Thunderstorm

Band: D=OUT&DIV

Pairing: Satoshi&Shougo, mentioned Naoto&Shougo

Rating: 17+

Genre: comedy, melodrama

Warnings: brief violence

Note: Naoto meets Shougo during an interview and his mind flips, because he's still not over him.

Good thing that he has some control over his emotions, not like some other people.

When Reika was arranging an interview with Kouki and me at NicoNico, I didn't protest. Another meeting where you will have to talk about new releases for a bit. Nothing special.

Worse, it turned out that not only our band was invited.

DIV was invited too.

And of course Shougo and Satoshi had to volunteer.

I have nothing against spending time with bandmates. Or spending time with Shougo. But Satoshi on the other hand...

I think he's seriously suspicious. As if he would leave the band as soon as he dislikes something.

Worse, Shougo is completely crazy about him and sees no signs that there is something wrong with the drummer.

"Hi~!" Kouki greeted them and hugged them both.

Satoshi looked like he had a stroke, Shougo just laughed and hugged Kouki back.

"Hi, Naoto" he said, smiling fondly, when Kouki let him go.

"Hello, Shougo" I replied.

Satoshi didn't say anything. Nor to me and Kouki. 

All I could see was that all he was focused on was not to grab Shougo's hand or hug him.

You can always explain it with a fanservice, man, if you happen to be caught by a photographer.

Really.

I know what I'm saying.

I sat down next to Kouki who took his seat next to Satoshi. Shougo sat next to him and the broadcast could finally begin.

I've been trying to think about my girlfriend and our date tonight. I forced myself to focus on interviewer's questions and on Chou's short, green dress, which she bought recently. She probably would wear these thigh highs with it as usual.

But I've known already that I lost again. That again, after meeting with Shougo, after seeing his smile and probably after going for a beer with him later, when I get home, I'm gonna break another innocent, female heart.

I can't get over him. Even after all these years.

"So, you're in D=OUT now, Naoto?" Shougo asked me after the interview.

We were still sitting on our chairs. It was good, because if we weren't, my mind would become more chaotic than ever.

"Yes. I'm trying to be the good replacement for Minase" I smiled friendly.

"You shouldn't be a replacement, Naoto" Shougo got up and pushed his chair up to the table top. "You should be yourself. It's the best for you."

He shouldn't have said it. Not because I felt nice and the same time painful sting in my heart, but because I didn't know that Satoshi could frown as much.

"You know, Shogo, I don't want to be mean, but just being himself might not be enough for him sometimes, right?" he looked at me with disdain, this time grabbing Shougo's hand and squeezing it a little too tightly, because my childhood friend yanked it out with indignation on his face.

Eventually he was mad because of this unreasonable jealousy.

"Be careful because you can ruin everything by just being yourself" I said before I could think what I was saying.

Kouki looked at Satoshi then at me.

"You don't know Shogo like I do. Nobody knows him that well" Satoshi pushed Kouki away, who swayed slightly and blinked in confusion.

"You think you know Shougo better than I do?" I asked, frowning. "Do you know, how old we had been, when we met for the first time?"

"I don't care" he muttered, clenching his palms into fists.

Is he gonna hit me?

"STOP!" shouted Kouki, pushing us from each other. "I don't know, what's going on, but stop already. Or Reika won't let you go home for a week, Naoto."

"Chobi won't let you as well" said Shougo quietly. "Satoshi, stop."

That moron just looked at him and sighed.

"Ugh, okay" he snorted, turning around and leaving the room.

"Satoshi, wait!" called him Shougo, following him.

Kouki was still keeping a hand on my shoulder.

"What the hell is going on?" he asked.

"Shougo is my ex. And it seems that someone knows about it and has a problem with it" I explained.

"Geez" Kouki shook his head with disapproval. "But I have to admit that I'm amazed."

"By what?" I was confused.

"For the first time I saw him showing any emotions" explained Kouki, making me laugh.

After we said goodbye to the journalist, I thought that nothing would surprise me anymore. Kouki went to do something else and I headed for the exit.

Yet something surprised me. Satoshi was standing by the wall and he seemed to be waiting for us.

"Shogo went out to smoke. I don't feel like inhaling this poison" he said, even if I didn't ask him.

Just like I didn't make him grab my shirt and hit me against the wall.

...my back.

Wait, what?!

"What the hell are you doing?" I looked at Satoshi, confused.

"Don't call, don't send messages, don't talk with him. Just pretend that you don't exist" he growled.

"What?"

"You heard me. Stay away from Shogo. He's mine now and he'll never be yours again" he drawled through his teeth. "Do you understand?"

"Dude, I have a girlfriend. Calm down."

I didn't lie to him. I really still had a girlfriend.

"You don't love her" he said.

Who is he, the soothsayer? The clairvoyant?

"You'll break up with her soon."

"Where did this idea come from?" I was surprised.

"I heard about you changing girls like shoes. Why, are you bored, because they're not like my lover?" the tone of his voice was really disturbing.

"You're silly " I said.

"Naoto?" Kouki approached us.

Satoshi let me go and walked away.

I smoothered my shirt. What the hell happened here?

"Can't you be left for five minutes?" sighed Kouki. "What did he want again?"

"Make rules about talking to Shougo" I replied.

"What rules?"

"There's one: don't do this" I shrugged.

"But you made him realize you're taken?"

"Yes."

Kouki hit his face with his hand.

"We should go already, before he throws you into the sewer or something" he grabbed my arm and started to walk into his car's direction.

What a stupid moron...

But he was right about one thing. I don't love my girlfriend.

I love Shogo. For all this time, constantly, since ten years...

The end

Illusion

Band: Alice Nine&Kagrra,

Pairing: mentioned Tora&Akiya

Rating: 17+

Genre: romance

Warnings: references to addiction, references to depression

Note: A dialogue between Akiya and his sister-in-law, explaining, what really happened in the past.

* * *

Sayuri is my headcanon name for Aoi's sister. I also have headcanon that she's Akiya's sister-in-law. She was mentioned before in my other fics, especially in my "Vanilla&Raspberry" series.

"...and she got medicine. It's working" said my sister-in-law, pulling a box from her bag. "I have it just in case she'll forget."

I took the package from her and looked at it. I knew these pills. And they actually worked well.

Too well.

"You know the dose, right?" I asked.

"Yes. Three pills daily" replied Sayuri. "My brother used to take it. After our dad's death."

"One. Maybe two. After three some strange things start to happen" I gave her back the package. "I think that you don't want to know, what things."

"Oh" Sayuri hid the pills in her bag. "Is it so bad?"

"Yes. Especially when you take it longer" I confirmed. "You can... Hmm... Have something  like a group hallucination. You can see the things that don't exist. Hear voices, even feel someone's touch... You know, like schizophrenics."

"And this hallucinations last long?" asked Sayuri.

"Until you're taking the pills" I replied. "And when you stop... Well. You suddenly realize that all this time it was only illusion and..."

"And?" Sayuri seemed worried.

"You regret it" I laughed fakely. "You really regret that it was only an illusion. That it wasn't real. But you're happy, anyway."

"Happy? Why?" my sister-in-law was confused.

"Because you realize that these situations would be the same, if they were real. Because you know these people" I shrugged. "And it's a good feeling. That you know someone so well."

"Have you been taking these pills for a long time?" she asked finally.

"About a year and a half" I replied, standing up, because I wanted to make some tea. "Keiyu became addicted to it."

"Oh" Sayuri was really worried now. "Addicted?"

"Yes" I confirmed. "You know, everything that gives you happiness in rainy days, can become addiction. No matter, if it's alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, pills or trope in story, which makes you happy. Everything is for people, but if you lose yourself in it, what is it for?"

"Right" Sayuri nodded.

I went to get the tea and came back after a moment.

"Your tea" I gave her a cup.

"Thank you" she smiled a little. "In addition to that year and a half, have you ever taken them again?"

"In December, I took a few at once. It wasn't smart" I laughed. "Don't do it at home."

"It was so bad?" she asked.

I shook my head.

"It was too good" I corrected. "But it was that moment, in which I needed to relax. To realize that Masashi won't leave me. Even if a only a ghost of my best friend, who I only imagined, told me this..."

The end

Too much light causes blindness

Band: D=OUT&Acme (ex. xTRiPx)

Pairing: Naoto&Shougo, mentioned Satoshi&Shougo

Rating: 17+

Genre: soft angst

Warnings: -

Note: Shougo explains, why he broke up with Naoto.

Prequel to "Old new love".

I asked someone about something stupid.

"Yoshito, do you sometimes have a feeling that your relationship is too ideal?"

And this person answered me in ecually stupid way.

"Ya usually don't talk about these things, Shougo. Ya must have some serious reason, hm?" he looked at me from behind his sunglasses, sat on the sofa and opened a beer can. "What are ya expectin' from me?"

"I don't know..." I replied quietly.

"Ya know, ideal relationships don't exist" he mumbled. "In our times even relationships don't exist. Luv is somethin' that our parents knew, but when I look at all these divorced aunties, I'm not so sure. And we? D'ya really think that we can fall in luv?"

"I love Naoto" I said firmly.

Or at least I wish I said it firmly.

"Ya voice is tremblin'" Yoshito sat down straddling and leaned back comfortably. "Listen, dude. Ya luv my bro. Okay. But d'ya think that for what he needs this studio apartament, which he rents to students?"

"Studio apartament?" I repeated.

"Yup, this studio apartament, where he lived until two of ya started datin" Yoshito drank half the can in one gulp and wiped his mouth with his hand. "He didn't tell ya that he still has it?"

"No..." I was so confused for the first time in my life.

Later, when I was with Satoshi, I was confused all the time.

"So he has luvers" Yoshito shrugged. "I have too. And K has. Evryone has. It's normal. We're rockers. We sleep around with fans mostly. With women and men. And sometimes with someone where I don't know what the hell they are."

"But... But this is Naoto. He wouldn't..."

"Cheat on ya? Oh, Shougo, don't be naive" Yoshito sipped the last drops of beer and pulled out cigarettes from his pocket. "Ya actin' as a fangirl that found out that her idol isn't a virgin."

"But it's Naoto!"

"And what?" Yoshito put one cigarette in his mouth. "My bro isn't some little god. Besides, ya talkin' with me, right? So I think that ya suspect somethin'."

"Yes, but..."

"Ya didn't ask me about it only for hearin' that ya Naoto is a saint and his penis bugs only ya bum, right?" Yoshito lit a cigarette and inhaled the smoke.

I wanted to point out to him that he should go outside with the cigarette, because even though I smoke too, I don't want to smell his stinky cigarettes in this room.

I wanted it, because Yoshito smokes indecently strong cigarettes and even this smoke irritated my sinuses and throat.

But I couldn't. I just stared at him as if he told me the Earth was triangular. And worse, my blind mind, panicked and, as Yoshito himself stated, naively believed everything.

"Oi, dude, are ya ok?" Yoshito waved his hand in front of my eyes, then took another puff and exhaled a cloud of gray smoke from his mouth. "Ya look like I made ya realize where brats come from."

Maybe I should talk to Naoto then. But all I could say about it was asking him, if he really hadn't sold his studio apartament.

And of course I got a positive answer. He saw no problem with it and I uttered words that I have regretted until today. That should never fall out of my mouth.

"It's okay. You won't be homeless then."

I remember a sadness in his eyes, when he finally understood, what I am talking about. But it's Naoto, so he only smiled and didn't ask, why. He just nodded and asked if I could help him with moving.

The interpretation of this was obvious to me at the time. He realized that I knew about his cheating. But now I'm aware of the fact that I was blind. The fact that our relationship was so great that we practically didn't argue at all, that it was downright boring and too good wasn't the result of pretending to be the most tender partner in the world. Naoto didn't want to hide a fact that he cheated on me. It was just love.

And I, like a real idiot, destroyed it.

The end

Weakness

Band: Alice Nine&Kagrra,

Pairing: Tora&Akiya

Rating: 17+

Genre: soft angst, hurt/comfort

Warnings: heart attack

Note: Written after Tora's heart attack.

He doesn't remember a lot from the previous day. Just some flashbacks.

Calling, information and a sudden change of his position. More precisely, he changed his position from vertical to horizontal. He woke up after a while, feeling someone patting him on the cheek. He didn't even know Shin knew so well about first aid and sedatives.

He spent all day with a cup of lemon balm tea in his hands. He knows it, because he still can feel a taste of lemon balm in his mouth. He still has it in his thermos. Now he's sitting in the waiting room, thinking about this horribble situation. How did the trivial pains in the sternum end up with open-heart surgery?

He's looking at the ceiling. Nao is making the most phonecalls to him today. Their Nao, Naoki Yamada, not Naoyuki Murai.

Nao knows. He knows well. Too well.

Even if he repeats to himself that everything is gonna be okay, he doesn't believe it. He doesn't believe in it, because it happened in the past. He remembers this moment, when he found Isshi and he remembers his cold skin. He remembers everything. Even a taste of his tears that day. Even the fact that then they all fell into a collective hallucination caused by a side effect of pills and the strong belief that the Shinohara wouldn't have left them like that.

He closes his eyes. Tora is gonna be okay. It's just a routine operation and he already woke up from anesthesia. But they still don't let him see his beloved. After all, he is just a friend. An ordinary friend, not a family.

He won't see Tora first anyway. Shou announced that he would do it. He promised to tell them everything. That he would calm them down.

It's hard to believe him, because his hands are trembling so much. But maybe he's right. Maybe they will stop trembling, when Tora will talk with him.

Izumi and Shin are sitting next to him. Izumi on his right and Shin on his left. They talk less than Naoki on the phone anyway, but they are here. They wouldn't leave their friend in this situation.

Hiroto is walking through the corridor, trampling a tiled path. You can hear his nervous footsteps. Even Saga doesn't want to joke this time. Nobody wants to joke. Nao even doesn't smile. He's just sitting here, lost in thoughts, not caring about Hiroto, who talks to him everytime, when he passes by.

They're waiting. Seven of them and Naoki on the other side of the phone. They're getting a lof of warming words through direct messages, short messages and phone calls. The first was Aoi. No, not Aoi from the Gazette. This Aoi from Ayabie, who took Naoki's phone from him and said that if Tora led Akiya to a state like Isshi Nao, he would remember him badly.

In fact, Kazuhiro never heard that Aoi was ever so upset about anything, except when things were really bad in his life.

Shou enters Tora's room first, as he told them. He came back after a short moment. He knows that he has time, but Akiya needs to talk with Tora more than him. But Kagrra,'s ex-guitarist doesn't want to talk. He only hugs his beloved one and closes his eyes. He waits as Tora hugs him too and sighs, mumbling that he doesn't want to see him in this state again. That he doesn't want to be so scared again. He doesn't know if Tora understands him. Because of the tightened throat, he speaks with such difficulty that he can hardly hear himself.

But when he feels Masashi's hand, stroking his hair, he knows that everything will be alright. He's Tora, isn't he? It's Tora with whom Akiya feels safe. It's Tora in whose arms he regains his calm.

Even if the weak Tora's heart is beating much quieter now, it still has for whom.

The end