To the Blue Castle - Leaving Behind a Young Princess

Universe: "Aoishiro"

Pairing: Syouko&Migiwa

Rating: 17+

Genre: romance, soft angst

Warnings: spoilers to game plot

Note: Syouko is going home and gets a message from Migiwa.

Based on Migiwa's second normal ending (Ending I).

We decided to escape the typhoon. It was the best way out of this situation.

We were in the train. Yasumi woke up and rubbed her eyes with her hand.

"Zawacchi! Did you sleep well?" asked Momoko, when she saw that Yasumi took her head off my shoulder.

"Yes" replied Yasumi, streching.

She looked okay.

"Do you think that we're doing a good thing?" asked Ayashiro.

"What do you mean?" I looked at her, interested.

"You know..." started Ayashiro. "We left Nami-chan and..."

"You like her, right?" Momoko interrupted her.

Ayashiro blushed.

"She's... cute" said queitly.

"I'm worried about her too" said Yasumi. "About Nami-chan."

"Migiwa promised that she'll tell us, if they'll find out something about her" I tried to calm her down.

Migiwa.

Onikiri.

I hope that she will find the kenki, who stole that cursed sword.

I sighed.

It's hard for me, but I think that I have a crush on her.

Big crush.

Even though I've only known her for a few days...

"Nami-chan..." started Yasumi, playing with her fingers. "She reminds me of my Nee-san..."

"Nee-san?" Momoko was confused. "I thought that you are an only child, Zawacchi."

"I am an only child now, but when I was young, I had a twin sister. She was sick a lot until finally... she died" Yasumi explained, lowering her voice with each word.

"Oh, Aizawa-san..." Aoi-sensei sighed sadly.

Momoko jumped over the seatback and rammed between Yasumi and me.

"Zawacchi! It's terrible, I'm so sorry!" Momoko hugged Yasumi.

"What's your sister's name, Yasumi-san?" asked Ayashiro. "Or if you don't want to talk about it, you don't have to."

"Tsunami" replied Yasumi after a moment.

Tsunami.

Nami.

...

"You called her that. After you woke up" I noticed.

"I thought that it was because of her hair..." said Ayashiro quietly. "And you lost one syllable?"

"I had to say it in more silent voice because of fact that I just woke up" nodded Yasumi. "I'm sorry. She just... I seriously saw in her Tsunami Onee-chan. I even don't know, why. She has different skin tone, different hair colour, different eye colour... Me and my sister were identical. And even if she seriously was Tsunami, she wouldn't be so young. She would be fifteen like me..."

Yasumi looked down.

"Maybe... Maybe it was because of what had happened to my mum..."

"Don't think about it, Zawacchi" Momoko hugged her. "Don't think about it."

At this moment my phone started vibrating in my pocket.

I pulled it out and read the message.

"Migiwa told me that Suzuki-san decided to adopt Nami, if they won't find her parents" I said.

Everybody sighed with relief.

"Thank gods" said Aoi-sensei. "Oh, look, we're almost home!"

I didn't care what she was talking about.

I've been reading over and over the message from Migiwa.

I didn't tell my friends everything.

"I killed kenki. I got back this sword.

Now, when it's over, I don't have to talk to you.

Delete this number. I'm gonna get a new one, after all.

It's nothing personal, Osa. It's just my job."

I closed my phone and sighed.

Nothing personal, huh?

But I still felt this strange sting in my heart.

Eh...

Typical Migiwa. Nobody can understand her...

The end

When the time stopped for my Heart

Universe: Marvel

Pairing: Stephen Strange&Christine Palmer

Rating: 17+

Genre: romance, angst with happy ending

Warnings: spoilers, temporary character's death

Note: Christine's heart shattered after the Blip. She really tried to get over it. Really tried.

But it was in vain.

Blip.

I don't know, what happened.

Suddenly half of living beings turned to dust.

While staring blindly at the TV screen, I thought that it's this damn magic again.

Because magic killed them, right?

I got up to wash my coffee cup.

Did they die? Disappear?

I picked up the sponge.

And Stephen is going to do something about that. He's this wizard or sorcerer or something, after all.

Washing my cup, I heard knocking on the door.

I knew it. I probably jinxed it. As always.

I put the cup on the table top. Knocking intensified.

I didn't have to hurry. I have time.

For the last week I received informations that my aunts, uncles, cousins, patients and other people I know just stopped existing in one moment.

I have enough.

I opened the door and saw a raccoon dressed in small clothes, standing on his back paws.

...are you fucking kidding me?

"Good morning" he said quietly. "If this day can be good."

It's not.

"My name is Rocket. I'm looking for Mrs Christine Palmer" he said.

"Good morning" I said, letting it in. "Christine Palmer is me. And you are..."

"Guardian of the Galaxy. One of them" he replied, scratching panels with his claws, when he was walking. "Wong, you know the guy, right? Well, he told me to tell you that..."

"That doctor Strange is busy right now and sent you to tell me that he can't even call me, right?" I laughed, because it would be like him to do that.

But...

"Wait, why Wong didn't come by himself?" I looked in the racoon's sad eyes. "Where's doctor Strange?"

The raccoon sighed.

"Because he's the one, who is busy now, but he asked me to tell you that. You know, Mrs Christine, just in case. Because he didn't want you to think that Strange ignored you or something. You have to know that..."

"That Stephen won't come back" I finally understood and my legs gave up.

I sat on the floor.

Damned magic...

Rocket put his paw on my shoulder and I started crying.

I didn't cry, because I heard that someone disappeared.

My aunts or my cousin.

My friends and their pets.

My patients.

My neighbours.

My coworker and her daughter.

Emily, Rose, Lucy, Sylvia, Cecilia and Fred.

My uncles.

Everyone, who disappeared. Every animal.

No one made me sob so hard.

Even after this nice old gentleman, who was living in my staircase and smiling to me everytime, when I met him. He moved in recently and I didn't even know his name yet.

But after receiving the news of this one person's death, my heart shattered into million pieces.

I was sobbing and I couldn't stop.

This weird, antropomorphic raccoon was still sitting next to me.

He probably wanted to comfort me, even if he looked like he lost everything himself.

"You should lay down" he said calmly, leaving my flat. "I promise you that we're going to do everything to reverse it."

It was then, when I realised that he was talking like he himself cried for too long recently.

I got up from the floor and closed the door behind him. Swaying a little, I walked towards the sofa. Emotions made me feel like I was heavily injured. Really. Just like that.

Had Stephen felt like this, when he came to me for help? When this weird, magical weapon pierced his heart?

I laid down on the sofa and closed my eyes.

So you died? Just like that?

Yes.

It's also in your style. Disappearing just like that. Dying, before you visit me and talk to me seriously.

And, to be honest, I wanted to vanish with you...

* * *

"Christine, I'm talking to you" I heard Billy's voice.

I looked at him. He was annoyed.

"I'm sorry" I said quietly. "It's because of today. It's the anniversary of..."

"We all lost someone" he reminded me. "Half of population is gone. Don't make yourself the only victim."

"I'm not the only victim" I replied. "We all are."

"But you're acting like only you..."

"Billy, for God's sake, leave me alone!" I yelled at him. "I have enough. Enough of everything. Enough of waiting for some info..."

"A whole year has passed, Christine" he interrupted me. "You should get over it."

I should.

I clenched my fists.

Get over it, Christine. You're an adult woman. Believing that Stephen will come back is childish.

He died. The world is still moving.

It doesn't matter that yours stopped.

* * *

I looked at the rising sun.

Another day just started.

I took off my scrub and threw it on the sofa. I sat beside the window and looked at the tea in my cup.

Stephen liked it. I mean, he started liking it after he came back from this stupid magical training.

He changed. For the better. It was the only thing this stupid magic could repair.

Him.

And I loved him more and more.

And that's why this day covered my mind with a black fog again.

I closed my eyes.

I just want you to come back to me. To smile to me and talk to me about neurosurgery and that stupid magic. I just want that.

Or just put this funny cape of yours on my shoulders, which is going to make me fly. Even if I feel uncomfortable, because it seems to has its own mind.

Do something, Stephen. I've always laughed at your jokes, but I don't like this one.

Stop being dead.

* * *

I was laying in my bed, looking at the ceiling. Clock was ticking non stop, reminding me that time is flowing.

Chick chack chick chack tick tick tick.

Three years have passed. No one believed already that these people are going back. That anyone is going back.

Half of humanity was dead. That's a fact.

Chick chack chick chack chick chack.

Almost like a heartbeat.

Did my heart stop three years ago? Probably.

Chick chick chick chick chick chick.

I couldn't sleep for last few hours. I just woke up and I was laying there, staring at the ceiling.

Stephen...

One day, when you still had healthy hands, we were laying in your bed and you kept stroking my head, because my dog died. Then I wasn't sure, if this sudden empathy of yours was real or not, but now I know that it was.

Because your emotions always are real. Just hidden deeply on the bottom of your heart.

...oh, right, sorry.

They were.

Because they're gone just like you.

* * *

"Christine!"

I looked up. Billy was staring at me, furious.

"You forgot again that..."

"Sorry, Billy" I said quietly. "It's this day. It's..."

"Anniversary, yeah, I know" Billy interrupted me. "You've told me this before. And I repeat again. You have to get over it. Strange won't come back."

I felt like someone stabbed my heart again.

"Besides..." started Billy, leaning on the wall. "You're a doctor. You should be used to death. Meanwhile I'm just a nurse and I'm dealing with it better than you."

"You're right" I admitted. "I should. But I'm not."

Three years ago I told myself that I should get over it.

But I didn't, I just became weaker than before.

* * *

Five years have passed and I still felt just like I stopped existing with half of the humanity.

Suffering after losing friends and patients has passed.

Pain after my family members crumbled to dust. It didn't disappear, but I felt a lot better than before.

The exact moment I thought about Stephen, caused me pain. My heart was breaking again.

Just don't cry again, silly...

I heard some strange sound, like wings flipping.

I looked up through the window.

Birds.

A lot of birds.

I got up and walked to the window.

No. Not only birds.

People.

On the streets.

A lot of people.

What hap...

...

Did they rewind it?

My cellphone started to ring like crazy.

I kept getting phone calls.

I heard people crying of happiness.

The radio audition was interrupted by a reporter, who too disappeared five years ago.

And then I heard this weird noise as something was burning and someone took my phone from me.

"Oh, so that's why you don't pick up" I heard a voice I shouldn't hear anymore.

I turned around. Stephen was just standing there and looking into my eyes, still holding my cellphone.

"I have to go now, but I wanted you to know..."

"You're in shock again" I said weakly. "Just like then."

He smiled and kissed my cheek.

"See you later, Christine" he winked to me and closed the portal.

And I felt like my heart returning to its original shape.

* * *

I was napping on the sofa, when I heard this weird sound again. I opened my eyes and saw Stephen leaving one of his portals.

He looked like something bad happened. Something tragic and scary.

"Stephen?" I got up from the sofa.

He didn't answer. He silently closed the portal and took off his flying cape.

Or levitating. Whatever.

"Have we lost?" I asked, walking towards him.

He had scratches all over his body. And looked like he was crying just now.

But his wounds weren't serious.

"No" he replied shortly. "We won. Our world still exists."

"I'll bring you some sanitizer" I announced and went to the bathroom.

I came back after a moment. Stephen was standing in front of the window and was looking at the sleeping city.

"Can you tell me, what happened?" I asked, wiping his wound.

He looked at me. Did he really cry or it was just me?

"We saved the world" he said, staring at the evening sight behind the glass. "But I had to sacrifice a human life to stop the apocalypse."

"Many lifes?" I asked.

"Just one" he replied. "Just one, but it was still too much. He was someone's husband, someone's father, someone's friend. And I had to show him that it's the only chance among fourteen millions..."

WHAT?!

"...to win" Stephen closed his eyes.

I grabbed his hand. His fingers were trembling, like always.

"I think that he was aware of it" I told him. "Because he was a sorcerer too, wasn't he?"

"No" denied Stephen. "He was a scientist. A rich asshole, who thought he has everything."

"Just like you in the past?"

"Just like me in the past" he comfired. "I don't even know, if he liked me. Our relationship was complicated and short. But I feel like I killed him myself."

I tangled our fingers.

"You have to forgive yourself" I smiled slightly. "And tell me about your other wounds, so I can patch them."

"I have to take a shower first" he announced. "I am covered with five years of cosmic dust and then I had to fight some enlarged, purple alien."

I laughed and let go of his hand.

"What about your Sanctuary?" I asked.

"Wong can manage to take care of it for one day" replied Stephen, walking towards the bathroom. "He's the Sorcerer Supreme now."

I smiled and went to the kitchen to make tea with honey. I can wait another fifteen minutes. I've been waiting for five long years. Fifteen minutes is just a mouse versus an elephant.

And the last piece of my heart just glued to the rest of it in this exact moment.

The end

Eraser

Band: Alice Nine&Kagrra,

Pairing: Tora&Akiya

Rating: 17+

Genre: romance

Warnings: -

Note: Akiya still didn't forgive Tora that he neglected his health.

I run my finger over the scar. As if I believed that this will erase it from your chest like an eraser the trace of pencil off the sheet of paper.

I was telling you not to smoke so often. Not to drink so much. To not eat fast-foods. That we're not immortal and as someone who's in a relationship with Isshi's best friend, you should know it. After all, he's been dead for a long time now.

I could keep an eye on you, when you were in home. But then your band was on tour and everything was repeating over and over. And you didn't listen to your bandmates, because why? They're only your friends, what can they know...

You're waking up, because you noticed, what I'm doing. You grab my hand and stop me from doing it.

"Stop" your voice is still sleepy. "You won't make it vanish, if you pet it."

"It could end worse" I say. "38 years old man with a heart attack. Almost like 33 years old man with a stroke..."

I sigh.

"You fought for me back then. To make me smile again" I say quietly. "Who would fight for me, if you're gone?"

"I'm not going anywhere, Akiya" you tell me. "You have to spend with me another 13 years. Or more."

"Isshi was telling me the same."

"Don't start this topic again, okay?"

"...in that case, I prefer >>more<< option" I smile a little, when you put your arm around me and hug me.

I think that, besides this scar and a lot of tattooes on your body, you didn't change a bit the whole time.

And me too. I still love you as much as before.

The end

Little Red Riding Hood

Band: Xaa-Xaa; Dadaroma in the background

Pairing: Reiya&An

Rating: 17+

Genre: romance, comedy

Warnings: minor sexual scenes

Note: Reiya is slowly losing his mind because of An being a little shit.

And Haru's intervention didn't help at all.

He blinked.

His head hurt.

His forehead specifically.

He heard some voices.

He blinked once again.

His nose also hurt. And it was bleeding a little.

He touched his nose. Yes, he was right. It was bleeding.

Only then he realised that he's laying down. On the cold floor and he's going to catch a cold, if he doesn't get up.

"Reiya!" he heard and turned around towards the voice.

An was leaning over him. Yusuke was standing against the wall and looking at them with a grumpy face.

"Is he alive?" asked Yusuke.

An nodded.

"So help him get up, because he's paiting the floor with his blood" murmured Yusuke and came back to his rehearsal room.

"What's with him?" asked Reiya, sitting up. "And what happened?"

"Tomo hit you with the door" explained An, putting a tissue on Reiya's nose. "You blacked out for a moment, I think."

"Yeah, you're right" said Reiya, letting him wipe his face from blood. "Was I out for long?"

"Maybe a few second" replied An.

"Where's Tomo, by the way?"

"He went to the social room to get some ice" replied An and in that moment Tomo came back with a bag of ice.

"Here" he said, giving it to An. "Reiya, I'm sorry, I didn't want to, I didn't know that you were so close to the door..."

"I'm okay, don't worry" said Reiya, touching his nose. "See? It's not broken."

"Good, you wouldn't be so handsome otherwise" An laughed, pressing a bag of ice to Reiya's face.

"Heh" Reiya tried pretending to laugh, but failed completely.

He got up, leaning against the wall and on An's shoulder. Muscular shoulder, even if An was a little chubby.

An was made from opposities. His delicate features contrasted with his low, masculine voice. He was short, but strong. He often pretended to be serious, but he wasn't at all. He used to narrow his big, pretty eyes just to seem more menacing. It didn't work. He looked more like a rebellious kid.

Six years younger than Reiya. Twenty centimeters shorter than him. More childish and not serious at all.

Maybe that was the reason, why Reiya loved him. Maybe he was smacked by that door, because he got distracted by An.

He would do anything about his feelings, if he didn't promise himself that he's not going to date bandmates again. He and Haru broke up and Roji and Kazuki's relationship ended with a total catastrophe. Maybe if he didn't intervene... Oh, nevermind that, he couldn't change the past.

He was thirty three already. He knew, how to stop himself from kissing An's ideally shaped lips.

"Gods, Reiya, are you okay?" asked Haru, when they walked into the rehearsal room.

Kazuki looked up and mumbled that Reiya's nose matches his mood this day. Or something like that. Reiya didn't understand clearly, because his brother said it with his typical quiet, sleepy voice.

"It's nothing, I was just hit by the door" replied Reiya, standing in front of the mirror.

He didn't look so bad.

"Here" An gave him a wet napkin.

Reiya wiped his face and sighed.

"You should go home" said Haru. "Or visit a doctor and make sure you don't have a concussion."

"I'm okay, I just got hit by the door" replied Reiya.

"But it's probably your fault, after all" Haru shrugged.

"I didn't hit myself, it was Tomo" Reiya glared at him.

"But" Haru leaned on him "you came here with An. So it's your fault, both his and yours. You stared at him for too long and lost contact with the reality, am I right?"

...did Haru really notice?

"You know that relationships in the same band aren't the best idea" replied Reiya. "It's going to end faster than you think."

"Why do you think so?" asked Haru. "Have you tried with anyone else, besides me?"

"No, but Roji and Kazuki tried and you know very well, how it ended" Reiya was already a little tired of Haru's bullshit.

"If you think so" Haru shrugged. "I just wanted to help."

Reiya sighed. Maybe Haru was right? Maybe he should give An and himself a chance?

He looked at the tissue, still covered with his blood.

He knew well that it was the reason, why he hit that stupid door. The reason was named Antoki Nonan and he was sitting behind his drumset, not knowing about Reiya's feelings.

* * *

Reiya was brushing his teeth, when he heard knocking on his door. He ignored it, washed his mouth and put his toothbrush into the mug.

Knocking didn't stop. Someone kept repeating it over and over, so Reiya thought that it could be something important. Usually he wouldn't open the door at midnight, but he decided to at least check, who's behind them.

He looked through the peephole and saw An. He was wearing a red coat and had a basket in his hands. Like some Little Red Riding Hood.

Reiya opened the door, trying to calm down his dirty mind. Why this coat made him so horny?

"Hello, Mister Wolf. Is grandma home?" asked An, smiling brightly.

"Hi, An... Wait, what?" Reiya blinked.

Shouldn't he say... "Boku"? Or "watashi" at least?

"Grandma" repeated An, walking inside. "Grandma, where are you?!"

"What are you doing, An?" asked Reiya, closing the door.

"What do you mean?" An smiled again. "I prepared my grandma's favourite snacks and she's not home?"

In this moment Reiya realised that An really kept saying "atashi", not "watashi" or "boku".

A shiver ran down his spine. Cute boys speaking in the feminine form? And...

Reiya looked down at An's legs.

Are these...

"Why do you have overknee socks? Where are your trousers?" Reiya tried to talk louder, but he saw scarlet patent leather shoes and he forgot, how to use his vocal cords correctly.

...

 

Haru. Haru had to tell him about it.

"Little Red Riding Hood didn't wear trousers, she had a dress" An put his basket on the table and started to unbutton his coat.

Reiya covered his eyes. He couldn't look, he didn't want to see it. He's not looking for love in his own band, why An makes it so difficult?!

"Wolfie~!" Reiya felt An's rough hands on his wrists. "Am I so ugly that you don't want to look at me or what?"

Reiya looked at him through his fingers. Black-white, pretty dress with frills fit An perfectly. If someone, unlike Reiya, cared about An being chubby, it wouldn't be noticeable at all too.

And that he was a guy, went through Reiya's bisexual mind.

Reiya felt warmth under his nose. Holy shit, did he really get another nosebleed?!

"You're bleeding" An chuckled like a girl. "Did a hunter shot you already~?"

"Who?" asked Reiya, trying to stop the bleeding.

Gods, this situation looked like a scene in a pretty bad anime.

"A fairy told me" replied An. "This fairy likes flowers and liked you in the past~"

Oh, so he was right. That's why Haru wanted to talk with An after the rehearsal. Kazuki left the room first, not even noticing that Haru is up to something. Reiya had an impression that something weird is going on, but he didn't expect that...

"I have to wash my face" announced Reiya and ran to the bathroom as fast as he could.

Right. Before An would make him too horny with just his appearence and acting.

He washed his face with cold water and wiped blood from his nose.

Stupid An, stupid Haru, stupid kink.

"Wolfie~" he heard along the sound of the door opening.

An walked inside, holding a glass of wine.

"Come with me, I found grandma, we can eat her" said An, grabbing Reiya's hand and pulling him towards the sofa.

On the table there were laying sweets and fruits. An sat him down on the sofa and immediately put strawberry in his mouth.

"It's sweet, right, Wolfie?" he asked. "They're from my garden~"

"Tasty" said Reiya, but he couldn't say anything else, because An put some chocolate in his mouth.

"I just thought... They say that lips are raspberry red, right?" An smirked, taking a raspberry out from a bowl. "What if they're made from real raspberries?"

An crushed a fruit between his fingers and then he spread the juice over his lips.

Reiya closed his eyes.

"Alright, you won. You can stop acting like Little Riding Hood, be yourself" said Reiya. "And stop saying this damned >>atashi<< or... Nonan!"

Reiya opened his eyes. An was holding his palm with one hand and rubbing his tigh with the other.

"If you want to get rid of Little Red Riding Hood, you can" said An. "Just take off my clothes."

Reiya counted to three.

One, he's going to kill Haru.

Two, he must cancel tomorrow's rehearsal.

Three, fuck all rules. He has to fuck An too, in this outfit, only without pants.

Because Kazuki was right in that interview. Reiya really is a horrible hentai and he cannot do anything about it.

And An, who fell asleep in his arms after sex, knew about it, because he was a little horny himself. But not as much as his beloved man, who was still smiling, even deeply asleep.

The End

Summer Tree

Band: Crimson Shiva/Shiva, mentioned Zin/Yusai

Pairing: Tokiya&Natsuki, mentioned Natsuki&Aki, Natsuki&Orochi (Zin/Yusai), Natsuki&Ruka and Tokiya&Asuka

Rating: 17+

Genre: romance, comedy

Warnings: -

Note: Natsuki and his love life.

Aki was the first.

Aki was their sweet, cute drummer. He was ideal for such muscular man as Natsuki.

Natsuki always liked sweet boys. And he always liked to be on top.

But Aki left. He left him and left their band.

And they changed their name, because they wanted to start everything from scratch.

It was time when Natsuki met Orochi. From Zin. He was also cute, but not as much as Aki. But they weren't together for a long time, because Natsuki felt in love with Ruka. Their new drummer.

He was sweeter than Orochi and he wasn't as much grumpy as him.

They survived Shinji's depart. They surived Asuka's depart.

They were a couple for two years. But later Ruka also left.

Orochi had a new partner.

Sweet drummers disappeared.

"Natsuki?" Tokiya looked at him. "Something happened?"

"No" replied Natsuki. "It's nothing."

"So why are you so sad?" Tokiya sat next to him.

"I'm not sad" denied Natsuki. "What about you and Asuka?"

"Nothing" Tokiya shrugged. "We broke up."

"You broke up?"

"Yes. Why are you asking?" Tokiya turned to him and it was a moment, when his lips met bassist's lips.

Well, it's funny.

After all these sweet ukes, Natsuki became one of them.

The end

When the lights go off

Band: Sadie

Pairing: Mao&Mizuki

Rating: 17+

Genre: romance

Warnings: -

Note: Mao is afraid of darkness, so Mizuki has to comfort him.

He remembered this day as if it was yesterday, but eleven years have passed already.

It was dark. Strong wind was blowing outside. Mizuki was staring at the trees bending behind the window under the pressure.

"Aki, maybe we should go home already?" asked Mao, looking through the window. "This weather doesn't look good."

"No, we have to practice more" replied Aki, but at this moment his phone rang. "I'm leaving. Don't eavesdrop or I won't let you go home until tomorrow."

And he left, just like he said.

Mizuki sighed and decided to tune his guitar. Kei tapped rhythmically on the table with his drumsticks. Tsurugi was in his own world. He's been staring at the window, which was an annoying norm for him.

"Wake up, kid!" called him Mao, nudging his shoulder.

Tsurugi jumped and fell off the chair, which fell on him. Mizuki laughed, Mao looked at Tsurugi in surprise and Kei jumped to his feet and ran to him.

"Are you okay?" he asked, worried.

He picked up the chair and helped Tsurugi get up.

"Yeah, I'm fine" replied Tsurugi. "Mao, don't do this again."

"Alright, alright" Mao laughed and sat next to Mizuki. "Would you guess that he can react like that?"

"No" Mizuki shook his head.

Mao got closer to him.

"By the way..." he lowered his voice. "They have to finally get together or I'm going to lose my mind."

Mizuki forced himself to laugh.

And who's talking?

Suddenly they heard a loud crack of something breaking abruptly, followed by a bang, and Mizuki only had time to see the falling cherry tree tearing the high-tension cables. Then the lights turned off.

Kei, who returned to his drumset, dropped the drumsticks and Tsurugi let out a muffled scream. Mizuki hissed as Mao's fingers dug into his shoulder.

Painfully.

"Mao, what the hell are you doing?" Mizuki hissed. "Did you lose your mind like you said?"

Mao didn't answer. Mizuki heard only his shallow breathing and nothing else.

"Mao?" Hiroyuki urged his friend.

Well, in fact, Mao wasn't just his friend.

"What's going on, Mizuki?" asked Kei.

"By the way, why is it so dark now?" Tsurugi was a little confused.

"A tree fell on high-tension cables and tore them" explained Kei.

"Mao?" Mizuki tried once again and this time he got a reaction.

Masao cuddled to him desperately. His breathing was shallow, ragged, even spasmic.

Does he have a panic attack?

"You're going to be okay" said Mizuki, hugging him.

He knew that Mao is afraid of darkness. But he didn't expect that his nyctophobia is so strong.

He heard the door screeching. Dim white light blurred the darkness sourounding them.

"There is no electricity in the whole building" announced Aki, closing the door behind him and lit up Mao and Mizuki's faces. "What's going on?"

"I think that Mao has a panic attack" replied Kei.

Mizuki looked at Mao. His eyes were squeezed shut. He was tense and his fingers were tightly gripping Mizuki's shirt.

"Mao, get over it, you're in your thirties" murmured Aki, litting up his cigarette.

"You're not empathetic at all" growled Mizuki.

"Typical Aki" Kei found his phone and turned on the flashlight. "Is it enough?"

Mao opened his eyes slightly, letting go of some tears, which flowed down his cheeks. He wiped them nervously and moved away from Mizuki.

"What happened, Mao?" asked Tsurugi.

"It's just nyctophobia" explained Mao, trying to pull out a cigarrette from a box with his trembling hands.

"Stop" Mizuki took the box away from him. "Come on, I'll drive you home."

"No one let you go" reminded them Aki.

"I'm a leader too" announced Mao with a shaking voice. "And I'm leaving right now."

Mao grabbed Mizuki's hand and rushed towards the door.

"Wait, Mao, I have to... Wait!" Mizuki stopped for a moment and grabbed his bag, then he pulled out his phone. "I have a flashlight like Kei. Now we can go."

"So let's go" Mao smiled nervously. "See you tomorrow!"

"See ya!" replied Tsurugi and Kei.

Aki didn't react at all.

* * *

When they were in the car, Mao relaxed a little, but Mizuki didn't want him to sit behind a wheel after all.

"I had a panic attack, not a heart attack" said Mao.

"And what?" Mizuki sat down behind the wheel. "Let me worry about you."

"As you wish" Mao buckled up the seatbelt. "By the way..."

"What?"

"I'm sorry for putting you into an uncomfortable situation" said Mao.

"Uncomfortable?"

"I don't think that my fingers painfully clenching on your skin are comfortable" explained Mao. "Besides, I'm the older one. I should be the one, who protects you."

"I don't have any phobias" Mizuki shrugged. "And I didn't care about the reason you hugged me. I focused on the fact that you did it anyway."

"Were you really so pleased by that?" asked Mao and Mizuki scolded himself for telling him too much.

"I like hugs..." he replied evasively.

"And I like hugging you" announced Mao.

Mizuki almost his a street lamp.

"What are you talking about?" Hiroyuki was surprised.

"Oh, stop it" Mao looked at him firmly. "Do you really think that only Tsurugi and Kei are so oblivious and annoying?"

Mizuki chuckled nervously.

"So... Am I oblivious?" he asked slowly.

"Blind like a mole!" exclaimed Mao, waving his arms, almost hitting Mizuki. "You know, we should talk, when we leave the car. Or I'm going to break glass accidentally. Or you teeth."

Mizuki nodded and they were sitting in silence for the rest of the ride, during which he created a lot of scenarios about what Mao wanted to tell him.

When they reached Mao's home, weather was still moody.

"Come with me" Mao opened the door to the staircage. "I'm worried that some tree can hit your car."

Mizuki nodded and followed Mao to his flat.

"Come in" Masao pushed the front door and almost pulled Hiroyuki into his apartment.

"So, what do you want to talk about?" asked Mizuki.

Mao ignored him and walked to his kitchen.

"Do you want green or black tea?" he asked. "I would make you coffee, but I ran out of it."

"Green" replied Mizuki, sitting on the sofa.

Mao came back after a while, carrying two cups. He gave Mizuki one and sat down beside him.

"I like you" he announced and Hiroyuki almost dropped his cup. "Really. And you're also pretty, but I think you know it."

"But..."

"I tried to hook up with you" continued Mao, swinging his legs. "But it's not that easy, Mizu."

"No?"

"No" Mao shook his head and sipped his tea. "You're too oblivious."

Masao put his cup on the table.

"So I'll tell you this without complicating things" he announced. "I love you. I don't know, what you're going to do, but it's a fact."

Mizuki thought for a moment, then he leaned down and kissed Mao's lips softly.

"I accept such answer" said Masao and this time he kissed Mizuki.

And Mizuki kissed him back.

They heard a thunder just as lightning lit up the room.

...and that's when power went off.

"And that's the end of seeing our tea" mumbled Mizuki, feeling Mao's fingers clenching on his shirt. "Are you okay?"

"It's not as bad as before" he heard Mao's voice in the darkness. "Come on, we have to distract my mind."

"What do you... Oh, okay, I get it" Mizuki laughed.

It seems the most interesting things happen, when the lights go off.

The end

Nobody knew it would end this way

Band: D'espairsRay

Pairing: Tsukasa&Hizumi; Karyu&Zero in the background

Rating: 17+

Genre: romance

Warnings: -

Note: Tsukasa tries to win over Hizumi, but he's blind, deaf and dumb.

That day, he thought he had everything. A stable band, where there has never been quarells. Fairly promising prospects for the future. His beloved birds, for which he recently bought a new, tiny swing. And most importantly - Hizumi cuddled up to him, when they fell asleep after spending the first night together. Among many.

Actually, Tsukasa didn't know, when he fell in love with him. Maybe it was at the very beginning of D'espairsRay's activity? Maybe later? Or maybe not long before he stared at him on the set of the music video?

"Will you finally talk to him or not?" asked Karyu, trying to lit a cigarette with a lighter, which he was holding with his long fingers.

Why this native Japanese, without any European or American ancestors, was so tall? 185 centimeters! How?!

"I'm trying to, but Hizumi is..."

"Blind" Karyu interrupted him, giving up and hiding a lighter in a pocket. "And deaf. And in emotions' case he's dumb."

"Hey, don't insult him!" Tsukasa felt a little offended.

"And you lend me a lighter, because mine either broke or Michio wasted all of my fuel again" Karyu stretched out his hand to the drummer.

And he smokes like a dragon, but he's still as tall as a birch tree...

"I don't have one" replied Tsukasa. "I decided that maybe I could pick up Hizumi using his sense of smell, since his sight and hearing aren't the same anymore."

"Oh gods, it sounded like he was fifty" Karyu laughed shortly. "You can try it with a taste. And touch."

"Taste and touch?" Tsukasa repeated.

"Well, I picked up Michio like that" Karyu shrugged.

"How?"

"I kissed him and you know, bang, it's done" Karyu snapped his fingers. "But maybe it's because he's such an erotomaniac..."

"What did you say? He likes to tie and you like to be tied up?" asked Tsukasa. "You're both little freaks."

"Jealous?" Karyu smiled slightly as he leaned towards Tsukasa.

"A little" the drummer replied. "Okay, I'm gonna go try to talk to him. If it doesn't work out, I swear I'll try your way or else I'll choke him."

"Don't choke him, we need a vocalist!" cried Zero, as he approached Karyu. "What's up, Yoshi?"

"Everything's fine. I'm sending Tsu to finally do something about Hizumi, before we all go crazy" replied Karyu, for which he was smacked by Tsukasa.

He won't arbitrarily lecture the leader here. He might not have given up on his role, since he likes to exalt himself so much.

Tsukasa looked at Karyu again. No, he doesn't have to be exalted. Who is even taller than him? There is no such a person, are they not born yet or are they in elementary school and they're still about to grow taller?

Tsukasa sighed and walked towards Hizumi. The sooner he talks to him, the sooner it'll be over.

At most he would kiss him seriously and watch his reaction. Nothing will happen if he gets slapped in the face. At least he will know what he is standing on.

Hizumi was sitting next to the window and reading video's script. Tsukasa walked to him. Hiroshi of course didn't notice him, closed in his own world.

They knew each other for ten years. Karyu and Zero were together for five. And then there was Hizumi, still blind, deaf and dumb.

"Hizumi?" called him Tsukasa.

"Yes?" Hizumi looked at him.

"Can we talk?" Kenji sat down next to him. "I thought recently..."

"I'm a little busy" replied Hizumi.

Tsukasa sighed.

"You're always busy" said Kenji. "And you keep pushing me away."

"Maybe you come at bad times?"

"I come at good times, only you are so..."

"What?" asked Hizumi, looking Tsukasa straight in the eyes.

"Inadvertent" replied Kenji and sighed. "Will you come with me..."

"We have a lot of work to do" Hizumi interrupted him. "Now we're shooting a music video. Then we have to record the rest of the single and we have another album planned! Wherever I would have to go, a day would have to be at least twenty-nine hours. How not even more."

"Karyu was right" said Tsukasa. "You're dumb."

"What?" Hizumi looked at him, confused. "What are you talking about?"

"I mean that I love you" announced Tsukasa, standing up. "But you only think about work. You don't pay attention to anything and anyone else."

Hizumi looked at him for a moment, then grabbed his hand, looking down.

"I'm sorry" he said quietly.

"For what?" asked Tsukasa.

"That I didn't notice that..." Hizumi held his breath. "...you feel something for me too. I should have noticed this before, but... You know."

"You're almost thirty years old, Hiroshi" Tsukasa called him by his first name. "I'm also almost thirty years old and since you have feelings for me, I require you to tell me."

"I'm telling you now" said Hizumi.

"Yes. But I've been trying to pick you up for six months" Tsukasa spread his hands helplessly.

Well, almost, because one was still held by Hizumi.

Hiroshi sighed.

"So I'm dumb, blind and deaf?" asked Hizumi, standing up. "Can you forgive me?"

"Of course I can forgive you" Tsukasa patted Hizumi like he was a naughty dog. "But you need to sort out your priorities."

And when he finally kissed Hizumi, he really didn't expect what would happen in a few years.

Because who knew it would end this way? That Hizumi wouldn't keep his promise and ruin his health by completely ignoring the flu and whooping cough?

"You should stop singing or you're going to stop talking" said the doctor, frightening all of them.

Hizumi has been silent a lot since then. Tsukasa was the only one who could reach him. Even Karyu and Zero couldn't do it.

They went on hiatus. They were sure it would be enough. That someday they'll come back in the glow of glory, because Hizumi will recover.

But he didn't. Hizumi still had trouble even with speaking. The most painful thing for him was when he tried to tell Tsukasa that he loved him too and couldn't, because only a wheezing noise was coming from his throat.

"It's okay" Kenji was always smiling and hugging Hizumi. "It's okay. I know, what did you want to say."

But in the end they had to disband. After all these years they felt as if they were shot in their hearts. As if they died for a moment and couldn't do anything.

Karyu joined Angelo. Zero started his own band and invited Tsukasa to play with him.

"Why didn't you want to play with Karyu?" asked Kenji.

After all, Zero and his leggy lover where inseparable.

"A little longing won't hurt us" Michio laughed. "You know, how good sex is after a long separation?"

Tsukasa still didn't know it during this conversation. But he had to see it for himself how it felt like.

And it wasn't as good as Zero said. Sometimes Tsukasa even didn't have the strength. And Hizumi, locked at home with a laptop, didn't try to force him to anything.

But it was still his Hiroshi after all. With that pugnacious look of his and a slightly chubby face. Maybe he wasn't very observant, but his personality made up for everything. It was enough that he walked to Tsukasa and hugged him, resting his chin on his shoulder. Even if they were almost equal in height and he had to stand on tiptoes.

"Silly hamster" Tsukasa usually said and snapped Hizumi's nose.

And it was enough to make them laugh again.

The end

Nine

Band: Alice Nine, Kagrra,

Pairing: Saga&Shou, mentioned Shou and Isshi's friendship

Rating: 17+

Genre: slice of life

Warnings: based on real events, mentioned death

Note: Written during the pandemic, when ninth anniversary of Isshi's death was close.

And now we passed the fifteenth.

Flowing time scares me...

Ohara Kazumasa, called by friends and his long-term partner "Kazuma" and by fans "Shou", since Alice Nine has formed, had too much love for the number nine.

When they celebrated their ninth anniversary with the band, it was more important to him than the tenth. He always fed Shishamo at 9AM and 9PM. He measured everything in nines. Steps, flowers for mum's birthday bouquet... He remembered when he poured nine teaspoons of sugar into his coffee. It tasted so terrible that he immediately stopped sweetening his coffee completely.

However, this time it was different. This nine didn't make him happy at all. This one particular nine.

2020 has been a tough year for everyone. The global coronavirus pandemic. Canceled concerts. Postponed tours. Delayed events.

Overall, he was enjoying the Tokyo Olympics, but it would start in July, if everything was normal. It will start next year, but...

He wanted to somehow survive this nine without forcing a smile.

"Kazuma?" Saga looked at Shou, who was sluggishly playing with the Shishamo. "Did something happen?"

"No" Shou shook his head. "Everything is okay."

"But you've been a little sad for a few days" Saga sat on the chair. "Is it because coronavirus?"

"I like number nine" said Shou, swinging the fishing rod slower and slower, though Shishamo was still chasing the little orange fish at the end of the string with the same enthusiasm. "But sometimes >>nine<< also means something unpleasant, and... You understand, right?"

Saga nodded. He understood this.

It's been nine years since Shou's grandma died. Shou was closer to her than to his parents.

It's been also nine years since the massive earthquake and tsunami that hit Japan in 2011.

Saga looked at calendar. Behind the window he could see a landscape of June. It's getting warmer. Their birthday are close. First Saga's, then Shou's.

But this July's nine was staring at him with evil smile. One of its pupil had a shape of 1, second had a shape of 8. And Saga knew that Shou couldn't stand this nine the most.

People get old and die. You can prepare for the fact that the ninety-year-old woman will pass away someday.

Japan is located in the Pacific ring of fire, so earthquakes and tsunamis are also predictable. Many people have died, many have disappeared forever.

But what if you suddenly find out that your friend had a stroke and has been dead for a week?

A friend, a mentor, a person you perceived as an older brother, someone you can always rely on.

Who will never abandon you in times of need.

Kagrra, disbanded nine years ago. And Alice Nine still existed. They lived for a longer time than those who helped them shine. The students surpassed the masters.

Their teachers of the stage life. Akiya, who was still close to them thanks to Tora. Izumi and Shin, who rarely spoke to them, but still kept in touch with their "preschoolers". And Nao, poor Nao, who still had hallucinations from time to time.

And Isshi, who has been dead for almost nine years.

And Ohara Kazumasa, sitting in front of him, still can't get over it.

"Do you want to go to cafe shop?" asked Saga, pulling Shou out of his thoughts. "We can eat carrot cake, if it is open. Shall we go check it out?"

It was their little tradition. They always went to this cafe, when Shou was sad because of this anniversary. In the past, he couldn't even enter this cafe. But it was calming him now. As if he could still feel Isshi's presence there.

"Where do you think he is?" Saga asked, opening the front door.

"Nao says that in heaven" Shou replied, looking for the keys.

"Or maybe he reincarnated?" Saga took his own keys and locked the door. "Maybe as a teenager he'll come to our concert?"

"We'll be old then" noticed Shou.

"But maybe he'll be eleven?"

"Would your mum send you to a rock concert at this age?"

"And who said someone has to let him go for a rock concert?" Saga snorted. "You go to rock concerts without parental consent, sneaking out through the window at night."

"Sometimes I wonder how your parents hadn't killed you for all these years..."

"You hadn't killed me too because of the same reason" said Saga, grabbing Shou's hand and twining hin fingers with his. "Because they love me~"

"And what if I told you that I'm only with you for sex?"

"Kazuma! People don't stay in relationships for twelve years just for sex!"

Shou laughed. He still loved to tease Saga.

It won't ever change.

The end

Our kind of Magic

Band: Kizu

Pairing: Yue&Lime

Rating: 18+

Genre: lemon/smut

Warnings: sexual scenes

Note: My first attempt to write spicy scene or just Yue and Lime having their sexy rituals.

He has big hands and, because of that, long fingers.

Lime likes them. His hands, his fingers, his arms. Manly, strong, muscular.

Perfect.

On the outside, Yue's hands are smooth. The silky skin makes Takuya amazed every time he accidentally touches his hand.

Yue is all like velvet. Like the softest material that exists in this world.

But the back of the hand is different.

Harsh. Especially on the fingertips. As if a pumice stone was sliding over his body, not skin.

And it slides often. Well, maybe not as often as in case of some of his friends, but often enough to make him shudder at the mere thought.

Sometimes he gets the feeling that Yue is one of a kind. That he's different species, from another dimension, from another reality. Lime was in the past with a few women and two men, but Yue is so...

He can't even find the right word.

"You know that I love you, right?" Yue whispers in his ear as he sits on their bed wide apart and pulls him closer.

And he sits with his back on Yue's chest and closes his eyes, because the mere sound of his voice is sometimes too much of an experience for poor Takuya.

Let him tell him that he loves him.

Let those long fingers of his undo buttons from his shirt.

One, two, three.

And it's gone. There is no more buttons left.

Trousers neither. Only underwear and socks, but that's easy to take off.

They're both naked. Undressing is easy and quick.

Especially when a person stops thinking.

And completely undressed they go under the shower. As in some ritual. Always.

Lukewarm water doesn't help, when Yue is kissing him. When his rough fingers touch his sensitive skin. Not quite as sensitive as Yue's, but that pumice stone would make anyone vulnerable.

Sometimes they leave the bathroom still wet. Sometimes they don't reach the bedroom.

But they're usually composed enough to reach the bed. And that's when a new story begins. Or rather, another chapter of the same story. The one they have been writing for a long time.

They both have long hair. Long enough to scatter on the pillow in any configuration.

Sometimes Takuya's hands tremble when he's on top. Yue's don't. He's always so unnaturally calm. Or at least, when he prepares them for the proper act.

And that pisses Takuya off. Yes, it pisses him off. Because Lime would like to do it now! And he gets impatient, but Yue takes a long time to apply this lubricant, spreads it on his hands for a long time, and spreads it on, as he often calls it, the key and the padlock.

Because penis and ass are bad words and unromantic.

To hell with this romanticism! He has to take him, not write poems!

That's why Yue often covers his eyes with a scarf. This somehow calms Takuya down, he stops being so irritated and waits, pushing his thighs apart and holding his breath as soon as he feels those rough fingers on his arms.

Because he knows Yue will push into him in a second. And if Lime doesn't hold his breath, he'll groan, and he doesn't like that because it's humiliating.

According to Takuya, of course.

Yue is gentle. Always. He always hugs him, caresses him and tries to move slowly, because he doesn't want to hurt Takuya. And this is so amazing about Yue, but sometimes you even ask for "harder" or "faster", because how long can you wait?

But the longer the better. And the better, the more Yue's back is scratched and the more sighs. Not moaning. Sighs like irritation. Or maybe just irritation, because how long can you wait for an orgasm? Patience runs out in the end.

Although, to be honest, Lime likes to wait. Because the later he comes, the more intense the orgasm is. Sometimes they manage to achieve orgasm at about the same point in time, and that's when it's magic.

How they both stop breathing at almost the same moment and just cuddle up to each other and then gasp softly because they don't like being loud. Yes, they don't. They have friends who are even yelling. They know because they have heard them. But they don't like it, this is their world, their crayons. Why should others know their colours?

Sometimes Lime is on top. And then it is less gentle, less magical. Although... Maybe that's a kind of magic too? Only this time it's black magic. Sex with Yue as seme is white magic. Yes. It would make sense.

Lime doesn't waste his time. Yue's long, beautiful legs are bent, one on his left and one on his right. Lime doesn't use any stupid names for penis and ass, because that's penis and ass, for gods' sake. And if he wants now and he can get it now, because he is the top this time. And he doesn't stop himself and Yue doesn't protest because... Does he ever protest?

Of course, a ritual with a shower must happen. Yue wouldn't go to bed dirty. Either he's so clean, or he just likes the smell of shampoo and shower gel in bed. Who knows?

But it's actually... Interesting. Lime on the bottom scratches, scratches a lot, sometimes bites, but he doesn't move a lot like Yue. And Yue is either so touchy or...

After all, how does he have such sensitive skin...

Well. In any case, sometimes Lime has to even hold Yue down. Press him against the bed by force. Sometimes he sees tears in the corners of his beloved's eyes. But not because Yue is hurt. Lime wouldn't hurt Yue, because he would probably do somehing bad to himself. Just somehow... Out of excitement?

And Lime can't shake the feeling that Yue is a goddamn angel. Perfect character, perfect body... Only the butt turned out to be so skinny. But the way he whispers his name during sex, the way he bends when he comes, is somehow so... It rewards him.

And if they won't fall asleep, they go to the bathroom again. First the shower, then the bathtub. Big bathtub, because Yue insisted they have to buy a new one. Because he wants to cuddle Takuya, just like on the bed, before they start their erotic ritual. Like a buckle. It begins with the same activity and ends with the same activity.

The bathroom smells of citrus. Only one bulb is lit. It's dimness and Takuya's dogs and Yue's cat are scratching at the door, because what are these people doing so long in this small, dark room?

"You know that I love you, right?" Yue asks him again, blowing bubbles off the top of Takuya's head.

"I know" replies Lime, focusing on not falling asleep in the water. "I love you too."

The end

I won't let you

Band: Kizu

Pairing: Yue&Lime

Rating: 17+

Genre: slice of life

Warnings: based on true story, mentioned teenage depression and his failed suicide attempt

Note: Yue learns, what happened to Lime, when he was nineteen.

Everyone is asking me, when.

When, when, when.

This question is starting to be annoying.

When I fell in love with you? I don't know.

I only know, when I realised it.

It was during this interview. I learnt more then than I wanted to.

Or I should say that I wanted to know it. But I wanted to learn it in normal circumstances and not because smiling journalist asked you about something different.

I felt as if someone stabbed me in the heart with icicle. As if I drowned in the cold water.

Well, it isn't so much false.

Waves of memories were coming one after another. All these stares, gentle smiles, moments, when I was the first person, who wanted to help you, but I didn't know, why.

Dumbass. Seriously, you're a dumbass.

I walked to you after the interview. I was dizzy, my ears buzzed and my hands felt cold. I still felt the icicle in my heart.

I asked you, why you didn't tell me. And if it's true, because I didn't want to believe in it.

You were surprised. You were sure that I know.

Reiki knew. I don't know if Kyonosuke knew, because he didn't say anything.

I was angry. But not because you tried to do something so terrible. I was angry, because you didn't tell me. And I explained this, hugging you, because you probably needed it.

I needed it. At least to realise that I love you.

I still don't know, when I fell in love with you. But this day I promised that I will protect you.

Even from yourself.

* * *

I'm lying next to you. You're staring at the ceiling, thinking about something.

There are moments, when I can ask you about everything and you'll give me the most honest answer, without lying. Without hiding your emotions. Without avoiding the uncomfortable truth.

You have to be taken out of this state. Then you will say everything.

"How?" I ask.

I don't know, why.

But you always know, what I'm asking you about.

Especially, when I tried to force you to give me an answer the same day a lot of times.

"Because I'm a vertically challenged person" you say calmly. "I tried to hang the rope over the branch, but couldn't reach it, so I got pissed and went home."

I blink.

"Seriously?" I ask.

"Yes" you smile a little. "I was a stupid bastard. I couldn't respect my own life. And when this stupid rope fell one more time, I didn't know whether I was more pissed at myself for my idiotic idea, or at this rope, or at my height, or all at once."

"So a fact that you're a cute shorty saved your life?" I'm playing with your soft hair.

"If you call me that one more time, I'm gonna punch you" you almost growl, saying this. "Besides that, you pulled me out from my thoughts again, because you wanted to know something I don't want to talk about!"

"Because you feel shame?"

"...because I feel shame" you nod, a little embarrassed.

You're only embarrassed, when you really regret something and feel bad.

"But you won't tell me this, if I ask you in normal conditions" I say.

You sigh.

"But why do you care? It's only the past" you mumble annoyed, hugging me.

"But yours" I say quietly, scratching your head. "And if I want to protect our future, I have to know your past."

"Mhm... It will be the best if you stop asking me about it" your voice is sleepy, but you're still a little annoyed. "And stop being so sweet-talking."

"I won't force you to talk" I promise. "Don't worry. I won't let you think about your past again."

I don't know if you are asleep already, but you don't react, so probably I'm right.

I cover us with a quilt.

I listen to you calm breathing.

And, I hope, everything is okay again.

We have to believe in it.

The end

Scent of the Rain

Band: Kizu&Xaa-Xaa

Pairing: Lime&Kazuki

Rating: 17+

Genre: romance

Warnings: alcohol

Note: Lime finds Kazuki on his doormat. With an alcohol-scented broken heart.

Men shouldn't cry.

This is what society wants and that is what we should follow.

We shouldn't cry, when something bad happened. We shouldn't cry after our beloved one's death. We shouldn't cry, when we have broken heart.

We shouldn't.

And usually we remember about it.

And then we're drunk and we forget about every social norms. About all the principles of operation of the modern world.

Kazuki was sitting on a doormat in front of the door to my home. With his knees tucked under his chin, his arms wrapped around his legs.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, folding the umbrella and, as usual, cutting my finger.

Typical.

He looked at me.

"Kazuki?" I crouched.

It was strange to look at him from above, because he's tall as a birch tree, and I... Well, I'm not one of the tallest people.

He smelled of rum and geosmine.

"What happened?" I asked, putting a hand on his cheek.

He was cold. His cheeks would be warm because of tears, but these big, dark clouds made this powerful downpour. But Kazuki's red eyes said that it wasn't only rain, which washed his cheeks.

"Kazu?" I looked in his eyes - black as a despair, which always was hiding in them.

They reminded me of my eyes. Maybe it was the reason, why I understood Kazuki better than other people did.

"Get up. Let's go inside. You can't sit here. You'll catch a cold" I smiled gently.

Kazuki stood up. He was still quiet.

The silence was interrupted by a the clang of the lock in the door. We went inside. My dogs were happy to see us.

"I have to go for a walk with them" I said quietly.

Kazuki looked at me, still not changing that pained face of his.

"I'm sorry. I will try to come back soon. Well, it's raining, so it isn't the best weather for a walk" I said, fastening Lemon's and Fuu-chan's leashes.

The roads turned into swift streams because of the rain. The umbrella bent in all directions.

I would have to throw it away.

I came home and unfastened my dogs' leashes. They rushed to their baskets at once and buried themselves in the blankets.

Kazuki fell asleep on the sofa. His clothes were still wet.

"You'll catch a cold" I sighed.

He opened his eyes. So he wasn't asleep?

"Can you tell me, what happened?" I've been annoyed already.

"Youhei... I mean, Roji. He broke up with me" explained Kazuki, staring at the wall. "It hurts, Lime. Maybe I'm too old to feel this pain. But it still hurts."

"It hurts, because you're drunk" I said, putting a blanket on Kazuki's shoulders. "When you'll sober up, it would stop hurting."

"It hurt, when I was sober before" he mumbled.

"But less. Alcohol only strengthens the pain because you lose control of your emotions" I stroked his head and hissed.

Stupid wound.

I looked at my hand. Because of the rain, a band aid was wet and peeled off. The blood that had not yet clothed began to trickle again.

Kazuki was watching it too. He took my hand gently and ran his index finger over the wound.

I hissed again. What the hell was he thinking?

"What are you doing?" I asked, watching as Kazuki spreads my blood on his fingers.

He probably lost his mind, I think.

"Kazu?" I put my left hand on his cheek and lifted his head, because I wanted to see his eyes.

He looked at me, still holding my hand.

He was completely drenched. I was a bit.

We both smelled like geosmine now.

And I don't know, why I pulled out my hand between Kazuki's fingers. Maybe because I wanted to put my hand on his other cheek and kiss his lips.

And maybe because he looked like a poor puppy and I am dog person.

And maybe because he's one of my best friends and maybe because of this I knew that he needed it.

And maybe because of this I helped to take off his clothes and I let him do it the same with mine.

He was submissive. Very submissive. As if he didn't care anymore.

And I didn't know if it was because of the alcohol or his mood or a little bit of both.

All I knew was that he hugged me right after I fell on him. I couldn't breath even more than a moment before.

Or maybe we both needed it? I don't know.

But for the first time I felt that it really didn't matter that he was twenty centimeters taller than me. And that he is three years older.

In bed we're the same.

And when it comes to the psyche, we're all the same.

Weak as brittle leaves in the fall.

Especially the two of us.

It might come as a surprise to some, but a broken heart doesn't really care what gender its owner is.

The end

For the first time I see the light

Band: Kizu

Pairing: Yue&Lime

Rating: 17+

Genre: romance

Warnings: -

Note: "Everything what I would tell Natsume or these two nice women and all these silly fans.

So why [...] I said this?"

In fact, I've never told someone this before, who isn't my family. And, of course, all these people, who didn't want to do something for me, so I manipulated them this way.

So, there wasn't anyone, who could hear my honest words from the depth of my heart... which I don't have... Or maybe I should say that my heart is dirty as much as if someone threw it in a puddle...

...I should shut up.

What I was talking about? Oh, right. About that I've never told this anyone before. Of course some people, especially women, forced me to do this. I was just tired because of their whining, how cold as an ice I am, because I'm not telling them that I love them. Their friends' partners are doing this everyday and gods, you're harsh and you should be embarrassed, Takuya, because it's dishonour on you and your cow.

Alright, alright. But you were dating Lime, dear girls, not Takuya. You wanted money, fame and all the pleasant things. Meanwhile, you got a man tired of life, although he has not even reached his thirties yet. Oh no, I feel so sorry for you.

Natsume was the only one, who deserved it. Only Natsume. Okay, there were also two women, who wanted Takuya, not Lime, so I could tell them that, but it isn't that easy...

Mainly because it robs a human of some... Privacy. You have to come out your cocoon, you have to suddenly talk about your feelings, which is terribly uncomfortable and every time I feel sick and my hands are shaking. Who needs that? I prefer to spend more time with someone I... care about, lean on his shoulder and read a book, listen to his steady breathing because, unlike me, he can fall asleep under any conditions.

And every night.

I should probably do something with my unregular sleep scheme.

But I digress. I prefer to cover my favourite person with a blanket, make tea, go to the shop to buy three types of ice-cream and let his kitty sleep in our bed. I can do this. But such coming out your cocoon... 

Peeling the emotional skin... No, no and nope.

And maybe that's why it surprised me so much.

One after another the fireworks exploded, making the sky lit up with all the colours of the rainbow.

I've always squinted at times like this, because I've been sensitive to light for as long as I can remember. But this time it was different. This time it didn't bother me at all.

As if I saw the light for the first time.

I looked at you. You stood next to me and gazed dreamily towards this colorful spectacle. I had the impression that you looked even more beautiful than usual.

Why are you so damn handsome?

You trembled in surprise, when my fingers gently touched yours. You looked at me closely.

"Something happened, Takuya?"

I shook my head.

"No, everything is okay" I said, looking in your eyes, which were reflecting colorful fireworks and pale moonlight.

This night was a full moon. Everything could happen.

But I didn't think that it will be so... unexpected. Something what will surprise even me. And you'll be in a pure shock.

"Are you sure?" you asked, worrying about everything as always.

You started to play with my hair, so I closed my eyes.

Fireworks disapeared. The moon stayed. It won't go down for a few hours.

"I'm sure" I replied quietly.

"So why are you staring at me as if you wanted something from me?" you asked, smiling gently.

I wanted to say that you're just so handsome.

Or that I like your beautiful smile.

Anything.

Everything what I would tell Natsume or these two nice women and all these silly fans.

So why...

"Because I love you" ...I said this?

You froze for a long moment, as if you were afraid of breathing.

And I didn't know, what exactly happened.

Whence...

For what...

Why...

I stopped thinking about nonsense, when you kissed me.

And I had the feeling that this kiss was different this time. As if it was both a reward and a thank you for that stupid confession.

"I love you too" you whispered in my ear, blowing my hair with your breath.

It made me tremble.

Do this more often, Mitsuhiro, and I will be addicted to you.

As if I wasn't already.

The end

Silent voice

Band: Kizu

Pairing: Yue&Lime; Kyonosuke&Reiki in the background

Rating: 17+

Genre: slice of life

Warnings: based on real events

Note: Based on this one event, which had to be cancelled after break, because Yue was taken to the hospital.

In fact, it's you who always take cares of us. You're our band mum, who cares for everyone, cares about everything and probably thinks about preparing bento boxes, so that we eat well.

So I thought that when we went to a shop promotion of our stuff one day of March, nothing bad would happen. You're always watching. Even if I am a leader.

"Lime. Lime. Lime. Lime. Lime" Reiki was poking me, repeating my nickname over and over.

"Reiki, do this one more time and I swear that I'm gonna tie you up with strings from your" he poked my cheek "guitar. Reiki!"

"What?" he asked, pulling my hair.

I swear that I'm gonna drown him.

"Reiki, leave him alone..." Kyonosuke leaned on his arm. "Because I won't give you your bisquits."

"What?! How dare you?!" shouted Reiki, crossing his arms.

"Yes, I'm the oldest one here" you commented our conversation, ruffling my and Reiki's hair.

I had the slight feeling that your eyes were dim today. As if something was wrong with you.

"Yue?" I put my hand on your forehead. "Are you okay?"

It wasn't warm, but it was even too cold.

"Are you cold?" I asked.

"A little" you replied. "I'm a little slugish today."

"Maybe you want to sit down?" I asked, but you shook your head.

"I'll be okay" you smiled radiantly and I believed you.

I shouldn't, but you aren't me and you usually talk about your poor condition.

But I think that even you didn't know that something like that would happen.

"But tell me, if something happened" I asked you.

You nodded.

"Kyono!" I turned to our bandmates.

They of course didn't notice anything. They were too preoccupied with their banter and antics.

"I also feel that I'm older than them" I said and you laughed because of this.

It was just before photo session. I was adjusting the sleeves of my jacket, when I felt your hand on my shoulder.

"I feel dizzy..." it was everything you could say, because...

...I had to catch you a moment after. 

Your legs buckled under you and you fell to the floor without any of the grace that usually accompanied you.

So what if I bruised my knees during this action?

"Yue?!" I heard Reiki's voice and this was the moment, when I realised that this seriously isn't joke and I'm holding you in my arms, kneeling on this cold floor.

Later everything happened slow and fast at the same time. I felt like I was in a trance. The images moved in slow motion and people spoke terribly slurredly.

Everything was behind the fog. You were behind the fog and it was you, who I was holding in my arms.

That was the first time I heard it. That silent voice asking me, why I'm so worried actually.

You woke up after a long moment, when Kyonosuke lifted your legs and I did the same with your hands. Reiki brought you water.

We had to cancel the photo shoot. We also had to take you to the hospital. And I had to start shutting down that silent voice that talked about you all the time for the next six months. With every smile, gesture and kind word you made, it grew louder and louder, roaring in my ears and causing dreams I didn't understand.

And I had to admit that I have feelings for you. Even if I didn't want to. Even a little. I was annoyed, because my mind wanted something which I didn't want and I didn't need and...

...and even Kazuki laughed at me.

Do you understand? Kazuki. Laughed.

So I didn't accept this reality. This reality, in which I was so hopelessly in love with you and in which Reiki was leaning over my shoulder after every rehearsal, asking me, when I'll finally tell you, what I feel.

Until you didn't ask me, if I want to suffer alone or with you.

I chose the second option.

And now we could take care of each other.

The end

Panorama

Band: Kizu

Pairing: Yue&Lime

Rating: 17+

Genre: romance

Warnings: -

Note: Lime is thinking about his stubborness and what influence it has on others.

Water vapor was in the air. While still harmful, it didn't smell of nicotine. But he opened the window. Mainly so that he could pull his legs off the windowsill.

He probably will fall because of it some day. Maybe even today. But he felt unwell and wanted to watch the world like this.

Maybe because of his childhood, when his grandma sat him like this? And in some strange way it calmed him, because it reminded him of his childhood and these memories, when he thought that when he will be an adult he won't be so small and as tall and strong man like his father he would look down on all those stupid people who irritated him even then.

But Mother Nature isn't fair and he doesn't look like his father. He even doesn't have similar personality. Well, maybe he's stubborn like him. This stubborness forced him to write lyrics and music for three days and nights without sleeping, only with coffee and strong green tea power.

Did it end badly for his body? Not at all. This fainting on a rehearsal doesn't count, such situations happen often and to everyone...

...but not everyone worries with it the bandmates. And his koi that said he should go to damn sleep.

Except for the swearing, because that's what he only uses, when he gets really pissed off.

He was mad now too, but the worry took over everything. And although Lime didn't want to admit it and he certainly won't tell anyone, he still feels safe in Yue's arms. Which was why he didn't protest at all when Yue picked him up from the floor and carried him to the sofa.

Even Kyonosuke was worried. Kyonosuke! 

And Reiki, like Reiki, reacted too suddenly and with too much enthusiasm caused by the desire to help.

Yes, it's all because he's a stubborn as a mule. And his dad was like this too. Lime just that he won't end up like him.

He looked down. If he fell now, he would have joined his father for sure. But it's safe for now. Until he slips down.

"What the heck are you doing, Takuya?" he heard a voice from behind him and turned around.

Yue didn't like it, when Lime sat like that. He always had a bad feeling about this and tried to not see Takuya laying in the puddle of blood on the street in his mind.

"Don't panic" said Lime, he took a drag on the e-cigarette.

The citrus-scented water vapor rose in the air again.

"Get down from there, it's not the first floor, so you can sit down like that" Yue sighed softly. "Takuya."

"Alright, alright" Lime muttered, trying to come back into the apartment.

But it didn't work out.

It didn't work out very well.

So much so that if Yue hadn't grabbed him by his polka dot T-shirt, he would have seriously fallen.

And so, only his e-cigarette ended up like this.

"Well, I don't think that it's how quitting smoking looks like" said Lime, watching, how his e-cigarette breaks on the pavement. "We should go and clean this mess, because it's littering the environment."

Yue said nothing, but with a sweeping motion he pulled Lime inside and sat him on the floor. He closed the window with a thud and looked at Takuya angrily.

"Do you even know, what could happen?!" Yue rose his voice. "You could fall!"

"But I'm alive" Lime shrugged and froze, when Yue hugged him. "Yue?"

"You are an idiot" mumbled Yue.

Lime got lost in thoughts for a moment.

"I should start counting, how many times a day you're telling me this. You're doing this quite often."

"Because you don't listen to me" Yue released him and sighed. "Okay. So, what were you doing here? Again?"

"I was thinking" replied Lime, according to truth.

"About what?"

"I was wondering why, when something is happening to me, people overreact so much" Lime explained. "I don't like this. I'm not that infirm..."

"But you're just a human" Yue put hands on his shoulders and sat in the armchair. "And humans need sleep and friends."

"But..."

"No >>buts<<" interrupted him Yue. "If you weren't overworked yourself, we wouldn't be worried about you and we wouldn't be overreacting."

Lime sighed and sat on Yue's lap, hugging him.

"Your thighs are categorically too thin" he muttered, closing his eyes.

"I can feel" Yue replied, smiling a little wickedly.

Lime closed his eyes and almost fell asleep, when...

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!"

...he realised, what this usually nice and kind bassist had just said.

Existential pain vanished. Now he would have to be seme tonight and everything will be okay.

The End

Silent Sorrow

Band: Dadaroma&Xaa-Xaa

Pairing: Yoshiatsu&Kazuki, mentioned Reiya&An

Rating: 17+

Genre: angst

Warnings: depression, based on real story

Note: Written after Dadaroma's hiatus (disband).

I've been staring at Reiya's phone's screen for a long time. Very long time.

I blinked.

But...

"Go to him" Reiya hid his phone in the pocket.

"But I... I..." my voice cracked.

I didn't know anything. I didn't notice anything.

Diving in my own sadness, just waiting for him to pull me out.

So why...

The roles have switched, right?

"I don't know, if I can..." I sat next to the wall. "I can't."

An sighed and he crouched down beside me.

"To be honest, nobody can. But you have to try" he said. "And even if you don't know, how... Probably your presence will be enough."

"I've been with him for a long time and I hadn't noticed anything!" I cried. "So what do you think I should do now?"

"There were days, when my voice couldn't get out from the very first song due to mental health issues."

"But don't yell at me" An put a hand on my shoulder. "You don't have to raise your voice."

"Do you have any idea, Haru?" asked Reiya. "Besides that Kazu should go home."

"No" Haru shook his head. "I just think this is the best solution in this situation."

"I think so too" Reiya pulled out cigarettes from his pocket and tried to lit one, but he couldn't. "Oh, right. My lighter has run out of fuel."

"And very well, you can do a day without these cancer sticks" said An.

Reiya just snorted.

"I think so" he started, walking to me and gave me a hand. "But now I wanted to somehow vent this tense atmosphere."

I grabbed Reiya's hand and stood up. I hugged him. He stroke my head like when we were kids.

"Go home" he just whispered and let me go.

I grabbed my bag and went home. I didn't want to, confronting Yoshiatsu at this point was the last thing I needed in my life.

But I had to talk to him. I had to find out everything. I needed to know why the ground I had under my feet and which I was convinced was hard rock turned out to be thin ice.

Probably because I believed that those scars on his arm covered by tattoos are just a trace of the past.

After all, "his private life is shit"...

* * *

I opened door to my flat. Yoshiatsu stood in the kitchen and was making tea, humming happily.

"Kazu?" he was confused, when he saw me. "What are you doing here? I thought your rehearsal hadn't ended yet."

"Reiya let me go earlier" I explained, putting my bag on the floor.

I still didn't know what to do. How I could even start this stupid conversation?

"Reiya? He let you go earlier?" in his voice I heard the worry.

He put a cup on the table and put a hand on my shoulder.

"What happened, Kazu? Are you in a sad mood?"

He seriously...

Ugh.

I hugged him. Tightly. So tightly that he groaned.

"Kazuki, you're going to break my ribs" he laughed shortly. "What happened, you can tell me eve..."

"You tell me" I replied.

I felt him tense up. I think he figured it out. He has never been stupid.

"...have you seen this post?" he asked after a moment.

"Yes" I admitted.

I pushed him away from me, but I didn't take my hands from his shoulders.

"I knew you would finally see it, but..." he sighed softly. "Don't worry, it's just my..."

"But I care!" I clenched my fingers on his arms tight enough that he hissed in pain. "And I'll be worried. Just because I have my worries, that I have a spiderweb of scars on my psyche and that sometimes I really don't want to exist in this stupid world doesn't mean you can't tell me about your sadness, for gods' sake!"

Yoshiatsu had been staring at me for a while, then he took off my hands from his arms and cuddled up to me.

"What's going on, Yocchi?" I asked, feeling that my shirt is getting wet. "Yocchi?"

"I don't know" I heard the answer. "I really don't know..."

"It's been always like this?"

"Yes..."

"And you were hiding it?"

"Yes..."

"Awesome" I stroke his head. "And have you dealt with me and my crises?"

"Yes..."

"Do you want to cry?"

"Y-yes..." Yoshiatsu said with a trembling voice, clenching his fingers on my shirt.

He's been sobbing for a long time. Even if our legs started to hurt and we sat on the carpet, he's been still crying.

I knew from my own experience that stopping this waterfall is useless. Because nobody can stop it.

I don't even know, when we laid down. I don't even know, when it hit our downcast minds that we were lying down and that the carpet was actually soft enough.

And then we laid on the floor like two dumbasses among the hurriedly shed clothes, stroking the other one and promising each other that everything would be okay.

But I don't know, if any of us still believes it.

The end