Do you love me?"

"Yes. More than fans. And my bunnies."

"Even Lily?"

"Even Lily" Mikaru smiled fondly and kissed him.

Softly. Without telling him to spread his legs in front of him in a moment and do everything he wanted without protest.

But Syu wanted it himself. And could honestly admit that sex has never been so good.

* * *

"So is your relationship finally normal?" asked Tetsuto.

Since Mikaru and Syu confessed their feelings for each other and got together for the fourth time, almost a year had passed. The vocalist kept ignoring fangirls by any chance. All he did was putting a shoe on a foot of one of them that night, when she announced that she was his Cinderella.

"Yes" confirmed Syu, looking through open window, which reminded him that they played the concert like this too.

With an open window! And the sound carried to the entire Posen's old town!

"That's good" Tetsuto nodded. "I'm going for a beer. Do you want some?"

"Maybe later" replied Syu.

"I'll call Hanami by the way then" said Tetsuto and left.

Syu leaned against the windowsill. The night was warm. He felt calm. Like he was never going to be sad again.

After a while he felt like someone is embracing him from behind. He smiled, smelling familiar cologne and nicotine. The feeling of peace became even more intense and spread over his heart.

Yes. Everything was finally okay.

The end