Mask

Band: Moran

Pairing: Soan&Hitomi

Rating: 17+

Genre: romance

Warnings: -

Note: Soan's thoughts about masks, about Hitomi and generally about life.

Everyone is wearing a mask. Somethimes they have even more than one. It depends on who they are with.

One mask for family. I smile to my father, even if I know, that we're gonna fight about some stupid shit in a moment. I thank my mother for a dinner, even though she overcharged it, but I blame it on the distraction caused by bad events in her favorite series. I laugh with my brother that I'm forever alone, even if he probably guesses that it's not true.

Second is for fans. A serious drummer, who loves everyone in spite of everything, holds no grudge against anyone, knows half of the rock scene in Japan. But the fans piss me off a lot, I'm not that serious at all, I'm still not expert about playing drums and I just don't like some of the people I take selfies with. However, I think that certain enemies must be kept closer than friends, because they can be useful. I'm only human and humans are manipulators.

Third mask is for friends. I'm always helpful, always give advices and take from the party, when it's bad weather or they're so done that they even don't have a strength to go get a bus drive. I'll go to the shop, when they're sick. I'll go for a walk with their dogs and feed their cats. I smile all the time, it's not a problem doing these things. I repeat it again and again. But I often feel tired and annoyed because of my friends, even if I care about them so much. Everyone wants to be alone sometimes and think about his own daily problems.

For you I don't have to put on a mask. You love me 

You love me as I am. You fly to me like a butterfly into a spider's web. You don't pay attention to the fact that you can get entangled and that the spider will never let you go from his arms again. You trust me. And you say you feel safe with me.

You know what, Hitomi? To be honest, I don't like this point of view, when people told us, who is seme and who is uke. Who is more manly and serious and who is more childish and girly. In our case it's not like that. Of course, I'm more manly than you, but I'm not serious at all. You're a thinker here. You have more logical mind and you can see and fix up my mistakes. I feel safe with you, but in a little different way. You said that you can fall asleep in my arms, because of it, but me... I see a future, Hitomi. And there's no pain, no loneliness, no tears because of quarells. That's what I mean, when I say that I feel safe with you. That I can look forward to the future with a smile, don't have to worry about the past and enjoy the present.

And everything because of you. That's why I don't need a mask, when I'm with you. I don't have to pretend that everything is okay, when is not. I can cry, I can laugh and I can be mad, even at you! Because I know that you will only smile and pat my head, telling me that sometimes you feel that you're older. 

Then I will probably get mad for a moment or pretend that I was offended, so that we would start rolling on the floor like some not-so-serious teenagers, when you would jump on my back and I intentionally fall over. I will lean on my arms over you and ask if you are really almost forty and you will burst out laughing. And that's how our seriousness and all of the masks we put on will disappear.

And I love this reality, Hitomi. The reality, where you are.

Thank you.

The end