I Won't Say

Band: DIV

Pairing: Chobi&Chisa

Rating: 17+

Genre: romance

Warnings: -

Note: Chobi is like Megara from "Hercules".

He won't say that he loves Chisa.

I remember this first impulse which told me that I should ask you if everything is okay. I remember your sad smile, which you sent me and nodded and I said that I believe you. Later you admitted that something was bothering you, but this thing was trivial and we could quickly solve it.

But the impulse came more and more often and I didn't understand what was happening. For almost thirty years, I was sure that I was straight and didn't allow myself to think that this could be something stronger than friendship.

"Chobi, please" Shougo sighed, looking at me as he wanted something.

We shared a room that day. You were in the other room with this i... Ehem, with Satoshi.

"What do you want from me? I have to buy you a fourth dog or something?" I asked, confused.

Shougo groaned miserably and covered his face with a pillow.

"What?"

"I'm talking about Chisa" he said firmly, throwing his pillow at me. "About Chisa, dummy. You follow him like a cat after a mouse, but you don't do anything about it!"

"I don't follow anyone" I said, tossing the pillow to him. "It's just a friendship."

"Friendship..." Shougo snorted and layed down on the bed again. "Friendship can turn into love, you know? And it's stronger than the one made from strangers to lovers."

"Yes, especially you and Naoto's love" I muttered. "And your big break up."

"Chobi, maybe get interested in your own love life, huh?" Shougo looked at me. "What was between me and Naoto is over. Now I'm with Satoshi."

"You're interested in my love life, I'm interested in yours" I shrugged. "Can I ask, why did you break up?"

"I don't want to talk about it" said Shougo.

"But I'm a blabber and I like talking" I replied and Shougo threw a pillow at me again.

"You know that feeling, when you feel like your relationship is too perfect?" asked Shougo.

"I know" I nodded. "And what?"

"Yoshito told me... Eh, it doesn't matter anyway. It's over" said Shougo. "Talk with Chisa, if you love talking so much. Or I'm gonna smash your heads against each other and send you both to hospital."

"But I don't love him."

"But you have a crush on him."

"I'm straight!"

"And I'm the Ukrainian ballerina in sneakers."

"What?"

"Nothing. Go to sleep, if you still don't get it" Shougo covered his head with a quilt and turned his back to me.

I didn't understand him then. And I hadn't understood him for a long time.

I hadn't understood myself. My reactions about your beautiful smile, about your slim hands, about your big, cat eyes with puppy look, which makes them forever sad. And your hair falling over your tiny shoulders, and your low voice and...

Yes. The biggest problem started in the moment, when I started to see your traits of character that charmed me in some strange way. The fact that you were so kind to everyone, that you were hellishly intelligent, though you didn't want to show it, and that it was so easy to embarrass you. This last feature made me want to protect you, I wanted people who cause panic in your beautiful eyes to burn alive. Or at least make them apologize.

Shougo wasn't the only one who tried to tell me that something isn't okay with my behaviour. Hikaru, Lin and Ivy also were calling, sending me direct messages and telling me in my face "Do something with it, Ishizuka Hiroki".

And I, like some kid in denial, were running into a cold shower and stared blankly at the tiles, trying not to imagine that the drops of water were your forever cold hands.

It never worked.

"Kurihara Sachi, what are you doing with me?" I whispered once, hitting the tiles with my forehead a little too hard, because it made my head dizzy.

I just wanted to resist, not to concuss myself, for gods' sake!

And Meiko just laughed, sticking a kitten patch on my forehead, that life of clumsy boy has to be crazy.

And I lived like that, trying to get as close to you as possible, though I just wanted to pull myself away completely, and finally, by a coincidence of many circumstances, I kissed you while you were asleep and you were completely unaware of what I wanted to do.

But you know what? Your real hands are nothing compared to that cold water. Especially since you're a graduate of art studies and can play many instruments.

And a candy you delay tastes much better than one you take without hesitation.

The end