Lonelines is sometimes just an illusion

Band: Kagrra,

Pairing: Isshi&Nao

Rating: 17+

Genre: slice of Life, angst

Warnings: paranormal existence, death

Note: "People asked me for half of my life if I'm feeling lonely. If I don't want to find someone to replace you. I wouldn't be able to find anyone to replace you. It's impossible. I cannot give away my heart to someone else. You'd have to give it back to me first."

I remember that day like through the fog.

Information, running, letters, the sound of knees hitting the floor.

Later it only got worse. I felt like in a trance. I heard your voice, I saw your smile, I felt your hands on my shoulders. People passed me by like shadows, like they didn't even exist. They spoke to me, but I didn't hear them. Sometimes I thought they're screaming at me, but I didn't pay attention to them. This lasted for two weeks.

"Have you ever thought about how wpuld it be to live alone?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You know what I'm talking about."

"You're saying I should imagine what would it be like if we'd break up? We went through it once. It seemed to do us some good, but no one knows how it could end for us."

"If it didn't end like that? If we wouldn't find you back then?"

"Yamiyo, listen. There's a lot of time left to my death. You'll wave to live with me for tens of years."

"Shino..."

"Yes?"

"You promise you'll outlive me?"

"Why do you ask me this?"

"I cannot imagine a life without you. When I try, you appear in it anyway."

"You really worry about such things all the time? Focus on the present, Yamiyo. It's the most important time. There's no future without present time."

We had this conversation long ago. We had no idea you were wrong. No one knew and Miss Death was already around the corner, waiting for a moment to start chasing you.

I remember how I broke out from under the caring wings our friends. I went to the empty house. Maybe not quite empty, because Otaki instantly climbed on my lap and your other pets looked at me in confusion. Like they wanted to know why I didn't bring you home with me. Those were only pets. They wouldn't understand even if I explained it to them. I, myself, didn't understand it. I was so scared of the silence around me I had no strenght to talk with anyone.

Loneliness. Even though everyone called me and came to visit, to talk... I felt lonely anyway. Like my soul had died with you and left the empty body behind.

I visited the cementary everyday. This became my habit since we buried you. Every day about the same time I was standing over your grave. On the hour Akiya and Tora have found you.

I tried not to cry, but I couldn't take it anymore that day. Two months have passed already and I was still thinking about your words.

"You'll never be lonely again, Yamiyo. Or at least I won't leave you alone."

You left me. You left me and went to the other side, not taking me with you or at least letting me know that you'll go there. Why didn't you tell me?

I fell on my knees. I didn't know what was going on with me for the last few hours. I made myself some tea, then completely forgot about it. Windows closed by themselves, dogs were barking for no reason. I woke up in bed, even though I fell asleep on the couch. I woke up for a moment at night and I felt your touch and heard your calming voice.

"Sleep, I'm with you."

This was bigger than me. Everything about it was bigger than me. I started crying out of hopelesness, because I wasn't and won't ever be a God to be able to bring you back to life. This will never happen.

But then I felt your hand on my shoulder. I turned around and I saw you. You were smiling and I started t wonder if it was really you.

You stayed with me. You didn't leave this time.

You started telling about this to different people. Some of them believed and some didn't. One person went insane and a few years later they committed suicide.

Yes, he killed himself. He didn't know suicide victims will never see the light. He didn't even believe there's life after death, so he had no clue he'll get punished for killing himself. Sad, but true.

Every time I came to his grave, he asked me to help him get out from that flat, where some higher force held him and let him on the cementary only when someone visited him. Sadly, I couldn't help him.

Well, do you remember his funeral, Shino? His mother fainted in the arms of his father. His brother kept his face covered with his hands, bandmates didn't now what to do with themselves. Later you told me, he was standing there, shocked, but not feeling any compassion towards anyone. He realized what had he done only after you told him.

People asked me for half of my life if I'm feeling lonely. If I don't want to find someone to replace you. You even asked me about this yourself. How many uears have passed from your death back then. Ten? Eleven? Something like that, right?

"Sometimes I feel bad about the way I treated Aoi back then. Maybe you'd be happy with him..."

"Are you a dummy? I'd rather be with you, Shino. Even if you're a ghost. I'd be with you even if you didn't come back. I wouldn't be able to find anyone to replace you. It's impossible. I cannot give away my heart to someone else."

"Why?"

"You have it. You'd have to give it back to me first."

Remember? You froze back then. You let me out and I didn't know, why. I looked for you in the dark until I finally touched you. You were crying. When I asked why, you said you had no idea someone could love you so much.

I died a few days after one of your death anniversaries.

"It's a starrless night, Shino."

"I see."

"All stars have disappeared."

"I'd say they appeared."

"Right. Maybe one finally should appear?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm sleepy."

"Should I carry you to the beedroom?"

I shook my head and closed my eyes.

"You know, Shino?"

"Yes, Yamiyo?"

I stood next to you, while you were still looking at my body.

"I love you, Shinohara."

You looked at me, shocked.

"Your soul is young."

"So is yours. It's even younger than your body when you died, honey."

"Do souls age only to a certain moment?"

"Apparently. Let's go look for our friends."

They weren't mad we're going away. Emotions took over them only just at my funeral.

"They will also die one day. Look, Akiya's hair is almost white, Shin's health is acting up and Izumi is hardly walking. Don't worry. They'll join us soon."

Put rose boquet on the grave and grabbed your hand.

"Together?"

"Always."

I don't know what I'll see on the other side, behind the warm light, we're running through. I only know I won't be alone there.

The end

Advertisement

Band: Kagrra, Alice Nine, THE KIDDIE, D=OUT, vistlip, MoNoLith, D, Lack-Co., Sadie, Nightmare, D'espairsRay, Anli Pollicino, ViViD, Kra, Lustknot., Dir en grey, 168 -one sixty eight-, Migimimi sleep tight, THE MICRO HEAD 4N'S

Pairing: Isshi&Nao, Izumi&Shin, Tora&Akiya, Saga&Shou, Nao&Hiroto, Yusa&Yuusei, Sorao&Yuudai, Minase&Jun, Reika&Hikaru, Kouki&Ibuki, Tomo&Tohya, Umi&Yuh, Rui&Shuhei, Takafumi&Hayato, Ryu&Keita, Asagi&Ruiza, Hiroki&Hide-zou, Tsunehito&San, Tsurugi&Kei, Mao&Mizuki, Hitsugi&Yomi, Ruka&Sakito, Karyu&Zero, Tsukasa&Hizumi, Masatoshi&Yo-ichi, Kiyozumi&Takuma, Shin&Shindy, Ivu&Ko-ki, Ryoga&Reno, Yasuno&Yuhra, Keiyu&Mai, Satoshi&Takuya, Yuki&Sino, Die&Toshiya, Kyo&Shinya, Aoi&Ryohei, Kazuya&Ricky

Rating: 17+

Genre: comedy, parody

Warnings: -

Note: How does adawinry see each pairing? Take the trip to the bathroom as an example.

 "Save water, bathe with your girlfriend!"

* * *

Nao: Shino?

Isshi: Don't even think about it.

Nao: But Shino... *puppy eyes*

Isshi: Lavender or rose oil?

* * *

Izumi: Hashi, I bought you a yogurt.

Shin: Should I fill the bathtub with water?

* * *

Tora: Aki, I bought you vanilla scented bubble bath!

Akiya: What are you doing? Does it have anything to do with that commercial?

Tora: No, absolutely not.

Akiya: Let's go to the bathroom, you silly.

* * *

Saga: Kazuma, sunshine. I was shopping and I bought you all the soy milk flavors.

Shou: The bathtub is mine, Sakamoto.

* * *

Hiroto: What's in it for me?

Nao: Whatever you want.

Hiroto: "Dragon Ball" marathon and you're explaining Shou, why we skipped the band practice.

Nao: I could offer a dinner...

* * *

Yuusei: Ryohei, come on!

Yusa: Don't jump or you'll...

Yuusei: *slips on the the tiles*

Yusa: ...trip and fall.

* * *

Sorao: Yuudai, come on.

Yuudai: No.

Sorao: I'll give you a cookie.

Yuudai: *facepalm* Who am I living with?

* * *

Jun: Are we going?

Minase: Yes!

* * *

Reika: Come with me.

Hikaru: Okay, but don't put your selfie on Twitter after that.

Reika: Hikaru!

Hikaru: I go, I go.

* * *

Ibuki: Why are you carrying me?

Kouki: It's more romantic that way.

Ibuki: Honey, I don't need romance. I need sex. Now.

* * *

Tomo: Matsu?

Tohya: But you're providing me instant noodles for a year.

Tomo: Are you crazy?!

* * *

Umi: Umm, Yuu?

Yuh: Yes?

Umi: Uhh...

Yuh: Fill the bathtub.

* * *

Rui: *trips on a doorway*

Shuhei: *trips on Rui*

Rui: I guess that's it.

* * *

Takafumi: Hayato, can we take a bath together?

Hayato: I was about to ask you the same!

* * *

Ryu: Keita, follow me to the bathroom.

Keita: But I am seme.

Ryu: In your dreams, love. Come here.

* * *

Ruiza: Takahiro?

Asagi: Yoshiyuki?

Ruiza: So no?

Asagi: My uke is smart.

* * *

Hide-zou: *slips on the tiles and falls down*

Hiroki: Should I call an ambulance?

* * *

San: What do you think, Tsune? If my hair is blue and yours is red, will the water turn purple?

Tsunehito: Yes. Well treat it as our child and name Murasaki-chan.

* * *

Kei: Kenyo, for what do you need that phone?

Tsurugi: I need to post something on Twitter, right?

Kei: And maybe add a yellow rubber ducky?

Tsurugi: Good idea!

* * *

Mizuki: Masao, maybe we should turn the light off and light some candles?

Mao: In your dreams.

* * *

Yomi: Did something happen, Ikari?

Hitsugi: I wonder how long do I need to be underwater to get my piercing rusty.

Yomi: Better go buy that bubble bath, before they close the shop.

* * *

Sakito: *grabs Ruka's hand*

Ruka: *follows Sakito with poker face*

* * *

Karyu: Michio?

Zero: Yoshi, sunshine. No one's gonna fit in that bathtub with you. Do I have to sit on your lap?

* * *

Hizumi: *pulls Tsukasa's sleeve*

Tsukasa: I was thinking about that.

* * *

Yo-ichi: Masa-chan, Masa-chan!

Masatoshi: Only if you won't get into the washing machine.

* * *

Kiyozumi: Takuma, honey...

Takuma: There's practice tomorrow.

Kiyozumi: So tomorrow.

Takuma: There's practice the day after tomorrow. And there'll be practices as long as you won't change your mind.

* * *

Shindy: Akihide, where are you?

Shin: *waves his hand from under the pile of towels*

Shindy: *pretends to write a note* Day tweenty ninth. Akihide drowned in the towels for the third time.

* * *

Ko-ki: Maybe I'm a sexoholic, but a bathtub is a private space and...

Ivu: *lifts Ko-ki and carries him to the bathroom*

Ko-ki: Who did I try to argue with?

* * *

Reno: Tensei, are we going?

Ryoga: No.

Reno: Do you still think I know the word "no"?

* * *

Yuhra: Come take a bath.

Yasuno: No way! My hair will get curly!

* * *

Keiyu: Are you coming or not?

Mai: I don't really have a choice...

* * *

Satoshi: Takuya, water is getting cold.

Takuya: Wait a minute, I cannot take a picture.

Satoshi: Kami-sama...

* * *

Yuki: Sino?

Sino: No.

Yuki: Did someone ask you?

* * *

Toshiya: *grabs Die's arm and pulls him into the bathroom*

Die: I need to sell the TV.

* * *

Kyo: Shinya?

Shinya: I washed Miyu today.

Kyo: Nevermind then.

* * *

Ryohei: *looks at Aoi*

Aoi: I'm not your girlfriend.

Ryohei: But you're mine.

Aoi: No, honey. You're mine. Now let's go to the bathroom.

* * *

Kazuya: Poochie poochie, get in the bathtub.

Ricky: I can't. I'm waiting for the UFO.

* * *

The end

Love counselor

Band: Alice Nine, with Kagrra,, ViViD and Anli Pollicino in the background

Pairing: Saga&Shou, mentioned Isshi&Nao, Tora&Akiya, Shin&Shindy

Rating: 17+

Genre: comedy

Warnings: -

Note: Shou didn't want to become some love counselor, but his friends think that he's perfect on this position.

*ding dong*

Shou got off the couch and approached the door. He knew very well who was it.

"Hello" Isshi smiled lightly. "Will you let me in or are we going to talk here?"

"Come in, you meanie" Shou invited him with the motion of his hand. "I'll make us some tea."

Shou sat in an armchair and looked at Isshi with anticipation.

"Will you finally tell me who is it about?" he asked, when his friend didn't react.

"About Nao" Isshi gave a short reply. "He's acting a bit weird, don't you think?"

"Your Nao?" Isshi nodded his head. "Weird, you say. So you're worried about him. That's why you came here?"

"It's complicated" said Isshi.

"For you?" Shou laughted. "This is the first time I hear something is not easy for you."

"It's complicated, because I'm starting to act weird and it's getting annoying" explained Isshi.

Shou froze for a brief moment.

"You fell in love?" Shou's eyes became larger than normally.

"Is it that weird?" asked Isshi, fiddling his fingers.

"No" Shou laughed. "But you know. You're a vocalist. I always thought we know how to express our feelings."

"Well, looks like I'm an exception."

"You're scared."

"I'm not scared!" said Isshi.

"Don't tell lies, Isshi. Everyone is scared" Shou smiled lightly. "Just tell him about it. I have good feelings about this situation. Now drink your tea before it gets cold."

*ding dong*

"What now?" Shou got up from the bed and approached the door.

When he opened it, he saw Tora.

"Help me or I'll go crazy" said Tora.

"Amano Masashi, you incompetent human, it's 3AM. At this hour people sleep" Shou eyed Tora. "I know you're not 100% Japanese, but I'd like to let you know this is not normal situation."

"So I'm crazy?" Tora leaned on a door frame. " I didn't sleep for two days. Help me."

"If tomorrow we'll be unconscious on a practice, I'll kill you" Shou gave out a deep sigh.

Shou poured some tea into two cups and put them on the table.

"What's bothering you?"

"That's the problem. I don't know" said Tora. "Well... Shou. have you ever fell in love with a guy? It's surreal. You cannot love someone of the same gender or at least I cannot do it. Did you know Isshi and Nao are together? They are kissing. Did you understand that?"

"Tora, are you by any chance drunk?" Shou asked, hardly stoping himself from laughter.

"I'm not drunk. I'm scared" corrected him Tora.

"That's what so scary to you? Isshi's and Nao's happiness?" asked Shou. "If you want to know, I had a hand in the fact that both of them finally got together..."

"Not them. I scare myself" Tora exhaled.

"Kami, Tora, can you be more clear? I'm the vocalist here and I have no idea what are you talking about" Shou sighed.

"I feel warm when I see Akiya and I can't stop looking at his smile" explained Tora.

"And?"

"Is this normal? He's a dude, right? And I'm straight, right? Then what's going on?"

"Tora, how old are you?"

"Huh?"

"How old are you?" Shou smiled. "Twelve? FIfteen? Because no way you're almost thirty."

"Shou!"

"You'll wake up my neighbours, stop screaming" Shou smacked Tora's head. "Look around, Amano. There are mostly gays and bisexuals among musicians. Not a lot of straight people. Maybe Kaoru fro DIr en grey. Do you love Akiya? That's good, I'm happy. Tell him so everyone will live happily ever after. Now drink your tea and go to sleep or else Nao will kill us for being zombies on a band practice."

*ding dong*

"Good morning, Shou-san" Shin smiled. "Come in, please."

"They should pay me for doing this" said Shou, closing the doors behind him. "What happened, Shin-kun?"

"Have you ever fallen in love with someone you don't get to see around too often?" asked Shin, attempting to sit in the armchair, but judging the distance badly and falling down.

"No, and you could try to not kill yourself when I'm around" Shou smiled. "I don't want to go to prison."

"You really spent too much time with Isshi" said Shin. "I mean... I'll go make some tea!"

Shin got up rapidly and ran to the kitchen. Shou looked at him.

"No, Shou. Now is not the time for self-pity" he muttered to himself.

"Here you go" Shin came back after a while and put a blue mug with flower pattern in front of Shou.

Kazuma laughted quietly.

"So will you explain me why did you fall in love with someone unavalible again?" asked Shou, picking up the mug.

"That's not my fault" complained Shin.

"Man or woman?"

"Man... In theory" Shin laughed.

"So it's a guy in a dress, huh?" Shou smiled. "At least he won't get pregnant with other guy like Bunko or turns out to be a lesbian like Miyuki. And won't curse you for your orientation like Junko. He also sound like someone from our scene, so at least he won't run away only because you're a vocalist, like Mitsuki did. What are you waiting for, Shin?"

"You remember all my girlfriends?" asked Shin.

"Believe me, somehow I remember  everyone that clung to your arm when you opened me doors. But the nicest one so far was Mitsuru. Why did you two break up?"

"I told you, he got bored" Shin sighed. "But we're still in touch. He calls me with his problems and I call him with mine."

"And with falling in love with mister Y you couldn't, because...?"

"Yes. I'm gonna call my ex to ask him how to make someone take his place. That would be embarrasing" said Shin.

"He was the one who left you."

"It was mutual. Anyway, it's not about Mitsuru. It's about Shindy."

"Anli Pollicino's Shindy?" asked Shou.

Shin nodded his head.

"You would match each other."

"Kazuma, you forgot to close the door. They'll rob us again!" Saga stormed into Shin's flat. "Sorry for barging in, but my forgetful uke doesn't understand the purpose of door keys. Are you giving love advice again, Kazuma? Aren't you bored?"

"No" Shou shook his head. "Shin, it'll be the best if you try to confess Shindy your feelings. Now drink your tea. It's probably cold by now."

*ding dong*

"Leave them alone" Saga pulled Shou's hand, when he tried to get off the couch. "You don't have to do this. Leave them alone. They'll be fine."

"You know, Sakamoto? It makes me feel good when I help them" Shou kissed his cheek and left the room.

"You could talk to me, though. Because I'm starting to have doubts, Kazuma" muttered Saga, opening the newspaper.

"Shou, help me please!"

"Come in, I'll make some tea."

The end

Pierukku

Band: The Micro Head 4N'S

Pairing: KazuyaxRicky, mentioned KaryuxZero

Rating: 17+

Genre: comedy

Warnings: -

Note: "Pierukku" is D'espairsRay's way to say Polish word "pierogi".

(It's old story from 2013, that's why Ricky is here, not Ameno or even Nimo.)

"Tsu, Tsu, Tsu!" Zero hanged on Tsukasa's arm. "Let's order pierukku!"

"Zero, get away from me." Tsukasa pushed away Zero to a safe distance. "I'm not Karyu to let you touch me that way."

"Could someone explain what's "pierukku"?" asked Ricky, sitting by one of the tables.

"It's a delicious dough with a delicious filling and it's just delicious." explained Zero, with his arms supporting his head.

"He's always like that?" Kazuya pointed to bassist, who started to swing on his chair with a delighted face.

"Only when he hears about pierukku or Polish vodka." explained Tsukasa, opening the menu.

"Oh, pierukku!" Zero looked from behind Tsukasa's arm. "Tsu, look! A plate of pierukku! Let's order all kinds of fillings!"

"Wait." Tsukasa sighed and pulled out his phone, then called somewhere. "Here, talk."

Zero took the cellphone from him and went on and on about dumplings' fillings, which went untill the waiter didn't bring them their food.

"Pierukku!" Zero put away the phone with such force it fell apart.

"Can I hit him with a chair?" asked Shun, looking at Zero devouring the dumplings.

"Don't worry, he'll order another plate and we'll don't have to worry about him for some time." answered Tsukasa, putting together his phone.

" I hope so." sighed Ricky, eating his dumplings with strawberry and whipped cream.

"You're not hungry?" asked Shun.

"What?" asked Ricky.

"Give me this." Kazuya took away his fork and lifted half of a dumpling with it. "Ricky, Ricky, plane is landing."

Zero stopped eating his dumplings and everyone else started to laugh. Ricky looked at Kazuya with confusion and took back his fork.

" I'll manage." he said, going back to eating his dumplings.

"Karyu let himself be feed." Zero reminded Tsukasa. "Remember?"

"Karyu, my dear Zero, was madly in love with you." reminded him Tsukasa.

Ricky chocked.

"How about door?" Shun showed the exit to Ricky and Kazuya. "Now. Go back in five minutes or don't go back at all."

"Let's go." Kazuya grabbed Ricky's sleeve and pulled him up from his chair.

Zero waited for a while, then he stormed for the window.

"Not yet." he said after a while. "Not yet. Wait a moment, yes! He kissed him!"

"Thank you for telling us about it." Tsukasa laughted. "Go back to the table. Ricky will kill you if he'll know."

"What if I'll tell him it was cute how he stood on his toes to kiss Kazu?" asked Zero.

"What?" Shun turned around surprised. "Out shorty built up courage to do this?"

"Zero, sit. Shun, be quiet." ordered Tsukasa.

"Tsu, they're going somewhere." said Zero. "Tsu, they left. Tsu?"

"Yes?"

"Can I eat their portions?"

Thukasa laughted and Shun hit his face with his palm.

Zero didn't pay attention to them. He was too busy eating vocalist's dumplings.

The end