Band: Acme
Pairing: Rikito&Haru
Rating: 17+
Genre: slice of life
Warnings: hospital, illness
Note: Sickfic about Rikito's illness.
Based on true story.
Pain.
I remember only that.
This pain.
And after that, nothing.
As if they turned my power off, took out my batteries and threw me off the balcony on the sixth floor.
Later I remember the hospital. Doctors, parents and my siblings. And a full dose of medicine. In a drip. It would be too dangerous in pills.
I was dumbfounded by them. I didn't fully understand what was happening to me and where I was.
I opened my eyes and saw a white ceiling.
I closed them and it was dark again.
I wanted to be with you. On the stage.
But I couldn't.
I just wanted to be with you just like that.
But I couldn't do that either.
I wanted to be with you. Talk. Hug. Anything.
But I couldn't do that either.
Perhaps you visited me. Maybe you said something. Or maybe you were just bringing flowers.
Or maybe you stayed longer and whispered in my ear that we would be playing together again soon.
But I don't know that. I don't know, because I don't remember anything. Too strong drugs. As if I was in a trance. As if I was alive and dead at the same time.
Maybe you were holding my hand, maybe you even kissed my hand or my cheek. Maybe you were humming something as you put fresh flowers in a vase, taking out the old ones first.
Maybe I even told you something. Maybe I told you something I shouldn't have and made you upset about it. Or maybe just the opposite, maybe I made you happy with some trifle?
I don't know. I don't remember. Memories are like blank white cards. White like that hospital ceiling and snow falling outside the window.
Snow? Yes. Snow.
I remember now. It was snowing.
I was looking out at the world behind the window, standing by the windowsill, waiting for something. Or someone. Probably for you.
I don't know, if you came, because I fainted. That's all I know. That's what I remember from doctors' conversations. They muttered among themselves that I would stay here for a long time and wondered, if I needed a transplant.
I didn't know, what was going on around me at all. As if I was losing my mind.
I wanted to stop seeing that goddamn white ceiling and breathe in that hospital air that had been filling my lungs for weeks.
Or maybe months?
I don't know. I even didn't know, what year it is. Was it January 1st already? Have you at least texted me?
You probably didn't come. You must have spent this New Year on stage.
Somewhere in my head there is a memory in the fog. The memory of the mirror I looked into. I think it was in the bathroom. I stood leaning against the white sink and stared at my pale face and the roots on my hair.
Then I was on the floor again. Cold. White. In hospital.
But the doctors said it was better now. I was in such good condition that they could reduce my dose of medication.
Awesome.
But I woke up again to see a white ceiling. I was still here. Still in the hospital. Still alone.
"Oh, you're awake" I heard suddenly and turned in the direction of this voice.
You were sitting on the chair. Your long hair fell over your shoulders, the green ends contrasted perfectly with the blackness of your clothes and the whiteness around.
"It's good, because I brought you something" you said, giving me some book. "When you'll feel better, you can read it."
You smiled and patted my head.
"I have to go" you said, standing up. "We'll talk, when you won't mumble under your breath about pink unicorns in maid's outfits. These drugs are strong... Well, see you later."
It's been the first memory, which wasn't blurry. Black and green among whiteness everywhere.
You started walking towards the door, but I grabbed your hand and stopped you.
Your hand was warm.
"What?" you looked at me, confused. "What happened?"
"Stay" I said as loud, as I could in my condition back then.
"I can't" you smiled apologizely. "You have to forgive me, but I can't."
I pulled you to me and you fell on the bed.
"I seriously can't" you repeated. "Can you let me go?"
I didn't want to let you go. I wanted to make you stay or take me with you.
Because I wanted to hug you all the time, not only now.
"What are you doing?" you asked. "I have to go, seriously."
I let you go. You smiled once again and left my room.
This memory is colorful. Clear. And vivid.
Memory lapses were over. The waiting has begun.
Now I knew calendar date. I already knew, how many days have passed since your last visit.
Memories slowly regained colour. Not only with you, although these had the most vivid colours.
And one day, after you have just left, I jumped out of bed, grabbed the drip stand and followed you out into the hall as much as possible.
"Haru!" I called you.
You turned back, surprised.
Maybe you wanted to ask, what happened. Or maybe you wanted to scold me for running. Or maybe for leaving my bed.
But you didn't have time to say anything, because your just slightly repealed lips have been closed by mine.
Maybe it wasn't the smartest thing, but I didn't care back then.
And you didn't care as well, because you kissed me back.
The ceiling was still white. Hospital pajamas too.
But behind a window I saw first flowers and green trees.
Spring finally came.
The end
