Flashbacks from the past

Band: vistlip with MoNoLith in the background

Pairing: Tomo&Tohya with Umi&Yuh and Rui&Shuhei in the background

Rating: 17+

Genre: slice of life, soft angst

Warnings: based on true story, character death

Note: Tohya has a trauma about an accident and Tomo want to help him with it.

I blinked. I opened my eyes. It was dark. Car light was the only source of light. I blinked again. I've seen everything upside down. After a while I realized that I was hanging upside down. Then a moment later I realized that blood was dripping from my fingers. That was the moment when I felt that hellish pain. And realized what exactly just happened.

"Tohya, don't overthink so much" said Tomo, patting drummer on the arm. "Why are you looking at me like I woke you up?"

"Because you woke me up" explained Tohya, rubbing his eyes.

"Seriously?" confused Tomo sat next to him. "And I thought that only Rui can fall asleep so fast."

"As you can see, not only him" Tohya smiled radiantly.

Fake smile. It was all which he could give to Tomo in this moment. Another anniversary of their accident was approaching and he had the nightmares again. As always.

"Guys, the break is over, we should get back to work" said Umi, looking at everyone.

Yuh stretched lazily and looked at him.

"Give us another five minutes" he said slowly and yawned. "Or maybe we should go home, it would be the best."

"No, we have to work on some details" said Umi, standing in front of Yuh. "And you have some troubles with one guitar solo, honey."

"You are the only one who thinks that" snorted Yuh, turning around.

"One, two, three, humph?" Tomo laughed loudly. "Look, Tohya, Umi is gonna sleep on the so..."

The vocalist dodged, because Umi threw out his flip-flop in his direction.

"Alright, I won't say anything else. You are so sensitive today."

"They're probably constantly arguing about what we should give them as a gift. Since they're together, we give them only one" added Tohya and he also had to dodge, but Yuh's sandal. "Okay, but maybe stop throwing shoes at us? We should find our clumsy boy, because he's lost, if you didn't notice."

Umi looked around. Tohya was right, Rui wasn't there.

"If you are so smart, go and find him" said Umi, grabbing Tohya's hand and throwing him out of the room.

Tohya sighed and made only a few steps, when Tomo joined him suddenly.

"I decided to join you" said vocalist. "Maybe they just need to talk? When they make compromise, they'll be calm again."

"Do you think that they have quiet days?" Tohya chuckled.

"More like days, when they're throwing shoes all the time, even Rui was their victim today" noticed Tomo. "Twice."

"Right. I'm curious, where he left, when the break started."

"I bet that he left building and now he's talking with Shuhei about us. You know, that we bully him so much" assumed Tomo.

"Yes, and they threw shoes at me. Twice. One of them was dirty and now I have sand in my hair" they heard Rui's voice.

He was standing next to the exit.

"Okay, I have to end our conversation, because if I won't come back to rehearsal room, they'll hit me with a guitar. No, Honey, I don't know, if it would be Umi's or Yuh's. Okay, bye. Oh, what are you doing here?"

"Umi and Yuh sent us" explained Tomo, taking Rui by the arm.

"And we have to take you with us, or it will be a very bad end" added Tohya. "Okay, let's go. We don't wanna end as a bloody jam on the wall, right?"

Tohya followed Tomo and Rui and watched them closely. These two guys have always been best friends and they didn't change their behaviour even when Rui and Shuhei became a couple. He didn't know, what Shuhei would do, if he saw Rui and Tomo walking together, but Tohya was jealous. He wanted to be in bassist's place in this moment. He wanted to feel Tomo closely, in the other way than usually. He wanted to try, what is the taste of real kisses, not only the ones meant for fanservice.

Since when he loved him? Since two or three years? Maybe more? For sure he realized his feelings, when they had this nightmarish accident, but when it started?

"I'll check if we're not gonna die" said Tomo, abruptly ending Tohya's daydreaming.

They were already in front of their rehearsal room? When? Drummer didn't even notice it.

Tomo looked inside and jumped away from the doors, like the doorhandle electrocuted him or something.

"Umm... Who has his car keys? Because I won't go for mine, I don't want to lose my mind" Tomo trembled a little.

"I have mine" said Rui, showing Tomo his car keys.

"Awesome!" yelled Toshi. "Okay, so I won't have my phone and my car until tomorrow, if Umi and Yuh don't want to give me my bag, when they... end making a compromise...

A vocalist grabbed both of his friends' hands and went to the exit.

"Leader, ugh!" snorted Tomo, starting to walk faster. "If it was me, he would just throw me out the window, but he's allowed to do it. I'm not gonna sit on this sofa for a week!"

"Do you have a trauma, Tomo?" asked Rui, who could barely keep up with the almost running vocalist. "Oi, slow down! If you don't, you will be dragging me on the floor!

"Don't smoke so much and you'll be able to run after angry and scared Tomo" Tohya smiled maliciously.

Rui only mumbled something as the answer.

* * *

The news that Asako is dead was probably the most terrifying news which I heard in my life. Until today I wonder if I could have prevented it. If I was more careful, would she still  alive?

Only the fact that you were barely injured was something like redemption for me. I would be depressed by a death of every of our firends, but... Toshi, what would happen, if you died like Asako? What would be with vistlip, with me, with our friends? Would we still be able to live normally after that? Even now we can't forget about Asako, and it would be worse, if you were in her place...

"Tohya, hey, why are you sleeping again?" Tomo looked at drummer, confused. "You didn't sleep well at night?"

"You're right" nodded Tohya.

"We are there. Walk you home?" asked Tomo. "You can fall asleep or even faint..."

"It's not so bad" replied Tohya. "But thank you for caring about me. Thank you for giving me a lift, Rui."

"You're welcome" replied Rui.

Tohya got out of the car and closed the door behind him.

"Don't you think that..." started Tomo, but Rui interrupted him.

"He's always like this before anniversary" said Rui. "Haven't you noticed? Oh, right. You don't notice anything. Go after him, so maybe one thing will stop upsetting him all the time."

"What thing?" asked Tomo.

"You" explained Rui. "And now go. Probalby you have only one chance."

"I don't know what are you talking about, Rui..."

"Seriously?" Rui moved to the back seat and sat next to Toshi. "Tomo, listen. Do you still remember, when you woke up after the accident?"

"In hospital."

"And do you know who got you out of the car wreckage?"

"Paramedics?"

"Nope" Rui poked Tomo's forehead. "Umi got out Yuh first, then me and Tohya got you. People from staff were able to do it themselves and they called an ambulance. And our Matsushita was sitting there, with you on his lap, waiting for ambulance. You know, you weren't awake for a long time. I woke up just before that when Tohya got you out. I even thought that you died like Asako..."

"I think that we are talking about it for the first time" noticed Tomo. "I don't know this version of story."

"Of course that we're talking about this for the first time! Earlier these memories were too painful for me."

"Umi and Yuh said something different..."

"What? Just facts, right? You know, they were thinking mostly about themselves, I didn't have to worry about my sweetheart. I didn't even know my Honey, so I could observe situation for distracting myself from these sad events" explained Rui. "Tomo, tell me... Do you love Tohya?"

"Don't ask me such questions!" yelled Tomo.

"Oh, so I was right. Good" Rui smiled a little. "You know, I just wonder lately, if he still loves you since then. And today I realized that yes, he still loves you. When we were walking to the rehearsal room, I turned back for a moment. He was sad and a little annoyed. Like he was gonna kill me. So I think that you can go to his home and tell our koala that you can be his panda."

"Panda? Wait, Rui, did you just..."

"Yes, I did it" Rui smiled radiantly and pulled out a phone from a pocket. "Oh, Honey sent me message that I have to hurry, because he made a dinner. Okay, so I have to go to pharmacy for some pills and herbals. Okay, go, before he gets mad at me, because I will be late."

"So..." Tomo sighed. "Wish me good luck."

Vocalist left the car and ran to the staircase. Rui just smiled.

"Observation, right" bassist started a car. "Oh, I didn't know if I can see something with closed eyes..."

* * *

I woke up. The last dream was strange. I was walking around the house, your photos were everywhere and I was thinking about what would happened if you died in the accident.

I went to the kitchen, because I wanted to make some tea and then I heard the doorbell. A little confused, I opened the doors and froze.

I saw Asako.

"Hi, Tohya, thank you that you let me meet with you" she said. "Will you let me in? Tohya?"

"Why are you here?" I asked, looking at her, being very confused. "How? Am I dreaming again?"

"Do you feel okay, Tohya?" she asked, putting her hand on my forehead. "We were talking through the phone and..."

"It's a dream, I have to wake up" I said, turning back. "Come, if you want, but... I know that you're not real."

"What are you talking about?" Asako turned me around towards her.

"You died in the accident" I whispered and she smiled sadly.

"Ah, right, anniversary is coming and you are in this defensive mood again, right?" she nodded. "Two years ago you thought that Yuh died, one year ago that it was Umi, now that it was me. Rui will be next, right? And those staff members..."

"What about Tomo?" I blinked, looking at her more and more terrified.

"Tomo?" Asako sighed and her eyes filled with tears. "Matsushita, it was Tomo who died in this accident."

"Tohya, you forgot to close the door!" cried Tomo, walking into Tohya's place. "Tohya?"

Vocalist stopped. Tohya was sleeping again, on the sofa this time. He just took off the shoes and went to sleep. Tomo went to Tohya and knelt down next to him. And it was a moment when he realized that Tohya cheeks are wet.

"Why are you crying?" Tomo was confused.

He wiped tears from drummer's cheeks, who woke up because of that.

"Seriously, why?

"What why?" mumbled Tohya, sitting down. "And what are you doing here?"

"Why are you crying?"

"It's just like that sometimes" replied Tohya. "Especially when I have a bad dream."

"Bad dream?"

"I dreamed that Asako was alive, but you weren't" explained Tohya, closing his eyes.

Tomo looked at drummer even more confused and sat next to him.

"Do you often have such nightmares?"

"Do you mean Asako as the main character of them? Yes, often. Especially just before anniversary" replied Tohya.

"It wasn't your fault, Tohya" said Tomo firmly.

"But what if it was my fault?" asked Tohya, clenching his fists. "If I could do something to make this accident never happen? And now I feel like a murderer. If I killed her with my own hands..."

Tohya froze, when Tomo hugged him.

"Don't say such thing" whispered Tomo, closing his eyes. "Nobody accuses you of anything. You are innocent."

"Do you seriously think that it's not my fault?" asked Tohya.

Tomo laughed shortly.

"I'm serious."

"But... You woke up in the hospital! I thought that you died like Asako" Tohya grabbed Tomo's arms. "Rui also didn't wake up for a long time, but..."

"For a long time?" Tomo was confused again. "He said that he saw you..."

"Me?"

"When you got me out of this car wreck" explained Tomo.

Tohya sighed.

"He didn't see anything. I just told him about it" he corrected him. "I just coudn't let you stay there. I couldn't let you die."

"Why?" asked Tomo, looking in Tohya's eyes.

"Because I love you, Toshi. And I realized it because of this accident" Tohya looked down. "And that's because I feel so much guilt."

"I really understand you" said Tomo, getting closer to Tohya. "But it can't change a fact that I would love you even if you were guilty."

Tohya froze, when Tomo kissed him, but after a moment he kissed him back. Finally he was happy. And maybe Toshi will find some way to make him forget about this hellish accident.

* * *

"And what about Panda and Koala?"

"Tohya doesn't answer phonecalls, so I think that they're very busy now. And if I know Tomo, when he heard ringing phone, he found it and threw it at the wall."

"And Umi and Yuh?"

"Leaving for such a long time was a good idea. They made it up and tomorrow they probably won't throw shoes at us."

"You should start love counseling."

"The fact that I am the clumsy boy in the band doesn't mean that I'm not a good observer. But I don't want to tell anyone about it. It's okay as it is now."

The end